Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Megan Fox

The Hottie and the Nottie Were Married Last Week

photo of brian austin green and megan fox dressed up.  the couple was married late last week.

I’ll let you draw conclusions as to who’s who in this scenario, since you all probably have some pretty hardcore opinions on the vanity of both Megan Fox and now-husband, Brian Austin Green. But yeah. Megan Fox and long-term boyfriend, Brian Austin Green — or “Bag,” as he’s known in my circle of friends — were married “late last week,” according to sources.

The couple tied the knot on Hawaii’s Big Island, where there was said to be only six other people in attendance, which is mildly unsurprising since Fox is a self-proclaimed anthropophobic, and Bag probably hasn’t had any real live friends since Beverly Hills 90210.

Meg and Brian moved pretty stealthily on this one, too: the two were only confirmed to be engaged like, what, a week ago or something?

It’s a shame we didn’t know about this sooner. I’d have liked to have seen photos of the, ah, virginal Fox wearing a white sheath, and Bag’s ankles handcuffed to Fox’s, since that’s probably the only way he could keep her in one place for a minute. The dude probably still can’t believe his “luck.”

I wonder if Foxy dropped (and lost!) her wedding band in the sand, too. Bad omens are upon us, guys. Bad, bad omens indeed.

Quotables

A photo of Megan Fox

“I’m totally aware that I’ve never given anyone a reason to praise me for my acting talents. So to sit here and complain, ‘Why don’t people recognize me as an actress?’ would be outrageous. It’s my responsibility to prove that they should.”

- Megan Fox, speaking the truth.

I really can’t hate on too much her for this.  It sounds like she has a pretty strong grasp on what her situation is and what she needs to do to fix it.  I mean, she’s had a few chances, and if it’s her responsibility to make people recognize her as an actress, then I’m not sure why she hasn’t done that yet.  What was Transformers, just a chance to be pretty and hang out with Shia LaBeouf?  If you’re working as an actor but you acknowledge you’ve never “given anyone a reason to praise” your acting, then what are you even doing out there, Megs?

Hey, Guess Who’s Engaged Again?

photo of couple megan fox and brian austin green leaving hawaii together

Aah … Publicity stunts love is in the air. Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green! Totally, um, surprising.

The couple, who’ve been together since 2004 (off-and-on), have decided to re-engage themselves in what’s probably just a publicity push for Fox’s newest, box-office poison Jonah Hex.

Green was said to have re-proposed to Fox on a beach in Hawaii earlier this week, and it definitely fits the persona that Fox pegs herself to be accustomed to — someone begging and pleading for her to accommodate their wishes.

Onlookers claimed to watch the proposal go down, complete with a jumping up-and-down Megan Fox (for that mental image, you’re welcome) and Fox subsequently dropping the two-carat ring somewhere into the sand.

And yes, if you’re wondering, the ring is still missing. No word if Green has to re-mortgage his house to buy a third engagement ring for his lady-in-waiting, but hey. Give the guy some credit. He is porking Megan Fox with the salami sword … can’t do much better than that, right?

Megan Fox Does Another Really Stupid Interview

photo of megan fox's interview magazine cover

Yeah, another day, another Megan Fox story about how crazy and kooky she is, apparently. Fox sits with Interview magazine — and what a crafty name, that — and discusses (more) of her public foibles, her aversion to cooking (again) and has some pretty, uh, provocative photos taken with a mannequin that bears a striking resemblance to Fox herself. Other than the fake plastic trees tits, it’s kind of hard to tell who’s who. Frightening, actually, are the similarities.

Anyway. Here’s some handpicked pearls of wisdom from the very illustrious, very “jaded” Megan Fox. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

On the topic of staying undercover as a celebrity:

“I find that it’s easier to disguise yourself when you go to Florida or places like that, because no one is expecting to see a celebrity there. When you throw on a hat and glasses, no one really looks at you twice—because why would you be in Florida?”

On dealing with the paparazzi:

“I don’t really resent being on the red carpet as much as I do having to deal with the paparazzi. That actually makes me angry. The photographers on the red carpet—that’s their job. They’re usually pretty respectful, so I don’t mind. I mean, I’m not pretentious enough to just sit around and think about how I’m a tool for the whole Hollywood machine. But it has crossed my mind.”

Ha. Megan Fox said, “I’m a tool.”

On how she “hates” doing interviews:

“I know you can’t really put actors or celebrities into two categories, but I’m going to right now: There are the people who really, really enjoy being celebrities, and then there are the people who came by it maybe by accident. I’m one of those people who fiercely guards their privacy, so I hate doing interviews.”

