Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Mariah Carey

It’s Time to Pretend Like We Care About American Idol Again

A photo of Nicki Minaj

After a big mess of speculation and lies and false hope (Kanye was never even in the running, was he, you cruel dream-crushers?), the good (?) people over at American Idol have finally finalized the judges panel for the upcoming twelfth season. Are you excited? Well, try, all right?

First is dear Mariah Carey, whose spot was officially announced months ago. This one shouldn’t be a surprise, because what else does Mariah have to do these days, besides tend to dem babies? Her presence should be fun though. I think she’ll be interesting to watch.

Second is Old Faithful, Randy Jackson. He’s been there since the beginning, and he’ll be there till the end. At one point, producers wanted Enrique Iglesias instead, but in the end, they went with Randy. Which is great, because I honestly have no idea what else Randy Jackson does.

Third, and here is where it starts to get interesting, is Nicki Minaj. This decision is definitely my favorite, because Nicki is a crazy bitch, and I think it will be really funny/embarrassing to see her try to make everything all about her. Can’t you just see her going into one of her alternate personalities while some really talented kid is experiencing her one shot at fame? Ugh. Also, you know the diva antics between her and Mariah will be insane. Yeah, I’m kind of looking forward to this one.

Oh, and the fourth judge is Keith Urban. You know, because … I don’t know. Because country music. Whatever.

Are you psyched or what?

Nicki Minaj Is Coming to American Idol, Mariah Carey Is Displeased

A photo of Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey

Nicki Minaj hasn’t officially signed on to be the newest judge on American Idol, mind you, but it’s apparently not that far off. Everyone, including People, is reporting that she’s in negotiations to join on for next season. And I … well, I’m not sure how I feel about that. It seems sort of odd because Nicki is still relatively new to the game, she doesn’t need to revive her career like Jennifer Lopez or Steven Tyler or Mariah Carey or essentially anyone else who has ever been a judge on American Idol. Plus, she gets on my nerves so bad, and I’m really not looking forward to hearing so much more about her. Oh, and she’s also bananas. But good choice?

According to Idol‘s other new judge, no, not so much. And as for the other new judges, well, who even knows what’s going on with that:

Nicki Minaj may well become a judge on “American Idol,” but it will be at the expense of Mariah Carey, who we’re told hung up the phone when she was told Nicki was the top candidate.

Sources connected with “Idol” tell TMZ … Mariah was led to believe she would be the only woman on the judge’s panel.  Choosing Nicki would not only crush that expectation, it would add insult to injury because Nicki (29) is a lot younger than Mariah (42).

As for the composition of the judge’s panel, we’re told by no means is it a done deal.  There are 2 scenarios being played out.  First, it’s unclear if Randy Jackson will come back as a judge or a mentor.  If he leaves the judge’s panel, there will be another spot to fill.

The second scenario … we’re told some of the honchos believe it’s a mistake to have 2 women and a man on the panel, and a 4th male judge would be necessary.

As for who’s still in the running, we’re told Brad Paisley, Keith Urban and Enrique Iglesias are leading the pack.

And there’s one other thing.  Sources connected with the show say they’re worried … if the judge’s end up being Mariah, Nicki and Randy … middle America might not welcome the blackout.

You know, now that I’ve had some time to mull it over, Nicki and Mariah might be a pretty good match. They can both be catty divas, and wouldn’t it be great to see two catty divas competing for the spotlight on a show where they’re not supposed to have the spotlight? And then Randy could hang out and do his awkward laugh, and maybe Enrique could be on the other side, talking quietly about his tiny penis. Yes, this might be a very good idea after all.

Mariah Carey Sure Isn’t Wasting Any Time Squeezing Every Last Drop of Publicity Out of ‘American Idol’

photo of american idol mariah carey pictures
If you’re wondering whether or not this is Mariah Carey’s promotional photo for ‘American Idol’, then yes, you are right, and I have to commend you on knowing the flaky Mariah Carey so well. Or I have to slap you, one or the other. I’m not sure yet.

