Oh man, can you think of how many cases out and out this phrase could apply to John Travolta‘s masseurs?
Anyway, TMZ has exclusive inside information (and I just cannot wait to see what else comes out of this divorce) that one of the biggest catalysts in Katie Holmes’ and Tom Cruise’s divorce was—DUN DUN DUN—the Church of Scientology. From TMZ:
Katie Holmes filed for divorce primarily over Tom Cruise’s fierce ties to Scientology, fearing that Tom would drag Suri deep into the church … sources connected with the couple tell TMZ.
Our sources say … Katie has never been fully committed to Scientology, even though she has had ties with the church. We’re told the couple had been arguing over Suri — that she’s now of the age where Scientology becomes a significant part of her life.
Sources familiar with the split tell us Katie is filing for sole legal custody — as we first reported — specifically because she does not want Tom to control decisions relating to religion.
Sources have told us that the divorce is NOT about money — we’re told Katie doesn’t need Tom’s money … because she has plenty of it … and will be well taken care of under the terms of the prenup.
TMZ also posted footage of Tom defending the Church to the death back in 2008. And a lot of general ranting about mind control and ESP and saving people’s lives from accident scenes. It’s pretty wacked, guys. You’ve seriously got to see this:
So yeah. No. I definitely wouldn’t want a child growing up exposed to this, because damn. This shit itself and how enveloped this nut is with it is just f-cking insane. Too bad Tom couldn’t “create new and better realities and improve” his own conditions. Then maybe his wife wouldn’t be running for the hills with their daughter in her arms.
June 29, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Katie Holmes is the one who filed for divorce and Tom Cruise was “blindsided” by Katie’s legal move … TMZ has learned.
We know Katie filed the divorce docs in New York on June 28, citing “irreconcilable differences.” She is asking for sole legal custody and “primary residential custody” of the couple’s 6-year-old daughter, Suri.
We also know Katie is asking for a “suitable amount” of child support.
Katie also asks for a division of property in her divorce docs, although we know there was a significant prenup that is based on California law. Katie makes no mention of the prenup in her filing.
We’re told Tom “did not see this coming.” We’re told there is some “nastiness” here, evidenced by Katie’s move to get sole legal custody.
Katie’s divorce petition was filed anonymously, without names.
Story developing! Holy f-ck! YES! Did I call that blind item OR WHAT?!
Update: Ugh, of course Tom Cruise is already making statements. This is what Tom and his camp had to say:
“Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children. Please allow them their privacy.”
Sad or not sad, this guy’s a total fruitbat. Also, of course the statement reads ‘Kate’ instead of ‘Katie’. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
TEAM KATIE! (God, I never thought I’d be able to say that ever.)
Update: To show how floored Tom probably is, “his” last Tweet came through two hours ago, asking followers how he should spend his 50th birthday, which is next week on July 3rd. Best answer I could come up with? ALONE. Mwahahaha.
June 29, 2012 at 11:19 am by Sarah
This actress – who worked much more several years ago than she does now – has found the perfect way to annoy her controlling husband. He always insisted that she not step foot out of the house unless she was looking her best (full hair, makeup, clothes) because she was a “reflection of his image”.
But now that they have quietly separated, she consistently walks out of the house in casual clothes and messy hair and no makeup (even when her destination isn’t the gym). Of course, the paparazzi are there, just waiting to snap her photo. Her publicist called and said, “Do you realize how much you’re p*ssing him off when you do that?” She replied, “Absolutely!” and giggled. Sounds like it’s just her little way of reclaiming her life.
So! Now it all makes sense, I guess. I said back then it was Katie Holmes, and now, after seeing these pictures of Katie and Suri hanging out in … some … some pond in Connecticut, while still wearing all of their clothes, well. I think that kind of speaks volumes to the recent blind item, now, don’t you? Because if Katie and Tom were still together and these photos emerged, we wouldn’t have even seen them. Tom probably would have been lurking somewhere in the shadows of a sycamore tree, getting ready to pounce the photographer who happened to catch these shots. And then he would have kissed him and then destroyed all evidence. Of both.
