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Kim Kardashian

3Kim Will Follow Kanye When He Tours

kim kardashian pregnant white

Kanye West is NOT A CELEBRITY so we shouldn’t even be talking about this, but apparently Kanye is scheduling a tour for his upcoming album in October and word has it that Kim Kardashian is going to take her newly born moneylump and follow him. From TMZ:

There are reports Kim felt like Kanye was abandoning her by scheduling a tour for his new album in October — just three months after she’s expected to give birth — but sources close to the touring company tell us, that’s not true … because Kim and the baby are coming along for the ride.

And she’s not messing around either — we’re told the touring company has already been given orders to arrange for cribs and soundproof hotel rooms at every stop.

Ball so hard.

Hope your bus can float, Kim, because you know he’s hitting up all of Europe. He’ll probably go to Antarctica if it can buy him more time away from you and your childrearing plan. Not that it isn’t a great idea to bring a newly born baby on a tour bus for months.

May 17, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

3Oh, This Should Be Good: Kim Kardashian Will Use Mothering Skills Learned From Kris Jenner

kim kardashian kris jenner

Kim Kardashian isn’t expected to be a good mother by anyone’s stretch of imagination, but prepare for your percentage of faith to plummet into the triple negative digits when you realise that she’s going to be approaching motherhood using skills learned from… Kris Jenner. Momager extraordinaire Kris is the most batshit insane parent on TV and probably one of the most batshit insane off-screen, as well. Of all the adjectives to describe her parenting style, I don’t know that “good” would come in the Top 100. And yet…

Let us have it, Kimmy’s blog:

Mother’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it’s a special day to honor my role model and best friend. As I’m counting the days until I finally get to be a mother, I’m a bit nervous and anxious but also excited knowing that I learned from the very best. My mom is a strong and ambitious career woman that despite her busy schedule and the millions of things she has going on, she still manages to put family first and continues to look out for us every day. Motherhood is a gift and I know after watching my mom do it, it’s not easy especially when trying to balance a career. I’m honored to follow in her footsteps and make her proud like I am of her.

Oh dear… Kim also says she’ll look to sister Kourtney for some help, which is, I suppose, fractionally better, but not by much. She hasn’t even given birth to this kid yet and it’s already shaping up to be a disaster. Her perfect romance with Kanye going awry? Check. Momager Kris trying to take over the whole affair? Check. Kim WANTING her to? Lord help us all.

May 16, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

5Kim’s Friends Say “U.S. Not Good Enough” For Kanye; Plus Blind Item

kanye west kim kardashian street sign paparazzi

Kanye West, dodger of Kim Kardashian and street signs, is concerning Kim’s family and friends by trying to spend as little time with her in Los Angeles and as much time in Paris as possible. Why is no one getting the hint?

A “close friend of the family” told Radaronline,

We just do not understand why she is traveling to Paris to see him. She is the pregnant one. Kanye will fly in to see the editors of Vogue, but he won’t fly in to see the lady carrying his child. The only way they have a future is if Kim continues to do whatever he says.

LOL at “the lady carrying his child.” Continuing on,

Some of the greatest records that have ever been recorded have been recorded in America. I am sorry that the US recording studios are not good enough for Kanye – they were good enough for Elvis, Sinatra and Michael Jackson, but not Kanye!

THIS IS A VERY COMPELLING ARGUMENT. I mean, wow! I am convinced. KANYE, GET YOUR ASS TO THE UNITED STATES IMMEDIATELY.

Another source gave us insight to Kanye’s new war against street signs, saying,

He told [Kim] that she should have guided him out of the way. He treats her like his assistant. She is putting up with it at the moment but eventually she will say enough!

LOL again, because the street sign thing reminds me of this:

sideshow bob rakes gif

She will never say “enough”. Kanye is her ticket to the A list. Not that she will ever be truly A list, but she’s now so many more levels above other reality stars. Whatever Kanye sees in her and whatever he wants to do with her and their child, she will agree to and cling onto for dear life.

Which sound a lot like this blind item from Blind Gossip

She really, really wants you to believe that their relationship is so strong that the couple is making all their decisions together.

Ha! Not even close! He has totally gone off the reservation and is now making decisions without her… while she is scrambling to keep up and pretend that these are her decisions too!

This far-away house is not going to be her permanent residence too. Los Angeles is her home. She may travel  or stay somewhere for a few months, but she will never really leave LA. Her fame is contingent upon her being followed by the paparazzi, so to think that she would seriously move to a place where they are so restricted is illogical.

It is also an incredibly clever move on his part. He will buy a house, and let her stay there occasionally so that she can pretend that she is a sophisticated, international star. But he knows that she can’t stand being out of the spotlight long, and will high-tail it back to LA every chance she gets.

On the other hand, he will stay there frequently. That way he can be far away from her… and closer to his boyfriend.

I don’t think Kanye is actually gay, but I do think it’s clear this blind item is about them.

