Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kim Zolciak

Kim Zolciak is Pregnant and Smoking

No, not smoking hot, although I’m sure she would love that. Nope, a pregnant Kim Zolciak was caught sucking down cigs during a NFL game a couple weeks ago, after she’d already publicly announced that she was in the first trimester of her pregnancy.

Hmmm, baby daddy drama, announcing your pregnancy early AND smoking? Jeez, Kim. For an pregnant older woman, you sure aren’t giving your baby a very good chance of survival.

[Image courtesy of TMZ, obviously)

Kim Zolciak is Pregnant and Starting Shit With The Wrong Lesbian

Kim Zolciak is supposedly pregnant with Atlanta Falcons player Kroy Biermann’s baby. We know this because Kim asked her former lesbian lover DJ Tracy Young to raise the baby with her, and once she settled whatever fight she was having with Kroy, she dumped Tracy again, leaving her pissed and ready to talk to the press. Ugh. These people suck so brutally.

From Star:

Earlier this month, Tracy flew to Atlanta to reunite with Kim, four months after their bitter breakup. “She said she still loved me and wanted to tell me something important face to face,” Tracy tells Star exclusively in our Nov. 8 issue, on newsstands now.

Kim dropped the bombshell baby news and Tracy says, “When I asked her what she was going to do, she said, ‘I want you to stay and raise the baby with me, because Kroy doesn’t want to be involved.’” Little did Tracy know that only two days after Kim’s stunning announcement, her world would come crashing down as Kroy came back into the picture.

Wow. The presence of a harmless living being makes so many things that would normally just be trashy and uncomfortable flat-out unacceptable, huh?

Y’all have probably been more dedicated to this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta than I have, but what’s going on with Kim these days? She’s obviously no longer with Big Poppa, so she’s not making income from that. Her two daughters are getting older and less dependent on her, so perhaps she’s seeing the light at the end of the Child Support Tunnel and it’s freaking her out? Is that all this lady is good for? Pumping out other dude’s kids and picking up the checks? Yikes.

What In God’s Name Has Happened To Kim Zolciak’s Face?

It’s no secret that Kim Zolciak has used everything from saline to synthetic hair to amp up her look, but I cannot place my finger on what her most recent addition is in these photos from LAX this morning. Did Kim plump up her face with some Botox? Could that be a bit of healthy weight that she’s put on? Perhaps it’s the distracting combination of her outfit (it looks like a rejected costume from Selena Quintanilla Perez’s last concert tour) and those baby-blue hospital slippers, but I really can’t tell what it is that looks so different about her. Maybe Kim went for The Full-Heidi and got multiple nip, tucks and injections at one time, or maybe I just have vertigo again.

Kim Zolciak’s Gay Now, You Guys

Oh, I’m so shocked. Now that Kim Zolciak from Real Housewives of Atlanta is done with Big Papa, it’s time for her to move on… to women? Kim told US Weekly that she is, in fact, seeing a woman these days. DJ Tracy Young and Kim made their first public appearance together this weekend at the Blacks’ Annual Gala in Miami Beach. The couple has been together for three months. A source who knows the couple told Us, “Tracy broke up with her longtime girlfriend to be with Kim. Since they’ve been together, Tracy lost a lot of weight and got really skinny for Kim. They seem to be beyond happy with each other.”

I am not going to call Kim Zolciak a fake lesbian because I know that that’s bound to offend a lot of people. Instead, I will say that this only further proves that Kim probably has a dick. Or, ya know, maybe she’s bi. I don’t know. It seems awfully convenient to me that as soon as this woman’s fame starts to taper off, she shows back up in the papers with something we’re going to talk about. Yawn.

Bravo Doesn’t Realize That If They Fire Kim and NeNe, I Will Murder Them

Nene and Kim

So what’s the law about threats in print that can be written off as jokes? Am I going to go to jail for saying I’d kill Bravo execs if two of my favorite people ever on reality television get the ax from The Real Housewives of Atlanta? Because I absolutely would stab Andy Cohen in cold blood if season three of Real Housewives of Atlanta comes back without Kim and Nene, but not really.

There’s word out now that it might happen, though. Kim and Nene’s egos have blown up as the second season continued to garner high ratings and a cult-like following and now they want more money and are acting like they’re part of Diva’s Live 2010. While a source who spoke to People Magazine didn’t give any specifics about their demands, they do say that NeNe and Kim’s requests have become so outrageous that the network is looking in to other options for season three. While I don’t completely mind change (the addition of Kandi last season was the best thing they’ve ever done), losing Kim and Nene and leaving us with Lisa and Sheree? Doesn’t feel like the show would be anywhere near as interesting. Forget the drama, you can’t find another Kim and another Nene.

Kim Zolciak Gets More Help From The Professionals

You all should know by now that Real Housewives of Atlanta is one of my favorite things about living on earth in present times, so you know I gotta check out every spoof that comes out. This one that’s up on Funny or Die now is pretty great. Amy Phillips does her impression of the queen of function punctuality, Kim Zolciak and explains how her culty hit “Don’t Be Tardy For The Party” got off the ground. Not just that, but other celebrities come in to the booth to help her out. I won’t spoil it for you, but her Lady Gaga is quite funny.

I Suggest That You Arrive to the Party in a Timely Fashion

If you watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, you know that one of the funniest things to happen all season was the recording of Kim Zolciak’s single “Don’t Be Tardy For the Party”.  If you don’t watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, it doesn’t matter. This is still pretty funny. Although the full track has been floating around on the Internet for a couple months ago, I had the pleasure of stumbling upon this “music video” that Bravo put together for Kim that features all of seasons of Housewives. Since I’m generous and it’s Saturday, I thought I would post this here for you as a reminder that, wherever you’re going tonight, you should be prompt. Enjoy!