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North West

0North West learns how to walk so she can get away from Kim Kardashian

kim kardashian north west

North West recently celebrated her first birthday – they grow up so fast, don’t they?! – and she’s learning how to walk. Apparently after a swim lesson yesterday, she took her first steps, prompting Kim Kardashian to post the above photo on Instagram to share her happy news and say how proud she and Kanye are of their daughter.

I’m actually surprised Kim didn’t miss North’s first steps because she was too busy taking pictures of her own ass. Small miracles.

Now that North can walk, however, that means she’ll be able to run, soon. Once she can, I recommend she runs straight out the front door of their house and as far away from her insane parents as possible.

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July 24, 2014 at 11:00 am by Jennifer

3Kim Kardashian threw North West a “Kidchella”-themed birthday party

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Growing up, I thought having my 8th birthday party at McDonald’s and playing in the ball pit was the SHIT and that I was living large. Turns out, that was nothing compared to the type of birthday parties North West, infamous 1-year-old daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, will be having. Despite being an infant who will never remember any of this, her parents threw her a “Kidchella”-themed shindig complete with carnival rides, food stands and Aunt Khloe in a controversial headdress (???).

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From US Weekly:

In addition to the ferris wheel, there was a big bounce house for kids, as well as various food stands for lemonade, sno-cones, funnel cake, churros, and cotton candy.

“Kim was holding North a lot of the time, and the party seemed to be geared towards a little bit older kids,” an eyewitness tells Us Weekly. “But it was a family party with all ages, and no matter what age they were, they were having a great time. There was so much to do.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, there are no actual photos of North West being at this party, so who knows if she even was? Either way, I think it’s pretty clear this was just an excuse for the adults to have fun rather than the kids. That’s okay, too, obviously – I love carnivals! – but why even bother to call it a birthday party?

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June 23, 2014 at 5:00 am by Jennifer

0Where does the time go? North West is already a year old!

kanye west north west kim kardashian instagram

Little North West, daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, celebrated her first birthday on Sunday, which blows my mind because seriously, I feel like she was only born 2 or 3 months ago. Where does the time go?

Her birthday happened to fall on Father’s Day, and Kim posted the above photo of Daddy and baby on her Instagram page yesterday that is way too cute – and that’s coming from someone who really cannot be bothered with anyone in this family.

Here’s her caption:

This is what life is about! Our baby girl turned 1 today! We played so hard they passed out while we were watching the game! Happy Father’s Day to the best daddy in the world! The way you love our daughter and protect her makes me filled with so much love! #BestDayEver #Twins #HappyFathersDay #HappyBirthday

Cute. They even went out and about for the day, just so the paparazzi could get some nice, clear pictures of the family. Again, I like to be fair and impartial, so I gotta say, Kimmycakes is looking chic and sleek in these photos. Get it, girl… and then quickly go away again.

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June 16, 2014 at 5:00 am by Jennifer

3Kim Kardashian is speaking out against racism

kim kardashian kanye west north west

I only sorta feel bad for taking the piss out of Kim Kardashian, who went on an anti-racism rant on her website yesterday. On the one hand, racism is a VERY real and very serious problem in our world, even in 2014. It should be fought, and everyone should be treated equally no matter who they are, what they look like, who they love, etc. On the other hand, Kim is a multi-millionaire who is shielded from so much of reality. Her ethnicity has rarely, if ever, been questioned due to the fact that she a) passes for “white” in the eyes of the world and b) is filthy fucking rich.

However, Kim is more concerned for the fate of her daughter, North, and how she will fare as a mixed-race child in a racist world. While I recognize that I have no place to comment on who does and doesn’t experience racism since I’m white as hell, I do think it’s fair to say that North will experience a lot of the same shielding as her mother does due to not only their celebrity but their wealth. Also, I’m just skeptical because it’s Kim Kardashian who makes a living off of being vapid, so… maybe I’m being overly harsh. I can accept that.

I never knew how much being a mom would change me. It’s amazing how one little person and the love I have for her has brought new meaning to every moment. What once seemed so important, now feels insignificant. It’s like I get to see the world for the first time again, but through someone else’s eyes. It’s a beautiful thing to feel and experience so much more, but with that beauty comes a flip side – seeing through my daughter’s eyes the side of life that isn’t always so pretty.