May 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
… Williams was willing to commit more fully to our questions about a possible Dawson’s Creek reunion — or, at least, she was open to the idea, once we asked her about Don’t Trust The B– In Apartment 23 and told her that James Van Der Beek was willing. “He has my e-mail!” she responded, laughing. “He has my home phone, and my cell phone, so we talk … ” And that means she’d do the show, if he called? “He could totally ask! I’ve always said, I’m totally up for reunion tours, reunion shows, so we can do that. I’ve always wanted, my best friend [Busy Philipps] is on Cougar Town, and we’ve always talked about wanting to go be on that show, too. It’s just timing, because of L.A. and New York, and it hasn’t happened.” Your move, Van Der Beek!
Wow! Wouldn’t this be awesome if it happened?
This’ll be the biggest thing that’s happened to James Van Der Beek since … since … since, I don’t know, that movie he did for SyFy, The Storm! Which I, incidentally, watched this past week, because I went DV-R crazy with crappy made-for-TV disaster movies because I love them!
This’ll be the best thing that’s happened to Katie Holmes since she found out that her husband Tom Cruise is actually a robot created by the Church of Scientology, and because he’s some kind of weird droid, in legal terms, this means her marriage is not legally binding! … Wait, you mean that didn’t happen yet? OK, sorry—jumping the gun a little bit here, but it’s just all the excitement, I swear.
Would you guys totally love a DC reunion or what?
April 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Wanna know why? Because Katie Holmes doesn’t have a newborn child who’s up all hours of the night to take care of. No, she doesn’t have any major motion picture projects going on, either, that might draw her out and sap the energy out of her. That’s why I’m banking on the fact that Suri Cruise is a vampire, and she’s slowly sucking the life out of her mother, Katie Holmes. It explains a lot. The penis gummies. The myriad faces that a child shouldn’t even be able to make. She’s supernatural. And she’s hungry. And she was possessed, too! Have we forgotten that so soon? Just LOOK at the circles underneath Katie’s eyes. If that’s not the victim of a vampire right there, folks, just wasting away before our very eyes, I don’t know what to tell you. You need to watch some more movies about creatures of the night, because you’re totally overlooking the obvious.
Because there’s positively no way that Tom Cruise would have anything to do with this. He’s not keeping her locked up four out of seven days, wired to weird machines that conduct odd Scientology-related tests on Katie, because that’s just not Tom’s style, no. Tom would rather let his daughter take the rap for sucking the ever-loving life out of the woman who brought her into this world, because it keeps him in the clear. It allows him to deviously plan out how to clone Katie and how to turn the world’s population into pod people who bear a striking resemblance to his dear wife.
Nope. I see right through it, guys. I get what’s going on here, and it’s just. not. nice.
Oh, and if you don’t want to partake in any of my delusions, Katie just looks like crap, alright? She looks like crap and that fedora is a nightmare. That simple and cut-and-dry for all of the rest of you? Yes, but not nearly as fun? Yeah. Thought not.
March 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
“What?!” you’re probably thinking. “Oh no he didn’t!” And if you thought that, you’re absolutely right. Nope, Kate-girl absolutely had to pose with something covering her tits. Something aside from, and in addition to, her hands. Also, the shoot had to do with something other than hot, throbbing sexuality – it couldn’t be just for fun, no. The photos were taken because Katie was asked to be the new face of H. Stern’s latest jewelry line.
So isn’t that nice of Tom? I mean, look at the faces he allowed her to make! She’s positively ALLURING! She’s making me think thoughts that no one should ever be allowed to think about Katie Holmes! I mean, didn’t he consider what people were going to say about Katie when they saw these adverts, or is he letting her live on the wild side for a few weeks while he’s caught up in the frenzied success of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and all of its madness? I mean, honestly! What’ll happen to Katie when Tom finally realizes the gravity of what he’s done? Will she be banished back to drab colors and no makeup and lank hair? Condemned to carrying Suri around New York City even though she’s, like, fourteen now or something, indulging the kid’s every whim for phallic candies?
I’m actually frightened by considering the other options. I mean, would he actually – I don’t know – force her to wear frumpy, shapeless clothes for the rest of her life – or until Xenu calls the couple home to do their podding?
See, this happens every time, guys. I start trying to fathom the many intricate cogs and gears of Tom Cruise’s mind and I get myself all worked up in a tizzy. All I know is that Katie Holmes is absolutely gorgeous in these photos, and if any of you think that Tom allowed that to happen by accident, you’re crazy.
I just dread seeing the fallout, you know?