Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson Was Generally Healthy When He Died


And the Jackson saga continues. His autopsy results indicate that, overall, he was in good health for a 50-year-old man.

The Los Angeles County coroner’s report shows Jackson’s weight of 136 pounds was in the acceptable range for a 5-foot-9 man. His heart was strong with no sign of plaque buildup. His kidneys and most other major organs were normal.

The singer did have health issues, however, including arthritis in the lower spine and some fingers, and mild plaque buildup in his leg arteries. Most serious was the condition of his lungs, which the autopsy report said were chronically inflamed and had reduced capacity that might have left him short of breath.

But the lung condition was not serious enough to be a direct or contributing cause of death, according to the document.

“His overall health was fine,” said Dr. Zeev Kain, chairman of the anesthesiology department at the University of California, Irvine, who reviewed a copy of the autopsy report for the AP. “The results are within normal limits.”

Basically all of this means that Michael died strictly of complications from the propofol and the benzodiazepines, which we already knew. This wasn’t a generally unhealthy man, he was just crazy about his insomnia, and he was unlucky enough to find a doctor willing to enable that insanity. The more I read about this case, the more I feel Dr. Murray ought to be convicted of homicide. Shit, dude, I tried to get my doctor to prescribe me a low dose of phentermine last week to help me lose ten pounds, and she was all like, “No way. Your BMI is in the normal range, so you need to focus on exercise and portion control.” I hate the term “portion control” so much. Like, who wants to eat the yummy stuff in reasonable portions? Why eat it at all if you have to control your portions? But the point is this: I knew she’d never prescribe it; it was a long shot. Of course no ethical doctor is going to prescribe phentermine for someone whose weight is in a normal BMI. And yet this asshole had Michael on propofol and three different types of benzos — for insomnia. It’s insane. This dude should go to jail forever.

No Glove, No Love

Michael Jackson – Ghosts

The single, white, bedazzled glove that Michael Jackson wore to a screening of the short film Ghosts (above) and during his marriage ceremony to Debbie Rowe in 1996 sold for A$57,600 or ($49,000 USD) at an auction yesterday in Australia– nearly twice what auctioneers expected. (You can see a picture of it here.)

But you’ll be happy to know that the glove was not purchased by some obsessed individual with sickening amounts of money to throw at dead celebrities’ personal effects. It was purchased by a corporation with sickening amounts of money to throw at dead celebrities’ personal effects– The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

If only the rest of us could fetch $49,000 for an unmatched glove covered with bedazzler rhinestones, I would be holding a yard sale every weekend.

The Doctor of Death Thinks Michael Jackson Got What He Wanted

Dr. Jack Kevorkian has something to say about Michael Jackson’s death and it’s a bit of a surprising perspective:  He doesn’t think Dr. Conrad Murray is to blame.

In a lengthy interview — you’ll want to fast forward to 9:30 — the good doctor states that Michael cannot have been murdered since he doesn’t believe malice was a component of the chain of events.  “I don’t think he was malicious. Murder is defined as malice or forethought… Did the doctor have forethought? I doubt it.”

Dr. Kevorkian also thinks that Michael bears responsibility for his death.  “Maybe Jackson craved these things so much he pestered the doctor until he got it.  The patient got what he wanted. He is the one who said yes or no to take a drug.”  Does this mean I can go to my physician and pester him to overdose me with Xanax?  Because I really need to do that.

I’ve actually been thinking about this since the death of DJ AM.  Maybe drug addicts are on some sort of suicide mission.  Maybe death is what Michael was chasing.  I don’t think we’ll ever know for sure.

Joe Jackson Isn’t Angry But Is Mad


There’s something that really bothers me about Joe Jackson.  Every time he opens his mouth to say mumble something, I think he’s lying.  It troubles me that he never offers any insight as to who his son was as a person.  Joe obviously thinks Michael was the best performer in the world, but he doesn’t speak of him as a son, father, friend.

The Today Show aired a JJ interview this morning that was recorded over the weekend, on the day that would have been Michael Jackson’s 51st birthday.  If you don’t have speakers on your computer or you’re at work and can’t really take a listen, let me offer you a brief, paraphrased summary:


Interviewer:  Joe, how are you holding up?

JJ:  Me?  Oh, I’m fine!  Uh, oh, I mean, I’m still grieving the loss of Michael.

Interviewer:  Are you angry about Michael’s death?

JJ:  No.  I’m not angry.  I’m mad but I’m not angry.

Interviewer:  What do you want people to know about your son?

JJ:  He was the best performer in the world.

Interviewer:  Did you know that Michael was using these drugs?

JJ:  No.  I knew nothing about anything.  This is foul play!

Interviewer:  Do you want justice done?  Do you want to see people go to jail for the death of your son?

JJ:  Yes, I want justice.  I don’t know if I want anyone going to jail.  But they will pay.

Interviewer:  Do you want these doctors to be held responsible for administering these medications to Michael?

JJ:  No.  I never said anything about any doctors.

Interviewer:  Do you see your grandchildren?  And if so, how often?

JJ:  I do see them.  Uhhhhh … I see them.  Often enough.  Let’s end this interview now.

Maybe Dr. Conrad Murray Won’t Be Charged With Murder After All

I cannot believe it took an astounding 60 days before I could report this news to you, but as expected, the King of Pop is alive!  The person who submitted this totally conclusive video also sent along the following statement:

This video shows that Michael was still alive after his dead body was transported to the Los Angeles Dept. of Coroner I checked the license plate number and it looks like the King of Pop is jumping out of the same van, his dead body has been in. I got the original video tape from a trustworthy source. I know him for years. And I am sure it´s real and Michael is alive. 

Now, I can’t confirm this, but I hear that after Michael entered the building he met up with Elvis for some coffee and a donut so they could compare their faked deaths.  And their prescriptions.

I Hope You’re Sitting Down


The results of Michael Jackson’s autopsy have been leaked.  Cause of death?  Murder by ingestion of a lethal combination of drugs.  Shocking, I know.

Because the coroner’s office hasn’t made an official statement, the source spoke under the condition of anonymity.  He said that propofol as well as two other sedatives were found in Jackson’s bloodstream.  They would have been administered in the hours preceeding his death by Dr. Conrad Murray.  The affadavit also states that the propofol wasn’t ordered or received by Murray; he discovered it at Michael’s home.

Listen, there is no way Dr. Conrad Murray will be charged with murder.  I don’t think prosecutors have a case based on intent to end Michael Jackson’s life.  This will end at worst with a manslaughter charge and a soft sentence.  And decades of speculation, whodunit books, and tacky MJ commemorative merchandise.

Michael Jackson’s Doctor Speaks Out

Dr. Conrad Murray, the dude who is under major scrutiny with the LAPD regarding the death of Michael Jackson, has finally released a statement.  Some of you young whippersnappers might not know this, but there used to be something called a press conference.  A bunch of reporters would gather with microphones and cameras whenever a notable had a statement to make.  They would record and stream to a television satellite.  No. Longer.  Now it’s all about Twitter and web cams.

Murray read off a teleprompter recorded a one-minute video that he posted on YouTube as a means of reaching out and expressing gratitude to all of his supporters while proclaiming his faith in justice.  He totally got this idea from Chris Brown and he’s about as convincing.