Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are the most adorable couple ever. I’ve basically convinced myself that Kelly Ripa is my big sister and that my mother is going to approach me eventually and let me know about the child she put up for adoption when she was 16 who now happens to be Kelly Ripa. I idolize her. Like, you know how old people are about Kathie Lee? I’m like that with Kelly Ripa.
Anyway, she’s adorable and hilarious and gorgeous and famous and a mother and a wife and her life is perfect and she and her husband did some art gallery opening thing this weekend and one day I will have a perfect life just like her.
That’s a weird math equation. Clay wouldn’t do either Ripa or Rosie, Rosie would probably put the hammer down on Ripa, but I’m guessing Ripa would pass on Mr. “McUseMyHandsBecauseICan’tThink” (that may be the longest McFakeLastName joke ever, EvilB let’s put an intern on researching that).
Anyway, the news from The View is that everything is fine and could we please move on to talking about Babwa Wa-Wa’s wisp again?
“This is what I want to say. Rosie O’Donnell is one of the kindest, most sensitive people I know. And so is our friend Kelly Ripa. And Rosie and Kelly talked yesterday after the show. Rosie and Clay Aiken have talked. And all is well with the world, and all is well with them. So let’s move on.”
Hmm. Rosie may indeed be kind, in fact I fondly I remember that one day she brought me lunch without my even asking, but I’d take a bit of umbrage at that “sensitive” label. Unless sensitive means butting your nose into other people’s affairs and then totally screwing someone over whom you’re professing to defend. Then, by all means, she’s as sensitive as all get-out.
Check out the footage. Says Rosie: “If that was a straight man, if that was a cute man, if that was a guy that she didn’t question his sexuality, she would have said a different thing. To me that’s a homophobic remark.” (This is based on Ripa telling Aiken that she didn’t know where his hands had been — after he suddenly put his hand on her mouth). See, I agree with Rosie about the cute man part — Brad Pitt can put his hands inside my mouth, or really wherever he wants, no need to ask permission — but anyone else — gay, straight or Clay Aiken — is going to take some heat from me if they stick their hand on my mouth. Ripa phones in to say just that.
Many are saying that Rosie — intentionally or unintentionally — “lanced” Clay Aiken (meaning she outed him — the term comes from Lance Bass being outed by comments his boyfriend made). I mean, I think we’re all aware that Aiken’s gay, but he seems dead set on staying in the closet, and if anyone crossed the line o’ respect in all this, I think it was Rosie.