Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Mike Sorrentino

An Open Letter to Mike Sorrentino from His Abs

Dear Mike, We are cold. We are chafed. We have been used on countless occasions as the intermediary between a drunk chick with thick legs and too much makeup and the penis we can only assume hangs somewhere, sadly, beneath our bulging, defined curves. It is dwarfed, really, by us. And that was fine for awhile. We could play wingman like that. We...