… Williams was willing to commit more fully to our questions about a possible Dawson’s Creek reunion — or, at least, she was open to the idea, once we asked her about Don’t Trust The B– In Apartment 23 and told her that James Van Der Beek was willing. “He has my e-mail!” she responded, laughing. “He has my home phone, and my cell phone, so we talk … ” And that means she’d do the show, if he called? “He could totally ask! I’ve always said, I’m totally up for reunion tours, reunion shows, so we can do that. I’ve always wanted, my best friend [Busy Philipps] is on Cougar Town, and we’ve always talked about wanting to go be on that show, too. It’s just timing, because of L.A. and New York, and it hasn’t happened.” Your move, Van Der Beek!
Wow! Wouldn’t this be awesome if it happened?
This’ll be the biggest thing that’s happened to James Van Der Beek since … since … since, I don’t know, that movie he did for SyFy, The Storm! Which I, incidentally, watched this past week, because I went DV-R crazy with crappy made-for-TV disaster movies because I love them!
This’ll be the best thing that’s happened to Katie Holmes since she found out that her husband Tom Cruise is actually a robot created by the Church of Scientology, and because he’s some kind of weird droid, in legal terms, this means her marriage is not legally binding! … Wait, you mean that didn’t happen yet? OK, sorry—jumping the gun a little bit here, but it’s just all the excitement, I swear.
Would you guys totally love a DC reunion or what?
April 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Wanna know why? Because Katie Holmes doesn’t have a newborn child who’s up all hours of the night to take care of. No, she doesn’t have any major motion picture projects going on, either, that might draw her out and sap the energy out of her. That’s why I’m banking on the fact that Suri Cruise is a vampire, and she’s slowly sucking the life out of her mother, Katie Holmes. It explains a lot. The penis gummies. The myriad faces that a child shouldn’t even be able to make. She’s supernatural. And she’s hungry. And she was possessed, too! Have we forgotten that so soon? Just LOOK at the circles underneath Katie’s eyes. If that’s not the victim of a vampire right there, folks, just wasting away before our very eyes, I don’t know what to tell you. You need to watch some more movies about creatures of the night, because you’re totally overlooking the obvious.
Because there’s positively no way that Tom Cruise would have anything to do with this. He’s not keeping her locked up four out of seven days, wired to weird machines that conduct odd Scientology-related tests on Katie, because that’s just not Tom’s style, no. Tom would rather let his daughter take the rap for sucking the ever-loving life out of the woman who brought her into this world, because it keeps him in the clear. It allows him to deviously plan out how to clone Katie and how to turn the world’s population into pod people who bear a striking resemblance to his dear wife.
Nope. I see right through it, guys. I get what’s going on here, and it’s just. not. nice.
Oh, and if you don’t want to partake in any of my delusions, Katie just looks like crap, alright? She looks like crap and that fedora is a nightmare. That simple and cut-and-dry for all of the rest of you? Yes, but not nearly as fun? Yeah. Thought not.
March 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
“What?!” you’re probably thinking. “Oh no he didn’t!” And if you thought that, you’re absolutely right. Nope, Kate-girl absolutely had to pose with something covering her tits. Something aside from, and in addition to, her hands. Also, the shoot had to do with something other than hot, throbbing sexuality – it couldn’t be just for fun, no. The photos were taken because Katie was asked to be the new face of H. Stern’s latest jewelry line.
So isn’t that nice of Tom? I mean, look at the faces he allowed her to make! She’s positively ALLURING! She’s making me think thoughts that no one should ever be allowed to think about Katie Holmes! I mean, didn’t he consider what people were going to say about Katie when they saw these adverts, or is he letting her live on the wild side for a few weeks while he’s caught up in the frenzied success of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and all of its madness? I mean, honestly! What’ll happen to Katie when Tom finally realizes the gravity of what he’s done? Will she be banished back to drab colors and no makeup and lank hair? Condemned to carrying Suri around New York City even though she’s, like, fourteen now or something, indulging the kid’s every whim for phallic candies?
I’m actually frightened by considering the other options. I mean, would he actually – I don’t know – force her to wear frumpy, shapeless clothes for the rest of her life – or until Xenu calls the couple home to do their podding?
See, this happens every time, guys. I start trying to fathom the many intricate cogs and gears of Tom Cruise’s mind and I get myself all worked up in a tizzy. All I know is that Katie Holmes is absolutely gorgeous in these photos, and if any of you think that Tom allowed that to happen by accident, you’re crazy.
I just dread seeing the fallout, you know?
January 10, 2012 at 4:30 am by Sarah
Yesterday was Katie Holmes‘ birthday, so Tom took the family out to dinner to celebrate. That’s sweet, isn’t it? I thought that for about two seconds, and then I started wondering about what Katie is wearing.
See, I’ve read Evil Beet for a long, long time before I actually started working here. And for those of you who have also been here a long time, you probably remember the Katie Holmes Jean Watch. It was a period in 2008 in which Katie Holmes insisted on wearing silly pants, and it alerted me to her occasional lack of fashion sense. Since then, especially since I started this job, I’ve kept a close eye on Katie and her clothes. And that’s how we are here today.
Do you guys like Katie’s outfit? Because I can’t decide. The shoes are cute, but jumpsuits make me anxious. I need some help with this one, friends.
December 19, 2011 at 7:30 am by Emily
“We literally bumped into that top Scientologist Katie Holmes on the way into the studio. We came out of the lift and BANG, there she was.Now at this point my mate, and friend of the stars, Scully was doing a bit of filming for my website and managed to capture the moment. [Holmes] looked a bit miffed at the various North-West accents and some vigorous handshaking. … [But] There was no need to send one of her people over to demand the video be deleted!!!! Unf***in’-believable. We didn’t let [Holmes] spoil the day though. And what a day. Loved it.”
Oasis’s Noel Gallagher on meeting Katie Holmes for the first time, which he claims to have actually been sort of excited about prior to their actual meeting. Too bad Katie’s apparently a super-bitch ice queen who thinks she’s hot shit because she came in 3rd or 4th yet won the Tom Cruise Looks for an All-American Girl contest.
Gah, people like that, you know?
November 16, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah
During the month of October, I kind of got obsessed with scary movies. We were buying a few DVDs a week, going to the awesome second-run movie theater in the next town over, and borrowing whatever we could from friends. It was kind of a problem, but like a really really fun problem that you don’t realize is a problem until you wake up a few nights in a row from awful nightmares about old lady vampires and zombie children on a school bus. Since then, I’ve moved on to documentaries about animals, but the terror still lingers in my mind.
So maybe I’m letting that affect how I’m viewing this picture of Katie Holmes and little Suri. Maybe in reality, this is a picture of an adorable little girl and her doting mother, and I have no reason to be afraid. Or maybe I’m onto something …