Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber’s Would-Be Kidnappers Really Did Want to Sell His Testicles For $2,500 Each

You know how those two bros planned to kidnap, castrate and kill Justin Bieber last year before they got caught and went to jail? Remember how it was claimed that the suspects responsible for the plot – convicted killer Dana Martin and fellow inmate Mark Staake – wanted to sell his balls for $2,500 each? Turns out they uh, actually did.

From Digital Spy:

In phone calls obtained by KOAT 7 News in Albuquerque, Martin can be heard explaining to Ruane that Staake is “going to kill the pit bulls and you’re going to castrate them”, with “pit bulls” being the gang’s code word for Bieber, according to police.

The two then mention “hedge clippers” as their choice of instrument for the castration and agree on a price tag of “five large” for Bieber’s testicles.

A police report read: “When Mr Martin asked what Mr Staake had bought to castrate the victims, Mr Ruane stated that he had bought a pair of hand-held hedge clippers.

“In response to Mr Staake’s reluctance to follow through with the castrations, Mr Ruane stated he was going to do it and get ‘five large for each one I get’. Mr Martin confirmed that Mr Ruane was going to get $2,500 per testicle.

”Mr Martin suggested hiding them somewhere, such as the engine compartment, so as to avoid detection should they get pulled over.”

Ruane and Staake were arrested before they could carry out an attack on Bieber – believed to have been planned for after a show in New York’s Madison Square Garden – after Martin himself told police of the alleged plot.

Staake was arrested in Vermont due to outstanding warrants, while Ruane was later arrested in New York after police found murder equipment on his person

Martin, who has a tattoo of Bieber’s face on his leg, is currently serving two life sentences in Las Cruces prison, New Mexico for rape and murder.

First of all, I love that anyone cares enough about this little insufferable idiot to want to go through so much trouble and end up in prison. Second of all, Justin’s fans are barely old enough to have piggy banks, let alone $2,500 to pay for one of his baby balls. Third of all, I never would have used “pit bulls” as a code name for Bieber – more like “chihuahuas” or perhaps “teacup poodles”.

In all seriousness, there are some sick f-ckers in the world who think shit like this and it’s sort of terrifying. I mean, hedge clippers? I don’t even have boy parts and that’s giving me phantom pains.

Justin Bieber Thinks Anyone Who Doesn’t Like Him Needs a Good Slapping

Ugh, isn’t it just the worst when you want to ignore someone’s entire existence, but they keep insisting on being a total smacked ass at every available opportunity, making that impossible? Enter Justin Bieber, who is quickly becoming Chris Brown‘s top competitor for Walking Bag of Shit of the Year.

Alright, here’s the scoop. Apparently the drummer for the Black Keys, Patrick Carney, made a comment a few days ago that basically in so many words said that Bieber isn’t really a musician’s musician, as it were, but hey, at least he’s rich! He wasn’t just picking on poor, defenseless Justin, though. Instead, he was responding to the teen’s incessant whining about being passed over for any Grammy nods this year. Ugh. I know, right?

Carney’s exact comment is as follows:

“He’s rich, right? Grammys are for, like, music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy, I guess.”

I think what Carney said is partly stupid because he’s implying that only underrated bands who aren’t raking it in count as “musicians”, but I’m on his side because Justin Bieber is a whiny idiot and no one owes his pansy ass anything. Also, here’s a newsflash, Justin: you weren’t nominated because your album wasn’t any good.

Anyhow, His Royal Highness didn’t take too highly to the insult and lashed out at Carney via his Twitter page, claiming that a little violence would solve the situation. After all, who doesn’t beat up everyone who doesn’t like them?

Can anyone shut him up? It’s a shame Pattie Mallette didn’t take her son’s advice and bend him over her knee and ‘slap him around’ a little when he was growing up. Maybe then he wouldn’t have turned into such a douchebag.

Justin Bieber’s Mother Lets Him Do What He Wants

Pattie Mallette Justin Bieber pics photos

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to insufferable asshole Justin Bieber; his mother, Pattie Mallette, is also – surprise, surprise! – the absolute worst. Oh, it was all wonderful in the beginning when she painted herself as just a struggling single mom* who wanted no part of showbiz but eventually gave in for the sake of her son, who was just so passionate about music that it would be cruel to keep him from sharing his God-given talent with the world. Of course, the truth has since come out that she’s a money grubber and all those Christian values (including promotion of abstinence-only education) she purports to live by and endlessly preaches about kinda don’t apply to her own son, who has turned into a total nightmare.

Anyway, Pattie is currently on her Tour of Terror and is making the round on US TV shows as she promotes her memoir about how kewl it is to make money off the kid you nearly aborted – amen! – and she had nothing but positive things to say about Justin’s on-again/off-again girlfriend, Selena Gomez, and Justin’s life choices during a recent appearance on the Today show.

“You know, I just try and support whatever he’s wanting,” she said. “And I think she’s a sweetheart, and whatever they decide is great.”

“I mean, it’s tough letting go and letting our kids make the mistakes that they need to make. I just have to trust that he’s made good decisions in the past, and hopefully he’s learned from some of my mistakes.”

I know Justin’s 18 now and she can’t control him and all, but I can’t help but wonder what she really thinks about the fact that he’s pretty much doing every single thing on her list of diabolical activities: sex, drugs, breaking the law, being a dick to people… that’s something to be proud of, for sure.

*Mad respect to single moms – and single parents in general. Raising a kid is hard as hell and doing it well is something to be celebrated.

LOL of the Day: Justin Bieber Cheated On Selena Gomez… With Rihanna?

In what has to be the most ridiculous story of the day – nay, the entire week – it seems that Justin Bieber was unfaithful to on-again/off-again girlfriend Selena Gomez… with Rihanna. Bahahaha! I’ll let you get it all out of your system before proceed. Go on, take your time, catch your breath. Okay?

Take it away, Life & Style:

Life & Style can exclusively reveal the reason Selena Gomez broke up with Justin Bieber after two years of dating: Selena found out that Justin had cheated on her in the early stages of their relationship — with Rihanna.

“It has devastated her,” a friend of Selena and Justin’s reveals in the new issue of Life & Style. “It really cut like a knife because it happened in February of 2011, when Selena and Justin had been dating for months and were falling in love. It’s caused Selena to question their entire relationship.”

After flirting at a basketball game in LA on Feb. 20, 2011, the friend tells Life & Style that he and Rihanna hooked up.

Though Justin and Selena, who have been dating since late 2010, have been off and on in recent months as work kept them apart, this devastating piece of information caused her to break things off for good, says the friend. Now, “Selena thinks maybe they’ve been hooking up all along,” their friend tells the mag.

Okay, I don’t even know where to start with this one. First of all, I know Rihanna is sexually liberated and gets her swerve on at all times (get yours, girl – no shame!), but Justin Bieber? In 2011, he would have been just about 17. His voice was barely mature, so I doubt much else was. He was just some wannabe Usher with mediocre singing and barely passable dancing – hardly her cup of tea, if I had to guess (regardless of how “awesome” Mike Tyson thinks he is). Second of all… just, no. I don’t even have a second of all, it’s just that stupid.

I will say, however, that I’m sure Justin has cheated on Selena with quite a few girls, most likely 13-year-old groupies who stalk him at his concerts. He’s just the worst – dunno what anyone sees in this little asshole.

Mike Tyson Thinks Justin Bieber is “Pretty Awesome”

It’s the weekend, and what better way to spend a Saturday than to feature stories with crazy people? I leave you today with a little gem from your favorite bird-loving banned boxer, Mike Tyson, who – besides his fondness for his avian friends – also really loves… Justin Bieber?

From MTV News:

“I just think he’s pretty awesome,” Tyson said, “And I think his cut with Big Sean ['As Long As You Love Me'] was pretty awesome too.”

Tyson then further emphasized this point by singing a few lines from a Bieber tune (though, to be honest, we’re not sure which Bieber tune) and said that his knowledge of music was nearly as impressive as his collection of title belts … a fact he owes mainly to his wife.

“If you saw my iPad, I have everything. My wife puts everything on my iPad. You know, ‘Justin? Let’s put him in there. Let’s put Rihanna in there. Let’s put Kendrick Lamar in there,’” he laughed. “My wife’s got everything on there, she’s got Shania Twain — I don’t know why she put that in there — and I can’t remember some of the other stuff. I hear Lloyd sometimes. But mostly I find out about stuff from my wife.”

And though he’s never gotten the chance to sit down and talk with Bieber, Tyson definitely had some career advice for the young crooner … especially in light of the recent controversy that arose over those “weed” photos.

“Justin’s not having any problems. He should just enjoy his life; nothing’s wrong, he’s not doing anything bad or anything,” Tyson said. “Weed is not necessarily a problem. He hasn’t gotten arrested or anything, or in a car wreck. He’s a really awesome kid, and he earned everything he has … He should just live life on life’s terms.”

If there’s anyone I wouldn’t take life advice from, it’s Mike Tyson. Just stick to your pigeons, man. Justin can stick to showing his butt in public or whatever he’s doing with his life since he hit puberty.

Love It or Leave It: Justin Bieber’s Billboard Cover

photo of justin bieber billboard magazine pictures, photos
Now, I don’t normally run Justin Bieber stories myself, partially because I despise Justin Bieber, and partially because … oh, wait, right. It’s just that one thing: because I despise Justin Bieber. This, however, was interesting, because in the accompanying Billboard interview (which isn’t out in its entirety yet), Justin talks about how he’s in a really dark place in life right now, and some are speculating that it’s because of Selena Gomez and all that pot-smoking and butt-showing.

In the interview, which is set to release today, Justin says this:

“I’m not in the happiest place that I’ve ever been.”

And I’m, like, agog. Justin Bieber, not happy? I just can’t even imagine why. It can’t be because he beats on people and that makes them despise him, nor can it be because he just can’t stop with all the silly tattoos, because hey. They can be removed one day, I guess. Whatever, though. Judge not Bieber lest ye be hit by a car or something, right?

Justin’s Billboard cover—love it or leave it?

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So, Uh, Justin Bieber Wanted You to See His Butt

A photo of Justin Bieber

Happy Sunday, you guys! Did you have a good night last night? Did you get into anything wild and crazy? Me, I just went out to buy hair dye and milk and then I watched Just Like Heaven, that romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon where she’s in this coma and her spirit has to get Mark Ruffalo to save her with the power of love. But I bet you guys went wild.

Oh, this post? Yeah, this is just Justin Bieber showing off his ass. He put it on Instagram. I don’t know why, but there it is. I know it’s not the whole thing, but it’s still something special. It’s something special to me.

But hey, how long do you think it will be till Justin does a dick pic, Chris Brown style? Probably not long, right?