Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kevin Jonas

Kevin Jonas Is a Father Now

kevin jonas danielle jonas

Hey, look! There’s a new Jonas on the town. Kevin and Danielle Jonas have been expecting their first child for… well, I’d say it’s about nine months, because Danielle has had the baby and now Kevin is a father! Because nothing is sacred, the first pic of their daughter – Alana Rose Jonas is her name, by the way – was put online by the laundry brand Dreft and then retweeted by Kevin.

I’m not quite sure why in the world a laundry brand had the first pic of the Jonas baby, but whatever. Here she is:

Of course their two fans will want to know the updates, but do you really need to tweet while your wife is in labour?

Ugh. In any case, happy birthday, Alana Rose Jonas!

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Kevin and Danielle Jonas Are Having a Little Girl

kevin jonas danielle jonas

Kevin and Danielle Jonas – whose marriage exists solely for the purpose of… I don’t know, religion? An E! reality series? a case of extreme bearding? – announced last month that they’re expecting their first child together, which was slightly surprising but generally good news. Well, because so many people are so interested in this (uh… sure), they’ve now revealed that the small human growing in Danielle’s womb is a little girl.

Here’s what Kevin posted on Instagram:

I must say, that Paintshop addition of the pink hair bow is a lovely touch. But what if she’s a tomboy, Kevin? What if she doesn’t want your frilly pink headbands?!

Yeah,  I don’t know where I’m going with that, either. In all seriousness , congrats to the er… happy (?) couple. Babies are cute and squishy, so enjoy.

One of the Jonas Brothers Is Going To Be A Father

kevin jonas danielle jonas

Kevin Jonas - the least famous/least liked Jonas Brother – is married to a girl named Danielle and guess what: now they’re going to have a baby! Isn’t that grand? I actually don’t know much about these two other than that they have a reality show and that they’re apparently slightly crazy religious nutbags. But hey, that’s Hollywood for ya!

From E! News:

E! News confirms that Dani is pregnant with their first child.

“I was overjoyed,” Kevin revealed exclusively to E! News’ Giuliana Rancic via Skype upon learning about his wife’s pregnancy. “It’s been the most exciting thing in my life so far.”

He added, “I’m excited and I’m nervous.”

LOL @ “via Skype”. I make all my announcements via Skype, obvs. Also, I guess we can finally confirm that Kevin’s no longer a virgin and DEFINITELY totally 100% straight with zero gay in him whatsoever, not even a smidgen. As for Danielle, gotta give props to a girl’s gold digger game – she met him on holiday in the Bahamas in 2007 and managed to lock that down (not that I imagine there was much competition) by 2009. Get it, girl!

LOL! Is Kevin Jonas Still a Virgin?

Kevin Jonas and His Wife Don't Sleep Together

Oh wow! This is my favorite thing I’ve read all week! According to a source who spoke to InTouch Magazine, 22-year old JoBro Kevin and his wifey Danielle are still sleeping in separate beds. Yeah. No. That’s wont fuel any gay rumors at all, Kevin. Good people you have around you reporting that to magazines.

Apparently sexy stuff isn’t the issue, though. Kevin a saws logs all night long. You know, he “snores”:

From InTouch:

They’ve only been married for five months, but Kevin Jonas and his wife, Danielle Deleasa, are already sleeping in separate beds. According to a friend of the couple’s, when it comes to their sleeping arrangements, the honeymoon is over. But it’s not what you think — the problem is that Kevin, 22, snores like a freight train! “Kevin and Danielle had never spent a night together until their wedding night, so she had no clue that he snores so loudly,” the insider explains. “She loves her husband, but now she sleeps in a guest room when he gets too noisy.” “They are still crazy about each other,” says the pal. “But the snoring has become a big joke for their friends.”

Damn. I dated a snorer for two and a half years and while it’s definitely not cute, I only had to take to the couch twice because it was too much to bear. Why doesn’t Kevin sink some of his Jonas money into some snore strips so he can sleep next to his wife?

Joe Jonas Does it By Himself

joe jonas performs onstage

… And with his ever-present purity ring, would you expect it any other way?

Yeah. Anyway. Joe Jonas claims that he’s going to release a solo album, so it looks like the days of the JoBros are quickly coming to a close:

“There’s nothing to hide. We’re just waiting for the right timing. There’s a lot of Jonas stuff going on this year, so once there’s a place for that record, we’ll release it. You’ll hear a lot of new music from us.”

See, when I was a much younger girl, I loved Hanson. I mean, I fucking loved Hanson. I was one of those pathetic little fangirls that’d get all crazy when I saw televised appearances of the flaxen-haired singing trio and I’d cry if I’d see them in person (which I did, many, many times). I was sick; it was a sickness. I went to their concerts, made scrapbooks of news articles that I had clipped from magazines and played their music, like, incessantly. It was bad, and it’s embarrassing now, but I can really feel for the girls who are so wrapped on the Jonas thing — it’d be like Isaac (yeah, my totally favorite dorky-assed Hanson that I so would have married at the age of thirteen) announcing that he was leaving the band back in 1995 or whatever. I’d have been devastated, so I totally feel you kids of today’s world. I feel you.

Kevin and Nick Jonas Found a Body on The Beach

…while filming a scene for their television in Malibu! Uh! Got you guys! LOL! You really thought they found a dead body on the beach and I waited until roughly 2:30 in the afternoon to post about it? Please, homegirl has SOME journalistic integrity. I know that the JoBros fumbling around with a dead body on the beach would be a way bigger story than the Vicki Gunvalson adulterous make-out story. Jeez! Anyway! Check out these photos. Kevin looks like a dork.

Kevin Jonas is Married to a Nag

Things between Kevin Jonas and his new wife aren’t going so great. According to, Kev and his lady, Danielle Deleasa, spent Valentine’s Day fighting in the grocery store. Pretty typical stuff for young couples trying to figure it all out if you ask me, but on Valentine’s Day? Yeesh.

According to a source, Kevin and Danielle were at a Gelson’s market in Los Angeles when customers overheard Danielle berating Kevin for taking her grocery shopping on Valentine’s Day. Kevin reportedly looked quite uncomfortable as he stood there getting chewed out by his wife in front of random strangers.

I think we should cut the kids some slack. They’re young as hell and they’re newlyweds. If we learned anything from Nick and Jessica, it’s that that shit ain’t so easy. There is something that Danielle should consider, though. She doesn’t have the luxury of being just anyone’s frustrated young wife. She’s Kevin Jonas’ frustrated young wife. If the two of them fight in public, it’s getting reported to a tabloid. Perhaps this will be a lesson to Mrs. Jonas to keep her mouth shut until they’re behind closed doors.

P.S. Kevin Jonas is gay, right?