This is, indeed, Mariah’s ‘AI’ photo, and it’s just as ridiculous and over-the-top as you’d expect it to be. Like, did technology become so advanced that she’s going to look like this live on the show? Is there going to be a cloud of Photoshop and CGI following her around the stage and the judges’ chairs every second of the production, making her look like this? Because we all know that Mariah Carey just doesn’t look like this anymore—this is Mariah Carey of ‘All I Want for Christmas (is You)’ fame. This isn’t 2012′s Mariah Carey. This is 2012′s Mariah Carey:

photo of mariah carey pictures
Contrary to what she wants you to believe, she *has* aged.

What’s even more ridiculous? The early whispering about Mariah’s ‘Idol’ rider. From Page Six:

When Mariah Carey was named the newest, $18 million judge on “American Idol,” staffers at the Fox show began bracing for the dreaded and possibly endless list of diva demands, we’re told. The pop princess is famously demanding on her backstage riders, which have included such necessities as baskets of puppies, furniture with “no busy patterns,” “vases of white roses” and a “tea service for eight.”

She once insisted, “I don’t do stairs,” while other wild reports have said Carey has previously demanded a chauffeur for her dog, “confetti shaped like butterflies” as well as 20 white kittens at a London appearance.

But, a source close to Carey says she won’t require anything out of the ordinary on “Idol,” and adds that the show itself has many of its own branded requirements for stars to use the products of certain sponsors.

“It’s all standard stuff, nothing out of the ordinary,” the source said of Carey’s “Idol” requirements. “It’s not like they’ll need to put a new roof on the building. It’s standard lists, whether it’s for water, soda, veggies, snacks. It’s all fairly normal.”

So no puppies this time. Then again, Carey’s tagline on Twitter declares, “Citizen of the World Dahhhling!”

Please. If Britney gets sixteen thousand cases of cola on demand, then you can bet that Mariah’s gonna get her puppies and kittens and sparkly butterflies, because that’s just how it goes, folks.

It’s Official: Mariah Carey Will Be on American Idol

A photo of Mariah Carey

In the greatest news since the invention of news, Mariah Carey is officially the newest American Idol judge. We discussed this over the weekend, and I honestly thought that it would never happen, that the rumor that Mariah was close to signing a contract was just meant to get some buzz going about the show, but thankfully, I was wrong.

The announcement was made at the Television Critics Association summer press tour, and Mariah called in because the contract had been finalized just hours before. Here’s what she had to say:

“I am so excited to be joining Idol. First of all, I wanted to be there today and I wish I could’ve been there to tell you, but I think you know this all kind of just happened real quickly, so I can’t wait to get started in a couple months.”

Yes. Just yes.

Mariah Carey And Her Cameltoe Are Coming to American Idol

A photo of Mariah Carey

Guys, LOL, hey guys! Remember these pictures of Mariah Carey and her labia? LOL!

But anyway, you know how Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler just quit their judging jobs on American Idol? And remember how X-Factor landed Britney f-cking Spears for their new panel of judges? Well, now that I’ve jogged your memory, it’s pretty obvious to see why American Idol needs to step up their game and hire a massively famous new judge pretty soon, right?

From MTV:

Mariah Carey’s songs might officially be off-limits on “American Idol”: The diva is reportedly finalizing her contract to become a judge on the singing competition.

According to Deadline, if Carey’s deal goes through, she will earn more than $17 million for one season — eclipsing Britney Spears’ reported $15 million paycheck for “X Factor.”

After last week’s “Idol” judging shakeup, which saw Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler head for the exits after two years on the job, Carey was one of the first names rumored to be in the running. The superstar’s hubby, Nick Cannon, wasn’t sure at the time whether “Idol” had deep enough pockets. “I don’t know if they can afford Mariah Carey,” Cannon told TMZ on Sunday. “That’s a lot of money.”

Well, looks like “Idol” might have come through. This isn’t the first time Mimi has been rumored as the next “Idol” judge. In 2010, the songstress was reportedly considered for the 10th season after the show originally passed on J.Lo.

If Carey is officially onboard, one big question remains: Who will sit next to her? There’s been no word so far about whether lone remaining judge Randy Jackson will stick around for season 12, but Us Weekly reported last week that he is considering a lateral move from judge to mentor on the show.

While everyone from Nicki Minaj to Katy Perry has been proposed as Carey’s possible seatmates, one person has thrown her own name in the ring: Aretha Franklin. In an email to CNN, the 70-year-old Queen of Soul expressed some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for “Idol,” saying she’d like to come onboard for the 12th season. And according to the news outlet, she wouldn’t want to come alone, suggesting Patti LaBelle join her and “Idol” vet Jackson.