On her eating habits:

“I was raised in the South, in Tennessee, so I’m going to go with comfort food, soul food. I would probably start with collard greens and candied baby carrots and then have some biscuits and white gravy—and for dessert, probably blackberry cobbler. Having been in a relationship since I was 18, I’m very domestic, but I don’t enjoy cooking for myself.”

You can read the interview in its semi-entirety here, but honestly, I’ve given you the good bits. If you really want to see something interesting, check out the pics. Guaranteed you won’t be disappointed.

Bang or Bust: Couples Edition

photo of megan fox and brian austin green playing in the ocean during memorial day weekend

So I guess Megan Fox’s hotness has been photoshopped away in this photo. Which, clearly isn’t possible, since the photos don’t looked touched a bit, so that brings me to wonder if all of her other glam shots and pin-up photos have been. And I’m thinking, “yes.” While she’s still got a bangin’ face, her body’s just … not so hot. She’s, you know, cute-bodied and all, but nothing to write home about, frankly. I live at the beach; I see bodies like hers come and go on the daily and don’t bat an eye. Nothing phenom there, for real.

Megan and her henchman, Brian Austin Green, were photographed this past weekend observing Memorial Day in Maui.

I was a huge, huge fan of the original Beverly Hills 90210 back in the day and I will freely admit that Brian Austin Green was totally my nineties crush. I had posters of him up on the walls and watched the show religiously. While my other friends mooned over Brandon and Dylan and Steve, I was the odd-man out. I’ve always been the odd-man out; Isaac Hanson was my favorite Hanson and Adrien Brody is my “hottest male celebrity” ever. So, again, not surprising that I’d go for Green rather than Fox on this one. Cop-out.

So. Your sexual orientation aside, which bad thespian would you bang — the one with the nice face and not-so-amazing body or the one with the nice body and the not-so-amazing face? You can draw your own conclusions as to who’s who on that one.

Meet Megan Fox’s Transformers Replacement

photo of katie cassidy white dress

Her name is Katie Cassidy, she’s David Cassidy‘s daughter and she most recently starred in Michael Bay’s remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, which, if I’m being completely honest was the absolute balls. And I, uh, mean that in a good way.

Since the snooty Fox decided that Transformers was beneath her and wanted to stretch her legs (and nude scenes) in her upcoming indie film, Passion Play, producers for the Transformers franchise didn’t want to waste any time or effort in replacing the “irreplaceable” star, and didn’t find it all that hard to do so, either. A source close to the production dishes:

“Michael worked with Katie on A Nightmare On Elm Street and he sees her as the perfect choice. Megan was unknown when she was cast in the first Transformers and Katie is in that same mold. She even looks a little like Megan — only blonde.”

I’m kind of hoping that this entire “I’m a serious actress!” thing blows up in Megan’s face … I mean, without Michael Bay at her back, she’s probably going to continue to do low-budget indie movies that will end up on the dusty bottom rack of a second-rate movie rental store — if these movies even make it that far, at any rate.

Megan Fox is Still Way Cooler Than You

In a recent interview with Allure magazine, Fox claims that nude photos were taken without her permission or knowledge during the filming of Passion Play, which is an independent film about circus performers (sounds, uh, intriguing). During the interview, Fox acknowledges the potential for leaked nudes and states that she’ll kick the shit out of whoever took the photos if she finds out who did it:

“If I knew who took this picture, I would personally cause them harm — physical harm. I’m not a fucking reality-TV star that’s courting the paparazzi and wants my fucking picture taken all the time. I’m at my job and I’m trying to play a character and I’m trying to be serious, and this is the shit that’s happening to me. It makes me furious.”

She also takes her “kick-ass” persona up a notch and claims that she could probably go a week without eating, ’cause she’s lazy:

“I’ll starve to death before I’ll cook for myself. I think I could survive a week without eating.”

Fox also complains about public restrooms and dining out and how it adversely affects her OCD:

“This is a sickness, I have an illness,–this is not OK anymore.”

“I’m never doing that again. Every time someone uses a bathroom and they flush, all the bacteria is shot into the air.”

“Putting my mouth where a million other mouths have been, just knowing all the bacteria that you carry in your mouth? Ucch!”

She also claims that she’s not going to be Little Miss Nice Chick during those annoying interviews that give her publicity which she so desperately craves:

“I was trying to be lighthearted and have a sense of humor, but I have no desire to express it, really, anymore, because I’ve always been fucked doing so.”

Listen, Megan. We might actually buy the whole “I’m eccentric and unique and zany” thing if you weren’t trying so hard to jam it down our throats. I kind of dig you (and I think you’re probably one of the most gorgeous women on the planet), but back off on the whole “I’m crazy! I’m weird! I’m fucking interesting!” thing and let your shit speak for itself, girl.