She’s also a love sick cowgirl, obviously. And that’s why we love this girl.

But you know how we’ve been talking about the true identity of Khloe Kardashian‘s biological father for months now? We’ve heard that it could be anyone from O.J. Simpson to … uh … any other man that lived in or around L.A. during the time that Khloe was conceived, but the one thing we seem to have settled on is that it probably isn’t Robert Kardashian. If you look at Robert Kardashian’s other kids, it just seems suspicious, doesn’t it?

The official word from the Kardashian camp all this time has been “of course Robert Kardashian is Khloe’s bio dad, don’t be ridiculous.” But now we’re hearing quite a bit from Khloe herself, who admits that yeah, she doesn’t really know any more than we do:

Khloe Kardashian, 27, cracked a lot of jokes about not knowing who her dad is but seriously admitted that she really doesn’t know if Robert Kardashian is actually her biological father.

“Do you know who my daddy is? I don’t either, honey!” she told  DJ Swag on New York’s Hot 97 on Feb. 15, while on air to promote the second season of Khloe & Lamar, premiering Feb 19.  “Well I know, my dad is my dad…but geez everyone is confusing me at this point!”

Her dad is her dad? Like, what does that mean?

“I’m Armenian, well now — supposedly, if that is my dad…my dad’s mom has very pale skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, but my sisters are all cookie-cutter kids, and even my brother is dark and I came out very light, blonde curly, curly, curly hair, like an afro and green eyes.”

Although her family has teased her entire life about not being a real Kardashian, Khloe admits she’s never gotten a DNA test to confirm if the late Robert Kardashian is her pops.

“I actually DNA tested my mom, but now people are saying ‘No, we’re not questioning you’re mom, we’re questioning your father,’” she said. “She’s my mom, but yeah, I have no idea who my dad is, I guess?”

Despite our confusion on her self-professed confusion, Khlo says she’s fine if people are convinced her dad is O.J. Simpson or even Kris Jenner’s hairdresser Alex Roldan; like some people have suggested, she just doesn’t like it when she hears the rumor that “someone was saying this is my father’s dying confession.”

“So questioning me being a Kardashian…do whatever you want, but do not bring my father into it because he’s not here, that’s what I got most offended about,” she said.

Being a father is one thing, but being a baby daddy is an entirely different thing. Is she making that distinction?

Poor Khloe. I hope that, if she feels the need for it, she learns the truth. But not on a television show. I know it’s a lost cause at this point, but please, stay classy, Kris Jenner.

I can’t get over this. Khloe Kardashian moves away from her family to Dallas for her husband’s basketball career and something amazing happens. Something unbelievable. Something flat-out unfathomable: she’s come into her own and she really, really IS the best Kardashian. How many times have we said it on this site before I finally, actually believed it? Man. Probably a million at this point. And did you ever expect anything like it? I sure as hell didn’t.

I mean, yeah, she totally looks like she’s rocking a sixteen-inch penis in the above photo, and though I’m curiously aroused by it, I’m willing and able to look past that to see the difference that’s obvious to anyone who looks close enough: Khloe looks happy, confident, and healthy away from the poisonous gas that her phantom life-suck mother and sisters (Kim, specifically speaking) constantly leak like a half-senile, incontinent old woman.

It’s almost as if finding out that a man almost completely outside the ring of fire (read: Kris Jenner’s vagina) fathered her and has utterly freed her to be what she’s always been meant to be: not a Kardashian. Not a Jenner. Yeah, Kris Jenner’s still her mother (or so we think), but this separation puts enough degrees of difference in there that Khloe could feasibly renounce her mother’s maternity and move on to live an almost-normal life. Honestly, the girl’s only twenty-seven years old. Just think – in another twenty-seven years, people might start to forget who Kris Jenner (not to mention the other Kardashians) is.

That’s it! That’s all you need to do, K. Pick up the Odom surname indefinitely, keep your ass in Texas, and sever all ties with Those Who Aren’t Good Enough to Lick the Slime Off Your Boots.

I’m strictly speaking on behalf of your better interest, girl.

