Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Liza Minnelli

Liza Minnelli has checked into rehab for substance abuse

liza minnelli

Liza Minnelli may be 69 years old, but that doesn’t mean she’s forgotten how to party. Perhaps a bit too hard, in fact, since she’s checked into rehab this week for substance abuse. She’s apparently responding well to treatment and won’t be there too long, and this isn’t her first time at the rodeo, so to speak, but here we are.

From People:

The actress, 69, has already checked into the facility, the name of which is not being disclosed, says Scott Gorenstein, a spokesperson for Minnelli.

“Considering she’s doing so well, we expect that she’ll be released shortly,” Gorenstein tells PEOPLE of the Cabaret star.

Minnelli has battled substance abuse over the years and has sought out treatment in the past.

Unfortunately, addiction like this is a lifelong battle, but good for her for recognizing she was in trouble again and seeking help for it.

I suppose my only question here is why her spokesperson needed to make a statement on this and why she couldn’t just discretely check into rehab? It’s not like she’s Taylor Swift and is constantly in the public eye, so none of us would have ever been the wiser if no announcement was made.

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Don’t Worry, Liza Minnelli Is Still Fabulous

A photo of Liza Minnelli

I know, like there was ever any doubt, right? Liza Minnelli will always be one sassy, fabulous lady, and these here quotes are only a reminder to this eternal truth:

On Judy Garland: ‘One day, I said to her: “Mama, why are you always so sad when you sing Over The Rainbow?” She looked at me. “It’s what they want,” she said. “Now let’s go get a hamburger.” Forget anything you’ve read. That’s how I remember her. That’s my reality.’

On reality: ‘Reality is something you have to rise above.’ What can she mean? A plume of smoke. ‘Well, if you don’t like a chapter in your life, then re-write it. It’s your life. Whatever gets you through. Ha! If you can stand back and laugh at something, you’re in control of the situation. You can face down your demons.’

On Michael Jackson: ‘In the end, the scorn, the cruelty, the vicious meanness — these are the things that took his life. He was one of the best performers we’ve ever had. He changed everything. But he was only a king when he was on stage.’

On Lady Gaga: ‘I love Lady Gaga. Not long ago, I went to see her show,’ she says. ‘Someone came up to me at the end and asked if I’d come backstage. Lady Gaga wanted to meet me. There she was, her hair normal, no weird costume. Just a simple dressing gown. She looked like a nice kid. She said: “You’re my favourite. You’re my hero.” There were photographers who wanted a picture of us together so she turned towards them and opened the front of her dressing gown. I immediately closed it. I laughed. She’s into the Madonna thing: shock value. And it works. But the girl has a big talent.’

On Madonna:‘I think she’s terrific. When I’m chatting to her, she’s just normal, the opposite of grand. We’ll meet in a restaurant with friends. Or hang out at a party. She’s always interesting and interested. She’s smart as hell and keeps her eyes peeled. She misses nothing.’

On men: ‘I’ve decided I want three lovers,’ she says, breezily. ‘The first would be enormously rich, with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin. The second would be someone who’s passionate about something — science, painting, anything, I don’t care. Passion is so sexy. And finally, I want someone who comes to see me twice a week. I don’t even have to know his name.’

I don’t know about you, but yeah, I still love the hell out of Liza Minnelli.

Love Liza

Liza, having a ciggie, sipping Coca-Cola through a straw

Celeb fashion photographer Terry Richardson glammed up Liza Minnelli—the original Hot Mess, kiddies—for a new photo spread in Issue 6 of LOVE Magazine.

Miss Minnelli is 65 damn years old, but she’s still got the stems of Catherine Zeta-Jones, the clavicle of Lindsay Lohan, and the ferocity of Patti Smith. There’s aging gracefully, and then there’s aging LOUD. Do not go gentle!

P.S. I did not initially catch that, in the photo up top, Liza is gussied up as a weary-eyed Statue of Liberty! Genius.

A Gaga Spoof That Will Haunt You Forever

I know there’s a lot of Liza Minnelli fans out there, but she’s the stuff my nightmares are made out of. This makes me, amongst other things, a horrible gay man and I realize that. So while this spoof of Lady Gaga’s epic “Telephone” video starring Christine Pedi as Liza Minnelli and Carol Channing is going to keep me awake tonight, I’m sure there are more than enough of you who will enjoy it. And I should add that my horror is truly a testament to Christine Pedi’s talent, because she knocks Liza out of the park in this video.

Don’t Listen To This Unless You Have Health Insurance

I am currently wrapped in blankets, I’ve taken two Vicodin I have left over from my last dental surgery and I’m drinking hot tea. I wish someone had given me the same warning that I just gave you before I listened to Liza Minnelli covering Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”. This was made for the Sex and the City 2 soundtrack, which is just futher proof that this franchise needs to be stopped dead in its tracks.

Look, I love Liza Minnelli as much as the next gay, I really do. But this is not chocolate and peanut butter. I don’t want Liza in my Beyonce and I don’t want Beyonce in my Liza. I feel really strongly about that.