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Justin Bieber

19Blind Item: Justin Bieber Is Still A Bad Boyfriend

A photo of Justin Bieber

Does anyone else get the idea that Justin Bieber is one of those guys who treats his girlfriend like shit, day in and day out, and then maybe once or twice a year he does something really nice and romantic so that if she ever calls him out on being an asshole, he can go “nuh-uh, babe, I planned a private screening of Titanic“? Because I really, really do.

We’ve heard a few stories about Justin here being a bad boyfriend, and even though this is a blind item, I’m going to go ahead and add it to the list:

What A list tweener singer told his on again and off again B list tweener girlfriend they would be off again unless she lost some weight. He said he doesn’t like to see any fat and that she was getting “too curvy” for his own liking and embarrassing him in front of his friends by getting big. When she started crying, he said it was her problem, not his.

That sounds like Justin Bieber all over the place, doesn’t it? And unfortunately, Selena Gomez is getting a lot of flack for her new “fuller figure.” No, really. Here’s a photo of Selena taken over the weekend, just so you can see all the “weight” she’s “gained”:

A photo of Selena Gomez

Whoa, isn’t that just totally crazy? Isn’t it so bizarre how young ladies who still very obviously still have baby fat have, like, baby fat? And isn’t it just so completely outrageous how if you’re sitting down and leaning to one side, how your skin will look different? What a strange world we live in.

To sum everything up, Justin Bieber is a douchebag, Selena Gomez is way too good for him, why does this relationship still have to exist?

September 18, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily

7Love It or Leave It: Justin Bieber Got Another Tattoo

A photo of Justin Bieber

Yep, that’s a little crown on his chest. If we’re going by his other tattoos, it’s either something religious or cocky. Which do you think it is?

But because it’s just too exhausting to analyze Justin’s stupid face or his silly tattoos, let’s just review a couple of his most recent tweets, all right?

let’s make it about the music. get #BELIEVE for a friend, a hater, anyone who doesnt know and let’s see how the music efffects them.

give #BELIEVE and convert a hater. let the music do the talking.

Ha!  And then his fans said things like “believe is one of the best albums I’ve heard” and “the album Believe changed my life” and “listen to Believe it will change u” and “Believe will convert the haterzzzzz.”  But friends, just to be real with you, I’ve listened to quite a few songs from this new album, and it really didn’t change my life. All it did was give me a giggle or two. If you need something that will change your life, try reading The Secret or something, because I don’t think this will really do it for you.

And finally, I want to share with you an image of the only truly entertaining thing Justin Bieber has ever done:

A photo of Justin Bieber

While his music may not be for everyone, and while his words may not touch every heart, his acting skills are truly untouchable.

September 4, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

3Cops Would Like to Have A Word with Justin Bieber

A photo of Justin Bieber

In the real world, when you send a photographer to the hospital with your tiny fists of rage, you go to jail. At the very least, you get thoroughly questioned by police, especially when you’re an 18-year-old boy with obvious attitude problems. But Justin Bieber doesn’t live in the real world, so when he assaulted that photographer, it was basically no big deal. Until now.

From TMZ:

Cops want to chitchat with Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez about an alleged brawl with a photog back in May … TMZ has learned.

TMZ broke the story, Bieber and the pap got into it as JB and Selena were leaving a movie at the Calabasas Commons. The photog called the cops, but Justin and Selena had split by the time they arrived.

The police file went to the D.A. for review in June — but law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the D.A. has since kicked it back … asking for more info.

Topping the to-do list … an interview with Bieber and Gomez.

So far, cops have not made contact with the two singers — but they plan to very shortly.

Sources close to Jusin tell us, the singer will happily yak it up with cops. Selena’s people could not be reached for comment.

Yeah, still no big deal. It’s nice to know that they haven’t forgotten this completely, but we all know that absolutely nothing is going to come of it. Justin Bieber lives in a world where Amanda Bynes still has her driver’s license and Lindsay Lohan can steal and destroy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stuff as she pleases. It’s not reality, and we shouldn’t expect the rules to be the same. In Justin’s world, police will “question” him on a Ferris wheel and then buy him a snow cone for his trouble before riding off on his pony. And those are just the facts.

September 2, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

3Everybody’s Mad at Justin Bieber Over This Stupid Picture

A photo of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

What you’re looking at is a photo of Justin Bieber, world renowned badass, Selena Gomez, most tolerant girlfriend ever, and Selena Gomez’s dad, that lucky dude sandwiched in the middle. The photo was taken on the set of Selena’s new movie, Feed the Dog. As you can see, Justin, being the badass he is, is pointing a prop gun at Selena’s dad. And people are so mad about it.