Well, OK, not “confirmed,” but this here photo, posted on Kylie Jenner’s Twitter with the obvious caption of, “First official photo of my sister and her dad! Like father like daughter!” is definitely reason enough to say, “Yeah, this is definitely the dude that got wicked wasted one night, accidentally slept with Kris Jenner, and changed the face of the Kardashians forever in siring the only ‘normal’ Kardashian in life – Khloe Kardashian.”

So, anyway, aside from that, did you guys think you’d ever see a photo like this? And hard as I try, I don’t see any evidence of Photoshopping, so it looks like Khloe here is definitely familiar with Kris Jenner‘s former “hair dresser” (and that term taken out of context really sort of makes me regurgitate last night’s dinner), Alex Roldan. And really, one way or the other, aren’t they sweet?

So! I guess the question we should be asking here is “Is this for real, or is little Jenner making a big joke out of something that’s not true at all?” If looks can factor into it at all – and personally, I think they should; you know, that whole crazy “genetics” thing – I think that there’s positively no shadow of a doubt that this dude here is Khloe Kardashian’s real father. And maybe if he’s Kris’s ‘former’ hair dresser, and is no longer in her life, and Khloe’s out of the Kardashian Kompound and living in Dallas, Texas – just MAYBE it’s high time for girlfriend to make a break for herself and dissociate herself from the Kardashian-Jenners altogether. Now’s the perfect time, if I say so myself.

I’M IN YOUR CORNER, KHLOE, WOO.

Kris Jenner, congratulations. You really take the cake. I mean it. Just have it. Have it all.

I cannot even begin to wrap my brain around a how a mother could possibly do this to her daughter—her nicest, most sincere, very tallest daughter—but sources speculate that Kris Jenner plans to formally ‘out’ Khloe Kardashian‘s real dad on national TV. Of all the evil machinations…!

And here I am, reporting it to you like some schmo. Yep, Kris. Yep. You’ve finally broken me. You’ve won. It’s gonna sell, all right. So enjoy that continued money and fame: you’ve absolutely earned it. And at whose expense, exactly? Gnaw on that awhile.

Worse, it’s all so pointless. Like, we pretty much know the biological father is one Alex Roldan. “Confirmation” won’t dazzle anyone. There is zero dazzle here. However, the fact that Mama Jenner wants to wrap an entire narrative arc around the myriad ways she’s caused Khloe Kardashian endless pain? That degree of selfishness and narcissism is, wow, just spectacularly dazzling.

Granted, the sources here are squirrelly—ONTD filched the information from Blind Gossip—but Kris Jenner is so profoundly vile, I am just throwing my hands in the air. It pings just as true as any other rumor, right? Just, here:

Kris is taking this another step forward. She wants to introduce Khloe’s real biological father as a plot point on a “very special episode” of one of the Kardashian shows. We’re going to spoil her surprise by introducing him here first. (FYI, Kris did tell Khloe who the man is already, so this is not coming a surprise for anyone in their family. Plus it’s all leaking out this week, despite Kris’ desire to keep it a secret until showtime to make the ratings as high as possible.)

No, it’s not Todd Waterman. And, no, it’s not OJ Simpson!

Meet Alex Roldan, Kris Jenner’s hairdresser. This is Khloe Kardashian’s biological father. He worked on a music video that Kris Kardashian did for her 30th birthday called “I Love My Friends”. Alex is now a hairdresser in West Hollywood. While Robert Kardashian was only 5’7″ tall, Alex is a much larger man, standing approximately six feet tall. BTW, Khloe’s middle name is Alexandra.

Here’s what chills me to the core of my dead stone heart: HOW LONG HAS KRIS JENNER BEEN PLANNING TO DO THIS TO KHLOE? Like, Kris Jenner tested Khloe’s maternity on an earlier episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, thereby planting a question about Khloe’s leery genes ages ago. Later, she copped on national TV to cheating on Robert Kardashian. She loves that we all suspect that Khloe was fathered by another man. She has been working her way down to some big “confession” one domino at a time.