To be honest, before I had North, I never really gave racism or discrimination a lot of thought. It is obviously a topic that Kanye is passionate about, but I guess it was easier for me to believe that it was someone else’s battle. But recently, I’ve read and personally experienced some incidents that have sickened me and made me take notice. I realize that racism and discrimination are still alive, and just as hateful and deadly as they ever have been.

I feel a responsibility as a mother, a public figure, a human being, to do what I can to make sure that not only my child, but all children, don’t have to grow up in a world where they are judged by the color of their skin, or their gender, or their sexual orientation. I want my daughter growing up in a world where love for one another is the most important thing.

So the first step I’m taking is to stop pretending like this isn’t my issue or my problem, because it is, it’s everyone’s… because the California teenager who was harassed and killed by his classmates for being gay, the teenage blogger in Pakistan who was shot on her school bus for speaking out in favor of women’s rights, the boy in Florida who was wrongly accused of committing a crime and ultimately killed because of the color of his skin, they are all someone’s son and someone’s daughter and it is our responsibility to give them a voice and speak out for those who can’t and hopefully in the process, ensure that hate is something our children never have to see.

I’m not sure how she lived in the world WITHOUT realizing that racism was an issue… but that sorta proves my point. I’m glad that motherhood is giving her a bit of a conscience, but it’s a shame that it took 30-some years for it to happen. I still don’t think she’ll do much about it, but it’s nice to have moments of reflection, I suppose.

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May 8, 2014 at 7:00 am by Jennifer

3North West went makeup-free in ‘Vogue’

kim kardashian north west kanye west

Yes, because there was ever a question that a fucking BABY would wear make-up, it’s news that in fact North West didn’t need any cosmetic touching up at all for Kim & Kanye‘s much talked about Vogue shoot. Thank the good lord, because otherwise I’d question their sanity even more than I already do (and I don’t think that’s humanly possible).

From Cosmopolitan:

Baby North may have been the real star of the Vogue cover shoot, but she wasn’t fussy when it came to makeup. “She didn’t need it! She is such a little cutie,” Aaron de Mey, the mastermind behind Kimye’s makeup on the April issue, told Cosmopolitan.com earlier today. You heard it here first: North was NOT wearing any foundation or anything for her Vogue shoot — and she still looked that adorable.

Uhhhhhh. This is something an adult human let come out of his mouth, and something another adult human typed out with their fingers. She’s an INFANT, for crying out loud. As if a baby needs foundation? What world do these people live in?

Another hilarious part of this article is where de Mey says that they never tried any crazy looks on Kim before deciding on the theme of the shoot since she’s so “naturally gorgeous” and they wanted to highlight that. Yes, “naturally” now means “laden with plastic surgery”. No shade for cosmetic procedures, but at least own that shit.

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March 28, 2014 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

6Kim Kardashian and Kanye West torture baby North

kim kanye north vogue

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West finally got their Vogue cover, much to Sarah Michelle Gellar‘s chagrin (among others). And it’s not just a bunch of mediocre photos we have to look through and pretend to care about – there’s also an accompanying interview that’s full of the exact kind of bullshit you’d expect to hear coming out of their mouths. And after reading through it, one thing becomes very clear: North West is going to need so much therapy.

North’s parents have already involved her in their creative lives. “I take pictures of her all the time and dress her up,” says Kim. “I put Kanye’s big chains around her, and I put a little Louis bag and some Jordans, and I was like, ‘What up, Daddy?’ ” Kanye, meanwhile, has made an adorable little stop-frame video of North caught in her natural movements that he’s edited to make it appear as if she’s break-dancing.

Well… that’s special. I’m sure she just loves that.

Oh, here’s another fun fact: Kris Jenner won’t let North call her Grandma/Nana/Gram/etc. No, she’s going by the name “Lovey”. WHAT? How is that a thing?

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I wouldn’t rot your brain reading the whole thing, but suit yourself…

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March 24, 2014 at 3:30 pm by Jennifer
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