Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kim Kardashian

Russell Brand Loses It for Good, Jokes About Wanting a Kardashian Foursome

russell brand kardashians

Russell Brand might be a generally cool dude, but he’s also a f-cking weirdo who says some bizarre shit sometimes that makes me wonder what in the hell he was thinking, if he was indeed thinking anything at all. His latest foray into nonsense included joking about wanting a foursome with the Kardashians three – Kim, Kourtney and Khloe – and yes, that’s in spite of Kim being heavily pregnant (which seems to be even more of a turn on).

While guest hosting Chelsea Lately, the Kardashians interviewed Brand, during which he said (via DigitalSpy):

“I’m vulnerable to the concept of a KKK threesome,” Brand quipped, leading Khloe to say to the pregnant Kim: “Well, I heard pregnant p***y is the best p***y.”

The comedian went on to say: “I think pregnant women are radiant and beautiful and the idea of lactation is an interesting one.”

Brand went on to tease that his sexual experience with the Kardashian siblings would entail a “limitless, foaming river of milk and orgasm”.

Uh… I don’t consider myself to be easily grossed out, but that gave me shivers, and not in a good way. I mean, “the idea of lactation is an interesting one”?? Whatever floats your boat, bro, but keep it to yourself.

Ray J Says You’re Thinking Too Hard About His Kim Kardashian Song

kim kardashian ray j

Ray J may have “hit it first” when it comes to Kim Kardashian and felt the need to release an entire song about it in a desperate plea for some amount of attention since the world literally gives zero shit about him, but now that everyone is getting in an uproar about the track, he wants to set the record straight. You see, Ray J wasn’t dissing Kim and Kanye at all! No, he’s a lover rather than a fighter and would never do that. He just wants the world to know about the “concept” of giving her The D before Kanye got in there for God knows what reason. Don’t take things so personally, guys!

From Hot 97:

“It’s a song, it’s not about that. It’s about a concept, you know what I’m saying? People are going way too deep… They’ve just got to keep it on the surface. Like, I’m not trying to create no war. It’s all love. We’re doing music.”

“I think people are digging into it too deep. It’s a song – we’re just having fun, that’s it. It’s not a war. It’s not a diss song. We’re just having fun. Bring it back to the song – that’s all I’m on.”

Someone needs to phone Miriam Webster, because Ray J clearly doesn’t understand the definition of “concept”, which tends to be more subtle than “I had her head going north and her ass going south/ but now baby chose to go West”, for starters. Second of all, it’s not even a good song. No one’s going to sit around listening to it and thinking, “Goddamn! Hope Kanye’s got some ice for that burn!!” No, they’re going to be thinking, “What the f-ck is this bullshit?” and turn it off immediately. Nice try, Ray J.

In Case You Haven’t Heard, Ray J Hit It First, And He Really, Really, Really Wants You To Know That

ray j kim hit it first young kim kardashian

Ray J is some sort of rapper but really we know him most fondly for his sex tape with Kim Kardashian. And he knows we know it. Thus, continuing to ride the sweet Kardashian train to relevant town, Mr. J dropped this gorgeous track, “I Hit It First”.

The song is a dazzling work of hilarity. Some lyrics:

I hit it I hit it I hit I hit I hit I hit I hit it first

I hit it I hit it I hit I hit I hit I hit I hit it first

Then he really lets his masterful lyrics come through:

She might move on to rappers and ballplayers
But we all know I hit it first.

I had her head going North and her ass going South
But now baby chose to go West

I think I see what he did there. It’s difficult, as this song flirts with the levels of subtlety that Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” and Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughta Know” do, but if we listen carefully, we can decode that the messages in this song are perhaps about a relationship with Kim Kardashian but only PERHAPS.

I don’t know, if only we had another clue…let’s take a look at the single’s cover.

ray j kim k cover pixelated

Could it…could it be?

kim kardashian black bikini ray j cover

By God.

 

Kim Kardashian’s Pregnancy Looks Of The Week 2nd Edition

kim kardashian red pants red heels

Kim Kardashian is pregnant!!! Did you guys know this? I don’t think we’ve heard anything about this. Let’s take another look at her inspiring pregnancy fashion from this past week.  Good news: nothing was as bad as this.

I just want you to be happy, Kim. I think you would be really, really happy if you wore comfortable shoes and stopped binding your tummy with the tightest of leathers.

Thanks to Zimbio for the photos.

Ryan Lochte Wants To Be Just Like Kim Kardashian

ryan lochte kim kardashian

As you probably already know, Ryan Lochte has a reality show coming on soon, and who better to look to as a beacon of success in that arena but Kim Kardashian, the veritable queen of unscripted-but-really-scripted TV? I know, I know – who in their right mind would want to have anything in common with the Kardashians (except maybe their money)? Alas, Ryan’s swimming prowess has canceled out his brain power and that’s exactly what he wants.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

“Kim started from pretty much nothing, and now everyone everywhere knows who she is,” he says. “That’s what I want to do.”

As well known for his six-pack abs, “playa” reputation and oversize sneaker collection as he is for his three world records and 11 Olympic medals (including five golds), Lochte sees no reason why he can’t follow Kardashian’s trajectory. “I’ve seen what E! has done in the past with reality shows like hers,” he says admiringly of his network co-star, whom he has not yet met. “Today, she’s huge.”

Well… okay, but newsflash: training your whole life to become a world-class athlete who has won medals at the Olympics is a much bigger accomplishment than turning your life into a soap opera for any gadget with a record function in a 100 yard radius. I mean, I think so, anyway.

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? seems like the Jackass of the Generation Y set – stoners, apply within – and therefore it will probably be cringe-worthy and really hilarious. In other words, I’m in.

Kim Kardashian Says She Doesn’t Like Junk Food, Only Craves “Carrots and Celery”

kim kardashian

Kim Kardashian pretty much gets shit on a daily basis for putting on so much weight during her pregnancy, which is ridiculous and stupid because hello, she’s having a baby and second of all, who in the hell is anyone to tell a woman off because she doesn’t fit society’s example of the sexy, curvaceous, ogle-worthy woman she’s supposed to be? Ugh, don’t even get me started on this (and besides, Jezebel does it better).

However, I do think it’s pretty sad that for some reason or other, Kim can’t just be like, “Yeah, I’m chillin’ with a pack of Oreos and some KFC three nights a week – I’ll work my ass off to lose it when I have the baby but for now, who cares?” Instead, she says dumb shit, like that she’s super upset that she just doesn’t like junk food and instead craves carrots and celery. Oooookay.

From E! News:

“I just don’t crave any of the junk food that I used to eat normally and that really is upsetting to me,” Kardashian told E! News. “I thought I was going to be home eating like McDonald’s and Taco Bell and ice cream—can’t eat any of it.”

“I mean, all the magazine’s say I’m like 500 pounds,” she jokes. “I crave carrots and celery with ranch,” she revealed. “I have to have that once a day, and protein bars.”

No, just stop the madness. Girl, you have put on a bit of weight since getting pregnant, and it’s not all in your stomach. That’s not “carrots and celery” weight, that’s 20-piece McNuggets and a large fries weight, if you feel me. Is there any shame in that game? Hell no (so long as you’re actually eating the carrots and celery and other healthy things for the growing person inside of you to do so correctly, that is). But there’s no reason to go over the top with blatant lies about it, because then you just look sad. Real sad.

Anyway, for all y’all thinking that Kanye isn’t appreciating Kim being large and in charge, think again – he apparently loves it!

“It’s just such an exciting thing, I think, for the guys to see our bodies go through all these different changes,” she explained. “He loves it and just embraces it. And he’s helped me to really feel sexy and embrace it.”

Awww, Kim! He’s such a great guy – you’re so lucky that you have a dude who might even deign to hold your hand as you push this kid out of your vagina if it means his progeny is here sooner. I just can’t anymore.

The Kardashian Sisters Might Sue Over This Offensive Indian Car Ad

kardashians ford ad

I’m no defender of the Kardashian sisters three – Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. However, I am a defender of basic human rights, especially when it comes to women, and Indian advertising company JWT took shit to the next level when they released an ad for the new Ford Figo which featured the reality stars bound and gagged in the car’s trunk as Paris Hilton winks and smirks from the front seat. Uh, okay.

The tagline for the ad – which features another not-meant-to-be-released incarnation that’s just offensive: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi with similarly bound and gagged strippers in the trunk – is ‘Leave Your Worries Behind’, which makes zero sense. Basically JWT is asserting that anyone who could be causing you trouble (or seen as competition, I assume, in the Kardashian ad case?) can be handled by tying them up, gagging them and storing them in the trunk of your new Ford car. Have I got it about right? Okay, well, one more question, then: What the fuck?

Ford has offered an apology on JWT’s behalf and the ad agency’s parent company swore that the images were uploaded to the internet without their knowledge or permission, but it still begs the question of WHY THEY WERE EVER MADE AT ALL. But whatever, I guess common sense isn’t an inherent trait in all humans. In any case, the Kardashians aren’t taking this lying down and are considering suing over this whole thing.

From Yahoo! OMG:

“The ‘leave your worries behind’ Ford ads are disgusting, vile and offensive to all women,” a Kardashian attorney told “omg! Insider.” “It is unacceptable that Ford would align itself with an ad agency that would so carelessly release these ads. The Kardashians do not take this lightly and they are exploring all of their legal options.”

Fair enough. It’s not like they need the money and more often than not they’re doing this more from a “damaging the Kardashian brand” stance rather than a feminist and, you know, basic human being one, but whatever.