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Katie Holmes

18BREAKING!!!! KATIE HOLMES FILES FOR DIVORCE!

photo of tom cruise and katie holmes divorce pics
From TMZ:

Katie Holmes is the one who filed for divorce and Tom Cruise was “blindsided” by Katie’s legal move … TMZ has learned.

We know Katie filed the divorce docs in New York on June 28, citing “irreconcilable differences.” She is asking for sole legal custody and “primary residential custody” of the couple’s 6-year-old daughter, Suri.

We also know Katie is asking for a “suitable amount” of child support.

Katie also asks for a division of property in her divorce docs, although we know there was a significant prenup that is based on California law. Katie makes no mention of the prenup in her filing.

We’re told Tom “did not see this coming.” We’re told there is some “nastiness” here, evidenced by Katie’s move to get sole legal custody.

Katie’s divorce petition was filed anonymously, without names.

Story developing! Holy f-ck! YES! Did I call that blind item OR WHAT?!

Update: Ugh, of course Tom Cruise is already making statements. This is what Tom and his camp had to say:

“Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children. Please allow them their privacy.”

Sad or not sad, this guy’s a total fruitbat. Also, of course the statement reads ‘Kate’ instead of ‘Katie’. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

TEAM KATIE! (God, I never thought I’d be able to say that ever.)

Update: To show how floored Tom probably is, “his” last Tweet came through two hours ago, asking followers how he should spend his 50th birthday, which is next week on July 3rd. Best answer I could come up with? ALONE. Mwahahaha.

June 29, 2012 at 11:19 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise

1Blind Items Revealed: Let’s Talk Katie Holmes For a Minute

photo of katie holmes and suri cruise in a pond pictures
Remember this?:

This actress – who worked much more several years ago than she does now – has found the perfect way to annoy her controlling husband. He always insisted that she not step foot out of the house unless she was looking her best (full hair, makeup, clothes) because she was a “reflection of his image”.

But now that they have quietly separated, she consistently walks out of the house in casual clothes and messy hair and no makeup (even when her destination isn’t the gym). Of course, the paparazzi are there, just waiting to snap her photo. Her publicist called and said, “Do you realize how much you’re p*ssing him off when you do that?” She replied, “Absolutely!” and giggled. Sounds like it’s just her little way of reclaiming her life.

So! Now it all makes sense, I guess. I said back then it was Katie Holmes, and now, after seeing these pictures of Katie and Suri hanging out in … some … some pond in Connecticut, while still wearing all of their clothes, well. I think that kind of speaks volumes to the recent blind item, now, don’t you? Because if Katie and Tom were still together and these photos emerged, we wouldn’t have even seen them. Tom probably would have been lurking somewhere in the shadows of a sycamore tree, getting ready to pounce the photographer who happened to catch these shots. And then he would have kissed him and then destroyed all evidence. Of both.

TEAM KATIE!

May 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise

6Wait … Is There Going to be a Dawson’s Creek Reunion?

photo of dawson's creek cast pics
From Vulture:

… Williams was willing to commit more fully to our questions about a possible Dawson’s Creek reunion — or, at least, she was open to the idea, once we asked her about Don’t Trust The B– In Apartment 23 and told her that James Van Der Beek was willing. “He has my e-mail!” she responded, laughing. “He has my home phone, and my cell phone, so we talk … ” And that means she’d do the show, if he called? “He could totally ask! I’ve always said, I’m totally up for reunion tours, reunion shows, so we can do that. I’ve always wanted, my best friend [Busy Philipps] is on Cougar Town, and we’ve always talked about wanting to go be on that show, too. It’s just timing, because of L.A. and New York, and it hasn’t happened.” Your move, Van Der Beek!

Wow! Wouldn’t this be awesome if it happened?

This’ll be the biggest thing that’s happened to James Van Der Beek since … since … since, I don’t know, that movie he did for SyFy, The Storm! Which I, incidentally, watched this past week, because I went DV-R crazy with crappy made-for-TV disaster movies because I love them!

This’ll be the biggest thing since for Joshua Jackson since Diane Kruger took pity on his ugly ass and decided that she wanted to bone him for an extended period of time!

This’ll be the best thing that’s happened to Katie Holmes since she found out that her husband Tom Cruise is actually a robot created by the Church of Scientology, and because he’s some kind of weird droid, in legal terms, this means her marriage is not legally binding! … Wait, you mean that didn’t happen yet? OK, sorry—jumping the gun a little bit here, but it’s just all the excitement, I swear.

