39Did Anyone Catch Paris Hilton on Kathy Griffin’s Show Last Night?

First off, if you’re not watching My Life on the D-List, you’re missing out on one of the best shows on TV. Kathy Griffin is a comedic genius, just hands-down hilarious. In last night’s episode, she was trying to expand her fan base by getting in with “young Hollywood,” and, to do that, she went shopping with Paris Hilton.

This was all going reasonably well, with Paris being no more obnoxious than the absolute minimum we can expect from her (“Sorry, I just like to pose while I stand”), when Paris decides, with no leading on the part of Kathy, to weigh in on the very pressing issue of blow jobs: “I never do that. My mom always taught me, ‘Only ugly girls need to go down on their knees and do things like that.’” Ummmmm, really, Paris? (In case you couldn’t guess, that link is NSFW.)

Later in the show, Kathy asks how tall she is, and she says she’s 5’8″. I know that’s the standard party line for Paris’s height, but I’ve seen the girl in person without heels, and I have a really hard time believing she’s taller than I am (I’m 5’7″ … for reals). In fact, I have a hard time believing she’s taller than about 5’5″. I’ve stood next to Nicky on more than one occasion, and that girl’s exactly five feet tall, on a good day. If you look at pictures of Paris and Nicky next to each other, without shoes on, like this one, it’s pretty hard to believe that she’s that much taller than her sister.

And it brings us back to the time she told Larry King she’d never ever ever done drugs in her life, despite the countless leaked photos of her doing drugs. Why does this girl insist on publicly lying about things that can be easily proven to be lies? What sort of bizarre, narcissistic world does she live in where she can just say whatever and assume the whole world will believe it to be true despite tremendous evidence to the contrary? It is so annoying. Equally as annoying as the assumption that oral sex is for ugly people. Maybe, just maybe, it’s for people who actually care about finding multiple ways to pleasure their partner, because they have some sort of awareness that other people exist and have value. BUT YOU WOULDN’T KNOW ABOUT THAT, WOULD YOU, PARIS?

June 30, 2009 at 12:02 am by Evil Beet

16Fun with Eminem: “We Made You”

Here’s the latest video from Eminem, for his new single titled “We Made You.”

It occurred to me as I was watching this that Eminem is basically the rapper version of Kathy Griffin. Like, while all the other rappers are talking about fighting with the cops and makin’ it in the ‘hood and gettin’ shot down, Eminem’s all like, “Okay, okay, okay. So this Lindsay Lohan. She’s lost a lot of weight. Due to diet and Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.” I mean, really, this is just Kathy Griffin’s schtick if you made it rhyme.

I am told by a reader that the man who plays Britney Spears in this video is the same dude who did an impersonation of her on America’s Got Talent last year. I wouldn’t even want to begin the process of confirming that, so I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader.

Just for fun, I embedded below a clip of Kathy Griffin doing standup about Lindsay Lohan awhile back. Last week, however, the comedienne said she was likely to take Lindsay jokes out of her routine. “I’m more likely to make fun of Lindsay Lohan a year ago,” she says. “She was clubbing every night with the girlfriend and, like, DJing — but now it seems like she’s in the throes of real trouble … It feels like kicking her when she’s down. Believe it or not, I might kind of take her out for the time being. That’s a little hard to find the comedy in.”

Thanks Tako!

April 17, 2009 at 12:01 am by Evil Beet

26Kathy Griffin Memoir Rights Sell for $2M

NOT TOO SHABBY, Miz Griffin.

Word on the street is that the rights to a memoir Kathy Griffin is writing sold at auction last week to an editor at Random House’s Ballantine imprint for more than $2 million.

That is NOT a D-list figure, dear.

I’m actually very curious to read this book. It would be cool to get a sense of what Kathy’s early life was like, and how she wound up being such a hilarious woman. That kind of funny is never the result of a happy, drama-free childhood.

Would you guys buy the Kathy Griffin memoir?

February 24, 2009 at 1:40 pm by Evil Beet

13We’re Still on the Air, Kathy

Stay tuned until the very end.

Thanks Matthew!

January 1, 2009 at 9:42 am by Evil Beet

26Congrats to Kathy Griffin!

The funny lady has moved one step closer to her goal of winning a Grammy, as her comedy album, For Your Consideration, was nominated for Best Comedy Album at the Grammy nomination ceremony tonight. CONGRATS KATHY!!! You deserve it!!!

Somehow the Jonas Brothers were nominated in the Best New Artist category. WTF??? First: they suck and Second: They’ve been around way longer than 2008.

In fact, all the Best New Artist noms kind of suck: Adele, Duffy, Jonas Brothers, Lady Antebellum, Jazmine Sullivan … uh, where’s Katy Perry? Colbie Callait? Sara Bareilles? Stupid.

The full list of nominees is here.

December 4, 2008 at 12:03 am by Evil Beet

41Kathy Griffin Says VOTE NO ON PROP H8TE!!!

VOTE NO ON PROP 8, CALIFORNIANS!!!!

DON’T LEGALIZE HATE!

October 31, 2008 at 1:15 pm by Evil Beet