9LOL! Is Kevin Jonas Still a Virgin?

Oh wow! This is my favorite thing I’ve read all week! According to a source who spoke to InTouch Magazine, 22-year old JoBro Kevin and his wifey Danielle are still sleeping in separate beds. Yeah. No. That’s wont fuel any gay rumors at all, Kevin. Good people you have around you reporting that to magazines.

Apparently sexy stuff isn’t the issue, though. Kevin a saws logs all night long. You know, he “snores”:

From InTouch:

They’ve only been married for five months, but Kevin Jonas and his wife, Danielle Deleasa, are already sleeping in separate beds. According to a friend of the couple’s, when it comes to their sleeping arrangements, the honeymoon is over. But it’s not what you think — the problem is that Kevin, 22, snores like a freight train! “Kevin and Danielle had never spent a night together until their wedding night, so she had no clue that he snores so loudly,” the insider explains. “She loves her husband, but now she sleeps in a guest room when he gets too noisy.” “They are still crazy about each other,” says the pal. “But the snoring has become a big joke for their friends.”

Damn. I dated a snorer for two and a half years and while it’s definitely not cute, I only had to take to the couch twice because it was too much to bear. Why doesn’t Kevin sink some of his Jonas money into some snore strips so he can sleep next to his wife?

May 21, 2010 at 2:00 pm by Molls

5Joe Jonas Does it By Himself

… And with his ever-present purity ring, would you expect it any other way?

Yeah. Anyway. Joe Jonas claims that he’s going to release a solo album, so it looks like the days of the JoBros are quickly coming to a close:

“There’s nothing to hide. We’re just waiting for the right timing. There’s a lot of Jonas stuff going on this year, so once there’s a place for that record, we’ll release it. You’ll hear a lot of new music from us.”

See, when I was a much younger girl, I loved Hanson. I mean, I fucking loved Hanson. I was one of those pathetic little fangirls that’d get all crazy when I saw televised appearances of the flaxen-haired singing trio and I’d cry if I’d see them in person (which I did, many, many times). I was sick; it was a sickness. I went to their concerts, made scrapbooks of news articles that I had clipped from magazines and played their music, like, incessantly. It was bad, and it’s embarrassing now, but I can really feel for the girls who are so wrapped on the Jonas thing — it’d be like Isaac (yeah, my totally favorite dorky-assed Hanson that I so would have married at the age of thirteen) announcing that he was leaving the band back in 1995 or whatever. I’d have been devastated, so I totally feel you kids of today’s world. I feel you.

May 21, 2010 at 8:05 am by Sarah

26Kevin and Nick Jonas Found a Body on The Beach

…while filming a scene for their television in Malibu! Uh! Got you guys! LOL! You really thought they found a dead body on the beach and I waited until roughly 2:30 in the afternoon to post about it? Please, homegirl has SOME journalistic integrity. I know that the JoBros fumbling around with a dead body on the beach would be a way bigger story than the Vicki Gunvalson adulterous make-out story. Jeez! Anyway! Check out these photos. Kevin looks like a dork.

March 2, 2010 at 2:24 pm by Molls

28Kevin Jonas is Married to a Nag

Things between Kevin Jonas and his new wife aren’t going so great. According to DigitalSpy.com, Kev and his lady, Danielle Deleasa, spent Valentine’s Day fighting in the grocery store. Pretty typical stuff for young couples trying to figure it all out if you ask me, but on Valentine’s Day? Yeesh.

According to a source, Kevin and Danielle were at a Gelson’s market in Los Angeles when customers overheard Danielle berating Kevin for taking her grocery shopping on Valentine’s Day. Kevin reportedly looked quite uncomfortable as he stood there getting chewed out by his wife in front of random strangers.

I think we should cut the kids some slack. They’re young as hell and they’re newlyweds. If we learned anything from Nick and Jessica, it’s that that shit ain’t so easy. There is something that Danielle should consider, though. She doesn’t have the luxury of being just anyone’s frustrated young wife. She’s Kevin Jonas’ frustrated young wife. If the two of them fight in public, it’s getting reported to a tabloid. Perhaps this will be a lesson to Mrs. Jonas to keep her mouth shut until they’re behind closed doors.

P.S. Kevin Jonas is gay, right?

March 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm by Molls

12Kevin Jonas Probably “Did It” for the First Time Last Night

The Jonas Brothers are famous for wearing “promise rings” to symbolize the promise that they made to themselves/their parents/Jesus to remain virgins until marriage. Well, Kevin Jonas got married yesterday to long time girlfriend, Danielle Deleasa and upgraded that promise ring to a wedding ring. My money’s on the fact that he totally did it with his new wife last night, and it was possibly the first time ever. Damn. I don’t remember a rumored virgin getting married since Jessica Simpson or that freak Duggar kid. I can’t wait for all the awesome post-virginity losing interviews where everyone’s all “Soooooooo… how was it!?!?” and he answers all like, “It was incredible.” God, that’s so embarrassing. I can’t wait.

The wedding was obviously a huge fancy schmancy big deal. From E! Online:

The former hairdresser from New Jersey donned a Vera Wang gown and clutched an impressive bouquet by Pedestal Florists as she walked down the aisle at the French château-themed space.

…

The chef for the big occassion tells E! News he prepared quite the feast for the 400 guests.

“We’re having vegetarian options in addition to the main course,” he says. “There will be stir-fried Asian vegetables, Italian rice, risotto, pasta and a full vegetarian station.”

E! Also points out that Kevin’s ex-lady friend Demi Lovato showed up to watch her former man exchange vows. Brave! I’ve always liked that Demi Lovato. Other VIPs at the event have not been announced yet, but I’m sure the other JoBro cast-offs, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, were not as gracious as Demi.

December 20, 2009 at 11:55 am by Molls

31The Jonas Brother You Don’t Care About Is Engaged

Don’t worry, guys. Nick hasn’t proposed to Miley. Joe “Type 1″ Jonas hasn’t gone running back to Taylor Swift begging for forgiveness (as he ought to). No, it’s the other Jonas, the one who’s always half-hidden in photo shoots and videos, like a boy-band Carnie Wilson. I believe his name is Kevin, although it may be Mike. Or Steve. Or Dale. Not sure.

Anyway, The Other Jonas proposed to his girlfriend of two years this morning at her New Jersey home with a ring he’d “codesigned” with Jacob & Co. How does one “codesign” a ring? Like, “Yes. It should have a diamond. You can quote me on that.”

He took a red-eye to Jersey after his show in Vancouver last night. “It was tough performing last night,” he said, “knowing that I was going to ask the biggest question in my life to the most amazing girl in the world.”

The couple met in May 2007 while their families were vacationing in the Bahamas. The bride-to-be, Danielle Deleasa, claims she had no idea who Kevin was when she met him. OK then. That’s my plan. When I “run into” Adrian Grenier while “on vacation” with my “family,” I’m going to be all like, “Oh hi there. Who are you? I’ve never seen anyone who looks remotely like you ever in my life, and certainly not on TV. Wanna buy me a drink?”

July 1, 2009 at 8:41 pm by Evil Beet