Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kellie PIckler

Poor Kelly Pickler

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It’s hard not to feel bad for Kelly Pickler. She used to be a naive, but lovable, little trailer park gal. Now she’s been handled and rebreasted. Sadly, her daddy hasn’t caught up with the vibe and remains true to his roots:

ALBEMARLE, N.C. (AP) — The father of former American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler has been arrested again, accused this time of stealing older abandoned and disabled vehicles and illegally selling them to scrap yards.

Wow. You have to admit that’s a pretty crappy thing to get arrested for. If Pickler’s poppa had gone down for meth at least there would have been some honor there. But stealing abandoned vehicles, presumably from the neighbors concrete blocks in the front yard, is sad times.

Authorities have charged Clyde Pickler, 42, who finished a three-year prison term in Florida last year for stabbing a man, with three felony counts of larceny of a motor vehicle and one felony count of obtaining property under false pretense, according to court records.

Oh, wait, he stabbed a dude and was in the joint for that? Hmmm… I may have to rethink this one. Okay, here we go, Pickler’s dad is still doing crime (and will do the time) but at least he’s transitioned to non-violent offenses. So it looks like Pickler’s star is on the rise!

Kellie Pickler Should Get Her Boobs Done … Er … Again

At the CMT awards in Nashville today.

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They’re kind of lopsided, my darling. And what have you done with your hair? Is that how people do their hair for prom in Albermarle? Because you haven’t lived there in a really long time, sweetheart, and this ain’t prom.

Carrie Underwood looks precious. A newly single Bucky Covington made an appearance, as did Taylor Swift, looking killer in a super-cute dress.

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Picking up the Pieces

Oh hells no! Britney removes K-Fed from her top 12 on MySpace. That’s what you get for writing mean things about her on shower walls, Kevin. [Faded Youth]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are turned away from the London world premiere of Casino Royale, after someone very wise determined that perhaps Queen Elizabeth should not share a red carpet with a world-renowned cokehead. [Agent Bedhead]

Madonna confirms that she plans to adopt a baby girl from Malawi, in order to “redress the balance” in her family. Madonna says things like “redress” because she’s British. Oh wait. [Dirty Laundry]

Donald Trump is going to be a grandpa. Sadly, it’s not because Lance Armstrong knocked up Ivanka. [The Bosh]

Madame Tussaud’s unveils the new Ashlee Simpson wax likeness. What’s that? Oh, I’m told that’s actually Ashlee Simpson. [Celebrity Smack]

Okay, so, in college, some friends and I determined that Sexual Misadventures with Kimmy Gibbler would be, hands-down, the best band name ever. My reasons for mentioning this now are twofold. First, it’s still true, and someone should get on that. Second, Bob Saget actually makes reference to sex with Kimmy Gibbler in this clip of his stand-up, where he sings “Danny Tanner Is Not Gay” to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.” [BWE]

Are you ready to masturbate to sneakers? Reebok sure hopes so. They’ve hired Scarlett to co-create a line of footwear and apparel and star in the ad campaign. [IDLYITW]

Finally! It’s time for the Reese Witherspoon love interest rumors! Up first: Jake Gyllenhaal. [Hollywood Grind]

Kellie Pickler on Childhood Abuse

The AmIdol standout, whose album is at #1 on the country charts, and who may have her own sitcom soon, reveals to Us Weekly that she suffered childhood physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her mother.

“I remember my mother and I were in the kitchen and I said, ‘I wish God would take me away, I’d much rather be dead than live here with you.’ She took a knife out, set it on the counter and said, ‘Here, do it then.’ I was in fourth grade. Of course I never would have acted upon it, but it’s done a lot of emotional scarring.”

So come on, Kat McPhee, let’s hear about that fucking eating disorder one more time. I dare ya.