Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Prince Harry

Prince Harry Performs A Traditional Maori Haka – VIDEO

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Does anyone else feel bad for Prince Harry? In terms of the royal family, it’s all “Princess Charlotte” this and “Prince George” that. His older brother has a beautiful wife and is second in line to the throne and Harry gets… nothing, really. Which is all pretty sad since Prince Harry is hot and all he wants is to find a nice lady and probably to be done with all this military service. Sure, he’s serving his country and he’s happy to do it, but he can’t really move on with his life until he’s done.

Anyway, while in New Zealand, Prince Harry visited the Linton Military Camp this week, where he performed a traditional Maori haka (war dance) with some fellow officers. Here’s the scoop from The AP:

He had just 20 minutes to learn the dance before performing it publicly, with his instructor Warrant Officer Brett Pene praising the royal’s efforts.

“Given the time restraints in trying to teach him, it was a bit difficult trying to learn the actions and the words, so I think he did really well,” he told reporters.

“He was sweating, we were sweating, a bit of frustration set in. He was keen, that was the main thing.”

The Maori haka is a traditional challenge, the most famous of which “Ka Mate” is regularly performed by the All Blacks rugby team.

Harry performed the New Zealand’s army’s own haka “Ngati Tumatauenga”, or “Tribe of War”, which honours fallen comrades and past campaigns.

Pene said it was “humbling” to have the prince perform the Army’s haka, given the royal visitor’s own military background which has included two tours of Afghanistan.

Oh, Harry. You can be my king any day! Except not… sexually, as that totally sounded. Anyway, let’s watch him dance, shall we?

What do you think? Would you get with Prince Harry? He’s singleeeee!

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You can relax now – Emma Watson isn’t really dating Prince Harry

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Just in case anyone actually believed the bullshit, I can tell you now once and for all that Emma Watson is NOT secretly dating Prince Harry or vice versa. After people started going batshit at the idea of Hermione becoming a princess, Emma herself took to Twitter to dispel the rumours and remind everyone to use their brains once in a while.



Well, duh. How did anyone even entertain this as anything more than the level of tabloid fodder you’d expect to find next to a feature about a woman who gave birth to a half lizard, half human baby? Are people really THAT stupid? (Don’t answer that question – it answers itself.)

Anyway, you know what that means, ladies – Harry’s still availableeeeee! Wouldn’t Kate Middleton be an awesome sister-in-law?

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Is Prince Harry Secretly Dating Emma Watson?

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BULLSHIT RUMOR ALERT! Prince Harry is apparently “secretly dating” Emma Watson. I am calling this a “bullshit rumor alert” because the best source we can get on this one is Women’s Day Australia who claims to have an “exclusive” on the whole fake thing. Excuse me for being cynical, folks, but here we are. So reveal to us what’s in your chamber of secrets, Women’s Day!

After numerous failed relationships, it looks like notorious bachelor Prince Harry has found love with gorgeous Harry Potter star Emma Watson.

Woman’s Day can exclusively reveal the pair are having secret dates with each other and are getting to know each other quite well.

When Harry heard she had split from her British rugby player boyfriend Matthew Janney at the end of last year, he called on mutual friends to help him hook up with the actress.

He then sent Emma a short email saying that he would “like to get to know her” and invited her out.

Although 12 other friends went along too to make Emma feel a little more comfortable, the pair hit it off!

“Harry didn’t want her to feel like she was put on the spot,” explains one insider. “A party also shows he’s fun and not stuffy.”

“He’s smitten – and it’s more than Emma’s looks.”

The good news is, Emma has already met some of the family! She met Harry’s brother Prince William last year at a cancer charity event and has also met his dad Prince Charles.

Wait, wait — she needed “12 other friends” to come along on their date? Twelve other friends??? Let’s pretend for a moment that this story is true. Who the hell doesn’t trust a guy enough to the point where she needs to bring along 12 people on their date? I guess when it’s Prince Harry. I still remember the time when he dressed up as freakin’ Nazi. I’m never letting that one go.

So anyway, there you have it. On a scale of bullshit to total bullshit, where do you rate this story?

(Note: if it turns out that I’m wrong and this story is not bullshit — which will not happen — I will forgive Prince Harry and become a fan of his, forever.)

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Harry thinks royal baby #2 is a one big joke

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Prince William and Kate Middleton have been forced to procreate a second time (seriously, I can’t imagine Kate in particular would be so keen to get pregnant again already, especially considering how awful her first pregnancy was) and the one person who’s sitting back laughing is Prince Harry. It’s all one big joke to Harry. Life’s a party, eh?

