I’ll let you draw conclusions as to who’s who in this scenario, since you all probably have some pretty hardcore opinions on the vanity of both Megan Fox and now-husband, Brian Austin Green. But yeah. Megan Fox and long-term boyfriend, Brian Austin Green — or “Bag,” as he’s known in my circle of friends — were married “late last week,” according to sources.
The couple tied the knot on Hawaii’s Big Island, where there was said to be only six other people in attendance, which is mildly unsurprising since Fox is a self-proclaimed anthropophobic, and Bag probably hasn’t had any real live friends since Beverly Hills 90210.
Meg and Brian moved pretty stealthily on this one, too: the two were only confirmed to be engaged like, what, a week ago or something?
It’s a shame we didn’t know about this sooner. I’d have liked to have seen photos of the, ah, virginal Fox wearing a white sheath, and Bag’s ankles handcuffed to Fox’s, since that’s probably the only way he could keep her in one place for a minute. The dude probably still can’t believe his “luck.”
I wonder if Foxy dropped (and lost!) her wedding band in the sand, too. Bad omens are upon us, guys. Bad, bad omens indeed.