Everyone started bugging out yesterday over a Snapchat video Kylie Jenner posted on her account that totally featured her saying “I’m high as fuck” before biting into some piece of delicious food. ESCANDALO! Because, you know, it’s so hard to imagine that a 17-year-old child who’s been dating a grown ass man for the past year who also happens to be a rapper and clearly smokes plenty of weed himself, would be getting high. Also, because she’s a teenager, and none of us EVER experimented with drugs or alcohol at that age.
I’m sure this will totally come as a massive shock to you guys, but listen to this: Kylie Jenner‘s lips are NOT NATURAL! She actually had fillers done, despite the fact that she’s (still) not even legally an adult and she made this decision when she was younger than she is now! While Kylie has tried to pretend that it’s all about “overlining” her lips, Khloespills the truth beans in an upcoming episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, because nothing in life exists for this family unless a camera is there to catch it.
It’s “too much” to ask you if you’ve cosmetically enhanced your appearance, when your entire career… is based on your appearance? At least Khloe gave her some good sisterly advice:
Mmmhm. Eventually, Kylie does open up to… the camera to say that she’s “insecure” about her lips and that’s why she decided to inject poison into them, just like her mom and sisters have done before:
LOL, her blank stare. I seriously wish she would just go back to school, get an education, and stop focusing so much on trying to be like Kim. It’s so sad, and so destructive, and it’s clear that she’s sorta just been thrown into this world of whoring herself out to anyone who will pay attention. For an adult who chooses that? Fine, whatever, but Kylie is still a child and if anything, I sorta pity her. She’s SO awkward and hopeless in this world.
Have you ever seen a family less aware of the world around them than the Kardashian/Jenner clan? Every single member – save for maybe Bruce, but he stayed with Kris for, like, 25 years, so I question his judgment, as well – lives in the clouds and has no idea how life actually works for most people. That’s the only reason I can imagine that Kylie and Kendall Jenner thought it would be a great idea to try and trademark their names.
It’s all part of the Kardashian’s blitzkrieg campaign. We’ve learned Kylie Jenner has filed an application last month to trademark her first name to “entertainment in the nature of providing information by means of a global computer network in the fields of entertainment, fashion and pop culture.”
Kylie also wants to mark her territory for personal appearances “by a celebrity, actress and model.”
Although someone might theoretically use the name “Kylie” with a different font, K.J.’s lawyers could swoop in and argue it creates confusion among consumers. So Kylie Minogue, move over.
BTW … Kendall has filed an application to trademark her first name for the same purposes.
Guys, I wish I was joking. When I first read this, I thought I had accidentally clicked on The Onion because it’s too ridiculous even for them. At least Kendall has a “job” as a model for now, while she’s the flavour of the month. Kylie does absolutely fuck all besides try to look like Kim and date a grown ass man who’s been with her since before she was legal.
Plus, clearly no one has introduced Kylie to the ORIGINAL and forever queen of the name:
I seriously wish I was kidding with this, but I’m most definitely not. Kylie Jenner‘s lips have been a topic of discussion for the past year or so, with everyone speculating whether she’d had collagen injections or if it was just a case of extreme over-lining. While Kylie swears it’s the latter, it doesn’t really matter because fans are desperate to get the Kylie look… even if it means permanently injuring themselves.
The #kyliejennerchallenge has been circulating on the internet the past few days, and basically requires you to suck on a shot glass with your lips inside in an effort to “plump” them like hers. What’s resulted is these idiot kids ending up with busted ass lips and in some cases, permanent nerve damage. Oh, and it looks terrible. I’ll throw a couple pics (just two of many) behind the cut because they’re pretty graphic, but Jesus Christ – what is wrong with kids? We did some stupid shit in my days, but this really is something else.
Things have gotten so bad that Kylie was forced to speak out against this nonsense on her Twitter page:
I'm not here to try & encourage people/young girls to look like me or to think this is the way they should look. (Cont…)
The last weekend of Coachella just finished, and it wouldn’t be the same if all the celebs didn’t come out to play. Take, for instance, some of the biggest celebrities in the world – Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner and Khloe Kardashian. They went! Oh, and Kylie’s grown man boyfriend, Tyga. He was there, too. We know all this because they had to publicize their exploits on Instagram. Can we talk about what the hell was happening with Kylie’s hair, please??? I mean, don’t even get me started on the outfit, either.
I don’t even think anyone in this family is a legit music fan, so clearly going to a music festival was just another chance for them to get press. It worked!
Meanwhile, this is what Kourtney was up to over in Las Vegas…
Because Kylie Jenner is the ripe old age of 17 and not getting any younger, and because you can never have enough millions of dollars, she’s now taken on the role as ambassador of the anti-aging skincare line Nip + Fab. The brand is the cheaper offshoot from the creators of Rodial, and Kylie’s been promo-ing their shit on her Instagram and directing fans to the Ulta website to buy it, which I’m sure these idiots are in droves.
Anyway, Nip + Fab are clearly loving the arrangement, and they’ve even arranged a part on their site entitled “Kylie’s Favorites”. Because, you know, I’m sure she totally uses their products and didn’t just pose whatever was sent to her PR people to post on social media before throwing it away to use something better.
Let’s be honest – 17 years old is WAY too young for anti-aging skincare. You use that when you’re nearing 30. For now, homegirl just needs to properly wash her face and moisturize it – oh, and wear sunscreen. Once she hits her 20s, she can start adding in a toner and serum, but anyone who believes that a 17-year-old is a good ambassador for anti-aging skincare needs a serious grip on reality. Not to mention the fact that employing anyone in the Kardashian/Jenner family for a skincare line is a fool’s errand. They never age – their plastic surgeon would never let that happen.
Kylie Jenner might only be 17, but she thinks she’s a grown ass woman. A messy grown ass woman, but a grown one nonetheless. In addition to dating a dude who’s basically a paedophile and going under the knifeas many times as she’s had birthdays, she also hinted on Snapchat yesterday that she’s got her nipples pierced by posting the following photo:
Charming. Because if there’s one thing people need to know, it’s that a teenager has her nipples pierced.
Filed under other things none of us ever needed to see because it’s just so wrong on so many levels, Kylie posted a video online this week of her… putting her pants all the way down her sister Kendall Jenner‘s pants. What the hell is wrong with this family?