From People:

Harry was smiling at an Invictus Games training session for athletes when he joked, “I can’t wait to see my brother suffer more” with the arrival of a second child.

And if the Duke and Duchess have a girl this time, Harry quips that he would “love to see him try and cope with that.”

After welcoming wounded and injured soldiers to compete in the sports event that he helped to create, Harry, 29, continued to comment on the pregnancy news, this time in a more serious tone.

“I hope the two of them have the opportunity to go through the process again with a little bit of peace and quiet,” he said, adding that sister-in-law Kate was feeling “pretty poorly” from morning sickness, but “doing the best she can.”

I said it the other day and I’ll say it again: I hope they have a girl! Just because it would be adorable. Harry also thinks that Prince George will love being a big brother. We’ll see about that!

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Prince Harry Left His Girlfriend

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If you’re seeking a single British royal who once ran around Las Vegas, naked, you’re in luck — Prince Harry split from his girlfriend, Cressida Bonas, according to People. More on the story:

After dating for nearly two years, Harry, 29, recently confided in friends that things were not going well with the 24-year-old beauty.

“He found her too needy and it just wasn’t working out,” says a source close to the prince.

Hey, Harry, here’s a novel idea: try dating someone closer to your own age. Early 20s vs. later 20s is a world of difference. You can get along with someone okay if they’re in their early 20s and you’re later, but you really shouldn’t seek romantic fulfillment with that kind of age difference. I speak from experience. Come on, somebody else has to be with me on this one. It may not seem like a huge difference, but in these key stages of young adulthood, it is.

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Oh No! Prince Harry’s In Danger!

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Well, not really, but here’s the scoop: Prince Harry is at the South Pole (in? on?) as part of the Walking With The Wounded South Pole Allied Challenge, but it’s now been halted due to inclement weather, which has made the terrain all wonky and totally unsafe to be on. The Challenge’s director Ed Parker released the following statement:

“Until now, the three teams have been racing against one another across the Antarctic plateau, but yesterday I took the decision to suspend the race.

“The reason for this is entirely simple – safety, which remains the core principle of our expeditions. While all three teams were progressing well, it was becoming evident that there was a higher degree of stress imposed on the team members, due to unprecedented terrain on the plateau.”

Don’t worry, though – the whole thing hasn’t been cancelled, just postponed. When it starts up again, the Australian-Canadian, UK and US teams won’t even have to compete against each other any more. They can just travel at their own pace and enjoy the scenery, I guess.

I’m just glad Prince Harry’s safe. He’s got to protect the throne of the Most Handsome Ginger.

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Prince Harry Protected a Gay Soldier Against An Attack (By Fellow Soldiers)

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We all knew Prince Harry was a total babe, but you can add to that the fact that he’s a really stand-up guy because it turns out, he actually defended a fellow soldier against a homophobic attack by other, more dickish soldiers back in 2008. Harry never told anyone about this, of course – he just did his thing and moved on in his life. It’s the soldier whose ass he saved who revealed the incident in his new autobiography.

From Digital Spy:

Lance Corporal James Wharton, who was Prince Harry’s gunner during their training exercise, revealed the incident in his autobiography Out in the Army.

Wharton explains in one chapter how he reported the homophobic threats to the prince.

“I told him, ‘I think I’m about to be murdered by the infantry’,” Wharton stated. “I climbed into the turret and talked Harry through exactly what had happened.

“He had a complete look of bewilderment on his face. I didn’t hold back: I told him everything that had gone on. I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in my eyes.”

Wharton continued: “He said, ‘Right. I’m going to sort this s**t out once and for all’.”

“Harry climbed out of the tank and started having a go. I worried he was about to make the whole thing worse, but he wasn’t holding back. Prince Harry was sticking up for me and putting a stop to the trouble. I had been on track for a battering and had been rescued.”Prince Harry was reportedly able to calm the other soldiers down. “He came back 10 minutes later and told me the problem had been sorted,” Wharton recalled.”I will always be grateful to Harry, and I will never forget what happened.”

Hey, homophobic dudes – how about we take it down about 800 notches? It seriously blows my mind that so many people still actually care what someone else does in their spare time and with whom. Are you a guy who has no interest in sleeping with other guys? Good news – you don’t have to! But shut the f-ck up about those who do, already.