I definitely get the idea behind the uproar. People are angry because Justin Bieber is so popular, and, you know, so are guns, and they think that Justin could be influencing his young fans to think that taking pictures with guns and playing around with guns is a cool thing to do. Also, with the recent shootings that have taken place over here in the U.S., it’s not really great timing to be having funzies with a gun. Justin’s a bad role model. Very, very bad.

But it’s just so hard for me to take this all that seriously. Maybe it’s because just yesterday I told you guys about how Justin punches other dudes in the penis, or maybe it’s because there are a lot of more important things to worry about in the world than Justin Bieber taking a picture with a prop gun, but I’m just not all that worried about this one. Justin’s always going to be a thoughtless, impulsive little asshole, but it’s just really hard to imagine that he’s this much of a threat, you know?

September 1, 2012 at 8:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

10Justin Bieber Can Punch You in The Crotch, But No Backsies!

A photo of Justin Bieber

But we always knew that Justin Bieber had this in him, didn’t we? Everything that this kid has ever done has led us to believe that he’s an extremely childish little jackass with poor impulse control and a very inflated sense of self-importance. And that’s exactly the kind of person who goes around hitting people in the dick.

See, The New Yorker, for whatever reason, did a story about Justin’s manager, Scooter, and our friends at Popbytes were kind enough to share the following excerpt:

Carson Daly, the host of The Voice, walked by. Braun called out, “Hey, Carson!” Daly and Braun began to review a script detailing stage patter. Bored, Bieber started a game, playfully jabbing everyone in the crotch with his fist. First, he jabbed at Braun, who, without looking up from the script, dropped his hands to block. Daly did the same. When Bieber jabbed at Siva Kaneswaran, a member of the Wanted, he connected. He called out, “Got you, bro.” Kaneswaran balled his fist but seemed unsure how to respond. “I don’t want to hurt his pretty face,” he said.

Braun said, “Just get him in the pretty balls. It’s fair game.”

“No, it’s not,” Bieber said.

Braun took a firm tone. “Justin, it is—fair game,” he said. “You hit him in the balls, fair game.”

Bieber was peeved. “Where’re we going?” he asked. “Where’s my dressing room?”

I may not be up to date on Bro Code, but I’m pretty sure it’s not cool for dudes to hit other dudes in the junk. And even as someone who doesn’t know the delicate nature of testicles firsthand, the last time I thought it was ok to casually hit a guy in the crotch was when I was about 8 (and in my defense, it was a total asshole who wouldn’t let me by him in the hallway at school. He kept jumping in front of me and yelling “red light, red light,” so I punched him as hard as I could between his legs, said “green light,” and went on my way). And even if you do think it’s acceptable to do something like that, you’ve absolutely got to be able to take it right back. But Justin sounds like he actually doesn’t understand that. And that’s really troubling.

August 31, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

5Justin Bieber’s Just Not Famous Enough Yet, Guys

photo of justin bieber black and white vibe magazine pictures
If it’s another day, it’s another BS, contrived interview courtesy of Justin Bieber and some crap magazine like Vibe (which wasn’t a crap magazine until they decided to sell out and offer valuable interview space to an overgrown toddler with a bad haircut and attitude to match).

Justin spoke to Vibe about his favorite things—fame, what it’s like to be famous, and his fans, which can be roughly translated to “ME ME ME.” I know I shouldn’t expect so much from someone who doesn’t even know what the Sistine Chapel is, but come on. Let’s broaden our horizons just a little bit, maybe … maybe talk about something or someone other than our precious selves during these interviews, huh?

Here’s Justin on “fame” in “general”:

“In general, fame can tear you apart, so you can never really feel like you’re famous. When people start acting like they’re famous, that’s when they start losing it.”

Oh, and let me guess—Justin doesn’t act like he’s famous, right? Of course not. Moving on.

Justin on what it’s like to have so many fans around the world:

“I don’t like giving too much personal information about where I live and the cars I drive… There are a lot of people in this world that aren’t good people, and all they need to do is a little research and then they can… People hiding in garbage cans overnight to catch [pictures] of me. Crazy things happen. You can’t give out too much personal information.”

That’s right. We’re just not that lucky.

Last, Justin on his fans, and how they’re bigger and crazier than anyone else’s fans ever of all time:

“My fans are crazier than anyone else’s fans. I’ve had girls make light-up signs with actual mechanics involved. Like it takes them three months to make that sign. Three months! That’s a long time.”

Yes, Justin, no one has ever had the kind of fame you’ve achieved in your young years ever, and no fan has ever done crazy things in the name of their idol. There’s been no such band called ‘The Beatles’, or ‘Hanson’, or even people known as ‘Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson‘. You’re definitely the be-all, end-all of what it is to be idolized and emulated and stalked, and there’s nothing more that anyone can do to top this, and plus, you have all of your own hair, and that pretty much trumps everything. We get it, alright?

August 17, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Justin Bieber