Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Khloe Kardashian

Kris Jenner blames “pranksters” for sabotaging her family

kardashians jenners

Ooookay, wait just a rootin’ tootin’ second here. Kris Jenner claims that there’s some band of “pranksters” out there who are purposely planting false information about the Kardashian/Jenner clan in the media in an effort to sabotage the family, apparently. If that’s not self-righteous enough for you, she thinks it’s someone in that prankster group that started the whole Kris Jenner sex tape “rumour”, as well.

From TMZ:

Sources close to Kris tell us, the matriarch is convinced she and the rest of the Kardashian family are the victims in an elaborate prank plot — and she believes the people behind it are the same people who spread rumors she was in a sex tape.

We’re told the group is responsible for a string of pranks against the family — planting bogus stories about the sex tape, Kris dating a rapper, Kim’s wedding, Rob Kardashian in rehab, and more.

Even crazier … Kris believes one of the pranksters has been impersonating her to a tee, booking fake photoshoots and fancy restaurant reservations around the country.

We’re told the group booked a Kardashian reservation at every Nobu in America last week — and Kris only found out when her phone rang off the hook with requests to confirm. We’re told Kris has now given her favorite restaurants code words to verify Kardashian reservations from here out.

I mean… I guess it’s possible or something? I know people have a lot of spare time on their hands and do stupid shit, but creating fake restaurant reservations? What would be the point, honestly? Also, in re: the sex tape, she wouldn’t have been so worked up about it/continued talking about it if it didn’t exist. How can someone blackmail you over something they don’t have? Think about it, Kris – you’re your own worst “prankster”.

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Apparently “Kardashian Phobia” is a real thing

mike

Well, there’s a whole new illness on the block, and this one is particularly hilarious/strange/bizarrely fitting. Apparently retail assistant Mike Amess has a severe phobia of the entire Kardashian family to the point of becoming ill whenever he so much as sees a picture of them. HAHAHA! Here’s the scoop from The Daily Mail (PLEASE read the whole thing – this is so hilarious):

He breaks out in a cold sweat whenever he sees or hears the famous family and says the sight of a semi-naked Kim even makes him vomit with disgust.

The 24-year-old from Exeter explains, ‘Just hearing the sound of the Kardashians’ nasal voices or catching a glimpse of them on screen makes me feel nauseous and shaky. My hands get clammy, my breathing gets heavier and I start sweating. Sometimes, I get teary and want to retch.’

Apparently this phobia started with having watched Kim‘s sex tape, which “repulsed” him – and not just because he’s gay.

‘I really wanted to be aroused by her so I kept watching it but she made me feel more and more upset. By the end of the tape, I had burst into tears. The experience left me terrified and I never wanted to see Kim’s face again. I have come to terms with my homosexuality now but my dread towards her has never left.’Mike says that his phobia has got worse since Kim’s fame skyrocketed and his fear now extends to the whole Kardashian family.

He explains, ‘Kim and her sisters look and sound so similar – they’re a mess. They make my stomach churn, I hate it. I dislike everything about them, especially their physical appearance. I don’t understand how anyone could find them attractive. I can’t stand their voices either. They’re so whiny and shrill – it really gets under my skin.’

LOL. He’s also really upset because he “misses out” on important celebrity gossip because he’s afraid he’ll have to see a picture of one of the Kardashians and he’ll throw up again, the way he did when he saw the ‘Bound 2′ video for the first time:

He says, ‘One day, I was lazing about on the sofa in front of the TV. I was skipping through music channels and that video came on.

Seeing Kim naked, with her boobs bouncing about like that brought back memories of that horrendous sex tape. It was like reliving that incident all over again.

‘Before I knew it, I was sweating like a pig and throwing up. When I hear ‘Bound 2′ on the radio now, I have to switch the station immediately.’

I just can’t with this guy. Also, he blames his single status on the Kardashians and even had to break-up with a former boyfriend because of his fear. Like, WHAT? Oh, and he can’t seek doctor’s help because he knows he’d get laughed out of the office. This is the best story (and the most full of bullshit story) EVER. Also, how great is it that his last name is “Amess”? He can say that shit again.