May 15, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

4Anna Wintour Had To Be Convinced To Invite Kim K To Met Gala; Drew The Line At Kris

kim kardashian met gala dress kanye

Kim Kardashian wore a delightful Mrs. Doubtfire ensamble to the Met Gala last week. It was so fabulous that Vogue cropped her out of a photo with Kanye, so that he could make the “best dressed” list without being tainted. Kim K’s deletion is making more sense considering that Anna Wintour really didn’t want to invite her. She didn’t last year, but this year relented as Kim is dating Kanye West who gives her more cred in the non-reality entertainment world.

But she drew the line at mom Kris Kardashian. From Radaronline:

“One Kardashian is enough!”

That was the blunt edict Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour delivered after learning Kim Kardashian‘s momager, Kris Jenner, enquired about attending last week’s A-List Met Costume Institute Gala, RadarOnline.com has learned.

“Anna approves every star who enters and although she finally relented on Kim, she drew the line at Kris, who was desperate to attend,” a source said.

“Anna wants a parade of stars at the gala, not a parade of reality stars!”

So I guess we can assume that we will not see Kris at this event, ever, or any other reality star unless they marry up. Hugely up.

AND I think we can assume that Gwyneth Paltrwoeisme will not be invited next year.

May 13, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

3Kanye West Hit His Head And Absolutely Flipped Out

kanye hit his head

Kanye West has been remarkably restrained considering he is going to be the father of a medica circus’ future little media circus. (I’m referring to Kim Kardashian, in case you have mistakenly time travelled from the 1800′s and stopped long enough to get your gossip fix.) He’s mostly been dealing with it by living in France, where paparazzi laws are very strict. Living there allows him a little more freedom and also gets him far away from Kim Kardashian, her annoying fame hungry family and her entire reality empire.

So when he flipped out today at a paparazzo, I’m on his side. Kanye and Kim were strolling around, trying to avoid the paparazzi when he accidentally hit his head on a sign. (My favorite part is that the sign read “WRONG WAY.” So true.) It looked like it really hurt. He lashed out, blaming the photographers, shouting at them to stop taking his photo. I get that. When I stub my toe or do something like that I will shout at anyone near me and blame them. “YOU ASKED ME WHAT TIME IT WAS AND I STUBBED MY TOE, THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU DISTRACTED ME.” It’s stupid, but I do it. I think sometimes we all do. We’re having a rough day and we’re annoyed.

But Kanye wasn’t done. He went back and then raged at a different paparazzo. He’s really, REALLY upset. It’s hard to tell if he was violent with the video guy but he was definitely angry, using a string of curse words. It’s kind of intense.

The thing is, Kanye, you chose this life. You know Kim wants to be in public 24/7 if she could, you know she’s going to attract paparazzi, and you know she’s not going to change.

But I hope your head feels better.

Video (from TMZ), in which he completely freaks out.

And if that’s not enough for you, we also have photos of Kim trying to comfort Kanye right after he hit his head.

May 11, 2013 at 8:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

6Kanye West Wants His Baby to Be French, Kim Kardashian Not So Much

kim kanye

Ah, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West – a love story for the ages! Kim’s going to be popping out Kanye’s progeny any day now, and it’s terrifying to think of these two as parents. Turns out if Kanye had his way, we wouldn’t even HAVE to think about them, because they’d be raising baby Kimye in Paris as a sophisticated French kid – something Kim is trying to put a stop to.

From Life & Style:

Life & Style can reveal that although Kim wants her kid to be born in LA, a source close to the Kardashian family dishes, “Kanye wants the baby born in Paris,” explaining, “He would love the baby to have dual citizenship.”

“Kanye is absolutely insistent that the baby will be raised in France, but Kim’s refusing to let that happen,” the insider details in the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands now. “It’s so important for her to be near her family and have the baby grow up around its aunts, uncles and cousins. There’s no way she’ll stop fighting Kanye on this.”

Despite Kanye’s luxe Parisian penthouse the couple could be living in, the insider says of their previous agreed upon arrangement, “They were supposed to spend just three months in Paris. Now he wants to move them permanently to Paris.”

This is Life & Style we’re talking about, so chances are this story had as much thought put into it as a fart. Still, Kanye might just be that insane. Too bad we’ll never know, because Kris Jenner will NOT BE HAVING THAT.

And while Kanye is pushing for his first child to be raised abroad — reportedly a baby girl due in July — Kim has taken measures into her own hands. “Kim is against the idea and wants the baby born in LA with the family doctor who delivered Mason and Penelope,” the source tells Life & Style.

A family friend says Kim, has a strong ally on her side in momager Kris Jenner. “Kris is adamant that this happens and has already reserved the suite at Cedars and paid the deposit.”

But if Kanye knows what’s best, he’ll take this one as a loss. “Kanye isn’t happy,” the insider says. “But he doesn’t think he can win this one.”

Kanye’s ego may have the power of the Abominable Snowman, but it’s no match for the monster that is momager Kris. Doesn’t he know this by now?

May 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer