Can he ruin Christmas? He sure can! Can he make your daughters scream his name? 24/7, y’all. Can he name all the continents? Um … psh, unimportant! What we want to know is if he can freestyle over a Notorious B.I.G. song.
Check out the video, you guys. All your questions will be answered, and all your dreams will come true.
December 22, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
By now, it’s pretty obvious that Justin Bieber loves Christmas almost as much as Courtney Stodden. He’s brought us so much seasonal joy with his Christmas songs, and now it’s time that he brings us the same joy by talking to us about his favorite holiday:
On Santa: My mom always told me there wasn’t a Santa. This was her logic: She thought if I grew up knowing about Santa then finding out he wasn’t real, that it would be like she was lying to me. And then when she told me about God, I maybe wouldn’t believe her. So she just wanted to be straight-up and honest with me all the time. But I didn’t tell my friends or ruin it for anyone — I was a good kid!
On Christmas traditions: We played a game on Christmas Day where everyone brought a girl gift and a boy gift. You roll the dice and if you get doubles, you get to pick a present and if you don’t, it’s the next person’s turn. Then, the next time you roll doubles you get to choose someone else’s present and switch. One time I really wanted a Game Boy but I ended up with pots and pans, which was disappointing. I think I gave them to my mom.
On “the best present ever”: I remember getting my first red bike which didn’t have training wheels on it. I was stoked. I thought it was the best present ever. It took me a little bit to learn how to ride it; I banged myself up, but I learned.
On his two- and three-year-old siblings, Jaxon and Jazmyn: When it comes to my little sister and brother, I spoil them. With Jazzy, all she has to do is cry and she gets what she wants. She’ll be getting a lot of Christmas presents.
But do they know he’s famous? Jaxon doesn’t really know. Jazmyn knows a little bit but she doesn’t really know the extent of it. She knows that I sing, she loves my songs and she’ll sing along to them — she’s really cute like that. And she has just now started calling me “Justin,” but for the past year she called me “Bieber” because that’s all she could say. It was like, “Bieber! Bieber!”
His Christmas wish: To be honest, I really don’t have any Christmas wishes this year… I just wish to be happy and that everyone be healthy in my family. And I wish that everybody gets to hear my Christmas album — and hopefully like it.
Do you love him more? Because I love him more.
December 19, 2011 at 6:30 am by Emily
I have a lot of fun pretending like Justin Bieber is the world’s most beautiful, most wondrous man, but just this once I’m going to drop the act and just say that wow, this kid is the biggest bag of douches* that I’ve ever seen. The way he carries himself, his behavior, even just his little voice in this promo as he talks about making your daughters scream, it’s all just uncomfortable and somewhat nauseating, right?
*Did I ever tell you guys about my first encounter with douches? I was probably 11 or 12, and my cousins and I were giving our grandmother’s house a thorough cleaning because she told us that if we didn’t she’d hit us with the riding crop (and she totally would – I never got the crop myself, the closest I ever came to it was when I refused to eat dinner at her house and offered to receive a little tap if I could just go outside and play, but my cousins definitely did). I was cleaning the bathroom, and I opened the closet door and all these boxes fell and hit me. They were douches. Douches rained from my grandmother’s closet, so I put the back in an orderly fashion, and later I asked my grandma what those things were, and she told me to go outside and hush. I think that’s why the term “douchebag” hits especially hard for me. And that’s my favorite story about douches.
December 13, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Emily
See, now, if I close my eyes for the first few seconds, it’s not so bad. But then I hear that awful, whiny “Baby” voice, and I’m brought back to the reality of what’s seriously going on. Also, does Mariah Carey just not dance anymore? Is her majesty above having to move on the set of a music video? She’s just content to pick up a tibia and toss it behind her every now and again, is that what this is?
Finally, the whole thing just sounds so damned auto-tuned. It’s not even real. It’s a bad dream, and I’m going to wake up any minute now.
… Any minute now, right? OK?
December 1, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah
The Biebz has some seriously awful spending habits. Like, sure, getting a private screening of Titanic for your lady is sweet, and who wouldn’t love to have his $25,000 Stewie necklace, but sometimes enough is enough. Luckily, Justin is still just 17 years old, so when he does something stupid, he can still get his minor ass grounded.
From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:
Justin Bieber has had his driver’s license suspended – by his overprotective mom! The teen pop star’s driving privileges shifted into neutral after his mom, Pattie Mallette, grounded him for splurging on a $160,000 custom-made hot-rod!
“Pattie blew a gasket when she learned about Justin’s wild spending spree,” a source disclosed. “As a result, she is forbidding him from driving until he turns 18, unless he’s accompanied by an adult chaperon.”
During a recent visit to England, the 17 year-old… singer reportedly treated himself to a customized “Project Kahn” Range Rover, complete with a souped-up Cosworth engine, custom paint job and a sound system worth tens of thousands of dollars.
The underage hot-rodder already owns a Batman-themed customized Cadillac and a Ferrari…
“Pattie is trying to get Justin’s wild spending under control,” added the source.
Does anyone else think it’s weird that Justin was able to spend $160,000 on a car without his mom knowing? I couldn’t spend $20 without my mom knowing when I was his age. I got an allowance for doing chores, and every Friday when my mom gave me my $10, she’d tell me not to spend it on anything stupid. I never did, of course – for the most part, my money went to form my impressive collection of Bowie albums and memorabilia – but it was always said. Now, I know that I’m not a superstar, I’m not the legend that Justin Bieber is, but don’t you think that his mom could have at least laid down the law a little before it got to this point?