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Khloe Kardashian still isn’t over Lamar Odom

khloe kardashian

Shit went sour between Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom real quick. His crack addiction got out of control, that video of him rapping nasty things about her was released and it wasn’t long before divorce papers were filed. It was all pretty messed up, and I actually thought Khlomar could make it, but it was unfortunately not meant to be.

While Khloe knows she made the right decision in ending their marriage, she admitted in a new interview with Australia’s 2Day FM Breakfast with the Stars show that she’s still not really over it.

“It’s definitely not anything I’m through. I’m going through it, but I’m not through it.”

Well, that’s about right. It hasn’t even been a year since this all went down, so of course it’s going to still be fresh.

Side note: on my flight to LA last week I happened to catch the few episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians where the marriage was going south and Kim staged an intervention and fake cried about how hard it is to see Khloe going through all of this. Yes, it’s hard to watch a legit relationship fall apart, isn’t it, Kim? You know she didn’t shed a tear when she got rid of Kris Humphreys!

Anyway, Khloe is still the best Kardashian, the end.

Khloe Kardashian Got Naked For Her First Vine Post

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Khloe Kardashian doesn’t have much going on right now, it seems. The Game has publicly denied being at all involved with (or even interested in) her and has instead admitted that he’s already fucked her sister. Her old house with her soon-to-be crackhead ex-husband was recently robbed and she has a fat brother. What’s there for a girl to do besides join Vine and get topless for her first video?

“Khlomoney” posted the following clip yesterday with zero explanation, so I’ll just leave this here. What’s with this family’s need for perpetual attention?

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Well, Khloe Kardashian Is Being a Bit of a Dick

khloe kardashian

I love animals, but I also love to eat them and don’t really have a problem with people wearing them as coats. I think PETA is a bunch of bullshit and their tactics are horrendous, but I also feel like Khloe Kardashian‘s recent foray into the blood-smeared “Fuck Your Fur” world is tasteless and kinda corny (not to mention a waste of good fur).

If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought this was Kim and she’d been put up to it by Kanye, who really wanted to make a statement against the man! But alas… Apparently this is indeed fake fur, and the design on the jacket was made that way, not spray-painted on (FASHION!) – after all, Khloe is an animal lover and used to be part of PETA… until they flour-bombed Kim on the red carpet back in 2012. CLASSIC!

Here she is showing off her piece of shit coat:

Awful! And I bet it cost thousands upon thousands of dollars, “faux” or not. Speaking of the whole “faux” bit, apparently people on Twitter don’t really know what that means and were giving her shit about the coat, which then further enraged her. Hilarious!

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Kylie Jenner Got Hurt on a Trampoline

kylie jenner

Well, now everything is news, I suppose. Kylie Jenner went to the hospital yesterday after she was injured while jumping on a trampoline with older sister Khloe Kardashian. Apparently her injury was “painful” (though nonspecific) and of course since nothing really happened if it’s not documented on social media, Kylie took the opportunity to post the selfie above and give us a little explanation:

“in the hospital thanks to @khloekardashian. (Look at her page for the reason why) my mom said ‘never thought I would take u to the doctor for a trampoline accident at this age) this means war Khloe. Ps. It was painful taking this photo.”

Khloe replied soon after with the following photo, claiming it was proof that Kylie did it to herself:

kylie khloe trampoline

So… those photos make it look like Kylie hurt her back, but she’s holding her nose in the selfie. WHO CAN SOLVE THIS MYSTERY?! In any case, glad she’s okay, I guess.

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Kaley Cuoco Bought Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s Old House

kaley cuoco ryan sweeting

Well, Kaley Cuoco has moved up in the world and is going to be living the dream: she and new hubby Ryan Sweeting have bought Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom‘s old house for an insane $5.49 million. I mean, it’s a nice place, and all – it’s located in Tarzana, California and has the seven bedrooms and eight bathrooms and is described as a “breathtaking Mediterranean villa within the estates section of guard-gated Mulholland Park”.

Khloe put the house on the market late last year after her split from Lamar and originally was only asking $4 million (they paid $3.95 million in 2009) so it sold for quite a bit above the asking price. Apparently Khloe’s looking for a house close to momager Kris in Hidden Hills now, according to TMZ.

It’s a pretty nice house, all told, but I’m such a cheapskate that I can’t imagine that I’d spend anywhere near that on a house regardless of how rich I am. That’s so much money! What do you think of the place?

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