Man, between that Scientology channel and this, I’m going to have to get cable real soon. Do you remember how crazy Mariah was on QVC? She’d be an unstoppable train of fabulousness and insanity on something as big as Idol then, wouldn’t she?

Seriously, just think: Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, and Patti LaBelle. Why hasn’t this already been confirmed? Actually, why hasn’t this happened years ago?

Mariah Carey Has Some Pretty Fancy Cameltoe, Guys

photo of mariah carey pictures cameltoe pics
I guess it’s a good day for Mariah Carey when we’re talking about her on Evil Beet, even if it is because she’s showing off one of the most impressive cameltoes I’ve seen in this life.

I mean, we could be talking about your persistent divorce rumors, how fabulous you look, or how great your music is, but girl, the cameltoe beats all. I’m not joking. It is, by far, the most important thing you’ve done in a decade (aside from dem babies—they’re pretty good, too).

Anyway, if you lurve Mariah and you’re not here to talk about her MASSIVE CAMELTOE, then here’s a topic of discussion for you. She and husband Nick Cannon just renewed their wedding vows! Isn’t that special? And after only four years, too, can you believe it?

From CBS:

Spokeswoman Cindi Berger told the Associated Press that Carey, 42, and Cannon, 31, marked the occasion with an “intimate ceremony after a romantic dinner at the beautiful Jules Verne restaurant” just after midnight local time.

Photos show the singer wearing a white, form-fitting mermaid gown with a black bow at the waist, while her husband donned a white tuxedo and black bowtie.

The couple also took time during the Paris trip to shop for their nearly-1-year-old twins.

Now, first of all, does it not seem like these two have been married way longer than four years? I mean, Mariah’s at least sixty, which makes him forty-five at best, so that means they *must* have been married for at least two decades, right? Their kids are, what, headed toward twenty by now? No? Dem babies are only a year old? Nick’s only thirty-one? Mariah’s … still thirty-one (ha! No, she’s forty-two, but nice try)? My oh my how the time does go by.

Congratulations, you two, and may you celebrate—at the very least!—another four years of wedded bliss. Preferably in another four years, no trickin’ me again.

Divorce Watch: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon?

A photo of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon

Remember when Nick Cannon was dealing with all those health issues, and then he said that he had “like a lupus type of thing”? Well, it turns out that he actually does have lupus. He’s been dealing with lupus nephritis, which, as far as I can tell, is a complication of, um, regular lupus, and it affects the kidneys, natch. Obviously, I don’t know a whole lot about it, but it sounds pretty serious, and it probably means that Nick needs to slow down a bit and take some time to attend to his health, which is sounds like he’s trying to do.

You know what else it probably means? It probably means that Mariah Carey needs to be supportive and caring and, you know, not threaten to leave him:

The rumor mill is on overdrive, and it’s saying that Mariah Carey is threatening her husband Nick Cannon with divorce if he doesn’t slow down and take time to focus on his health.

Nick has been hospitalized multiple times this year due to lupus nephritis, a rare form of lupus that attacks the kidneys

Mimi is so concerned over Nick’s condition that we hear she is threatening to leave Nick and take their twins Moroccan and Monroe with her!

“He thinks Mariah is overreacting and blowing everything out of proportion,” revealed an insider. “Besides that, Nick is insecure about living in Mariah’s shadow, and if he quit work altogether he feels like he’d have no identity of his own.

Nick has tried to comply and quit his “CBS Radio” show, but he’s refusing to give up other work commitments, including hosting “America’s Got Talent” and his weekly “Cannon’s Countdown” syndicated radio program.

“He hates being known as Mr. Mariah Carey.” Said the source: “Nick’s work is his passion, but he doesn’t want to lose his wife and his kids — or his life!”

I can’t tell if I think this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard or not. On one hand, I think Mariah truly loves Nick so, so much, and I really don’t ever see these two splitting up. On the other hand, I could maybe see that all these health problems are seriously scaring Mariah, and that she would be up for trying absolutely anything to get Nick to just slow down and focus on his health. Either way, I’m going to go ahead and say that these two are in it for the long haul. This rumor could be true, but nothing is going to come of it.

What do you guys think about it?