How long has Kris been planning to profit from this manufactured family drama?

My guess? From the instant Khloe was conceived. Kris Jenner deliberately named her daughter for her real father, figuring at some point further down the road, somehow, some way, she could wring some dough out of her overwrought cinematic plotline. How very, very Anna Karenina. And damned if it won’t sell! We can’t wait to see Jenner squeeze some crocodile tears out of that frozen Botulism face we all helped buy.

And poor Khloe? She was born into this stupid drama; she was destined for it. She is just some supporting character in her mother’s awful story, a fleeting face in the “I Love My Friends” music video montage that is Kris Jenner’s entire vapid existence. Khloe never had a chance—her mother has been making sure of it.

(Images via Hollywoodite.)

Now this is the kind of story I wouldn’t poke with a ten-foot stick, ordinarily.

Paternity rumors always make me sad: there’s always one family member who seems a little different, a little “on the outside.” And as observers, we all catch ourselves trying to explain those telltale differences. Take Prince Harry, whose bad behavior and red hair make him a pretty obvious target for speculation.

Of course Khloe Kardashian is different from the other Kardashians—she’s the nice one, the funny one, the tall one, and the one with what sounds like a solid and authentic marriage—and what’s more, she was the daughter who loved father Robert Kardashian most of all. (I can’t mention enough that I’m adopted, you guys, and family is family is family. No, I am not saying Khloe is adopted.)

But this National Enquirer cover? It makes me laugh. It’s, like, “Bat Boy” silly.

The Daily Mail is weirdly stony-faced with their coverage, though:

Khloe Kardashian has been hit with wild claims that disgraced O.J. Simpson is her father.

It comes just weeks after two ex-wives of the late Robert Kardashian alleged the reality TV star wasn’t his biological daughter.

The 27-year-old is now forced to face a new devastating report suggesting that Robert’s former client and best friend O.J. is actually her real dad.

A source close to the Kardashians was quick to dismiss the allegations, telling MailOnline today: “This is ridiculous and laughable.”

Kris Jenner brushed off the allegations on her Twitter page posting: “Thanks for all your love and support today dolls! Wow some of the stories out there today are either fabricated, or SO 24 years ago!! LOVE U.”

American tabloid The National Enquirer today ran a story that claimed the jailed former sportsman told friends that Khloe was his.

“O.J. told me Khloe’s his child,” a source is quoted as telling the publication.

They allege that Khloe’s mother Kris Jenner had several trysts with O.J. around the time Khloe was conceived.

They also point out the similarities Khloe shares with O.J.’s 26-year-old daughter Sydney.

Does 27-year-old Khloe Kardashian look a little like 26-year-old Sydney Simpson? Ehhhh…. I feel like she kind of very doesn’t. Not that I am taking any of this seriously; I have my salt shaker right here.

Oh that Khloe. Now I have even more reason to like her – she’s almost not even a real Kardashian! I mean, we all pretty much knew that from the get-go, what with her vast appearance difference and her entire attitude. It’s her demeanor that probably should have tipped us off from the start, though. She’s never been a whiny, vapid little twit bent on alienating everyone in her path so she can fame-whore and pretend to be the victim all of the time. She’s relatively normal, all things considered.

Anyway. The dude in the picture is someone we’ve vaguely talked about before – this is Kris Jenner’s former hairdresser of the eighties, Alex Roldan. Sources say that he and Kris probably had an appropriately-eighties coke-soaked tryst one steamy evening and Khloe was the ultimate result. Funny thing? Khloe’s middle name is “Alexandra.” An homage to daddy, perhaps? It wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

Kris has never made it a secret that she’d cheated on Robert Kardashian before they divorced. Even Robert knew, according to his other wives. He allegedly claimed that he and Kris weren’t even sleeping together when Khloe was conceived, so hey. All the pieces might be falling into place on this one, huh?

And the physical similarities between these two! Damn! Need another side-by-side to convince you? Well OK.

Wonder what Alex the Hairdresser thinks about probably fathering one of the Kardashian girls. I mean, it’s all over his face.

Hers, too.