Would you guys totally love a DC reunion or what?

April 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

3Love It or Leave It: Suri Cruise is a Vampire

photo of katie holmes pictures 2012 pics sick photo
Wanna know why? Because Katie Holmes doesn’t have a newborn child who’s up all hours of the night to take care of. No, she doesn’t have any major motion picture projects going on, either, that might draw her out and sap the energy out of her. That’s why I’m banking on the fact that Suri Cruise is a vampire, and she’s slowly sucking the life out of her mother, Katie Holmes. It explains a lot. The penis gummies. The myriad faces that a child shouldn’t even be able to make. She’s supernatural. And she’s hungry. And she was possessed, too! Have we forgotten that so soon? Just LOOK at the circles underneath Katie’s eyes. If that’s not the victim of a vampire right there, folks, just wasting away before our very eyes, I don’t know what to tell you. You need to watch some more movies about creatures of the night, because you’re totally overlooking the obvious.

Because there’s positively no way that Tom Cruise would have anything to do with this. He’s not keeping her locked up four out of seven days, wired to weird machines that conduct odd Scientology-related tests on Katie, because that’s just not Tom’s style, no. Tom would rather let his daughter take the rap for sucking the ever-loving life out of the woman who brought her into this world, because it keeps him in the clear. It allows him to deviously plan out how to clone Katie and how to turn the world’s population into pod people who bear a striking resemblance to his dear wife.

Nope. I see right through it, guys. I get what’s going on here, and it’s just. not. nice.

Oh, and if you don’t want to partake in any of my delusions, Katie just looks like crap, alright? She looks like crap and that fedora is a nightmare. That simple and cut-and-dry for all of the rest of you? Yes, but not nearly as fun? Yeah. Thought not.

March 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

13Tom Cruise Let Katie Holmes Pose Topless!

photo of hot topless katie holmes for jewelry line photos pics
“What?!” you’re probably thinking. “Oh no he didn’t!” And if you thought that, you’re absolutely right. Nope, Kate-girl absolutely had to pose with something covering her tits. Something aside from, and in addition to, her hands. Also, the shoot had to do with something other than hot, throbbing sexuality – it couldn’t be just for fun, no. The photos were taken because Katie was asked to be the new face of H. Stern’s latest jewelry line.

So isn’t that nice of Tom? I mean, look at the faces he allowed her to make! She’s positively ALLURING! She’s making me think thoughts that no one should ever be allowed to think about Katie Holmes! I mean, didn’t he consider what people were going to say about Katie when they saw these adverts, or is he letting her live on the wild side for a few weeks while he’s caught up in the frenzied success of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and all of its madness? I mean, honestly! What’ll happen to Katie when Tom finally realizes the gravity of what he’s done? Will she be banished back to drab colors and no makeup and lank hair? Condemned to carrying Suri around New York City even though she’s, like, fourteen now or something, indulging the kid’s every whim for phallic candies?

I’m actually frightened by considering the other options. I mean, would he actually – I don’t know – force her to wear frumpy, shapeless clothes for the rest of her life – or until Xenu calls the couple home to do their podding?

See, this happens every time, guys. I start trying to fathom the many intricate cogs and gears of Tom Cruise’s mind and I get myself all worked up in a tizzy. All I know is that Katie Holmes is absolutely gorgeous in these photos, and if any of you think that Tom allowed that to happen by accident, you’re crazy.

I just dread seeing the fallout, you know?

January 10, 2012 at 4:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Katie Holmes

2Love It or Leave It: Katie Holmes Is A Fashion Mystery

A photo of Katie Holmes

Yesterday was Katie Holmes‘ birthday, so Tom took the family out to dinner to celebrate. That’s sweet, isn’t it? I thought that for about two seconds, and then I started wondering about what Katie is wearing.

See, I’ve read Evil Beet for a long, long time before I actually started working here. And for those of you who have also been here a long time, you probably remember the Katie Holmes Jean Watch. It was a period in 2008 in which Katie Holmes insisted on wearing silly pants, and it alerted me to her occasional lack of fashion sense. Since then, especially since I started this job, I’ve kept a close eye on Katie and her clothes. And that’s how we are here today.

Do you guys like Katie’s outfit? Because I can’t decide. The shoes are cute, but jumpsuits make me anxious. I need some help with this one, friends.

December 19, 2011 at 7:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Katie Holmes