Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jon And Kate Plus Eight

It’s Over!

Joel Gosselin

After years of watching the little Gosselin babies grow into resilient little children, the Jon & Kate Plus 8 disaster is over.

After Jon’s insistence that the children not be filmed any longer, TLC really wasn’t left with any choice but to cancel the show.  The last episode will air in November.  What does this mean?  No more constant “I do it for my kids, it’s all about my kids” crap from Kate, and Jon can officially breathe as loud as he wants to without fear of admonishment.

I guess Jon anticipates a healthy paycheck on the horizon to feed all those mouths that used to feed themselves.  We should all anticipate more stories about Jon catchin’ some brewskies with Michael Lohan while they ogle 17 year-olds.

Jon Gosselin Says Kate Abused Him

We already discussed that Whitney was on GMA today, but one of our old EB faves was also on the show. Jon Gosselin took to the hot seat to answer some questions about his divorce from Kate and with his usual mouth full of marbles, he told Chris Cuomo that despite all of his hard work, Kate’s busy book tour schedule and her “abuse” is what drove the two apart. He makes his ex out to be a control freak bitch who left him at home to watch after their children. Ah, such a victim.

Let’s get something straight: These people are living a lifestyle that’s afforded to them because Kate pumped out sextuplets after already having twins and to many, that is an interesting story. I’m sure, when faced with the option, more people would rather talk to the mother that housed these children in her body than the father. That’s just how these things work. For Jon to take issue with the fact that he’s not making money off the extremely rare conditions that his children were born under the way he wants to, that’s just pig-headed and selfish. While another man would be proud of his wife and the way that they’ve both capitalized on this natural circumstance together, Jon Gosselin takes it as abuse. And he’s really gotten his way now, hasn’t he? Now Kate is always at home with the children and he’s gallivanting around the world with hideously tacky and unsavory people. He sure got her!

You know, I’m thinking that a 22 year old girlfriend may be exactly what he’s mentally capable of handling.

Jon Gosselin, Whorin it Up

Jon Gosselin Goes on Dinner Date with Mystery Blonde Who Appears to be Having a Stroke

Jon and an unknown blonde went out for dinner and a stroll last night in NYC, jut hours after Jon met up with Kate and the kids for a TLC photo shoot.

I’m not usually of the opinion that a man and a woman  are crossing streams just because they’ve gone out to dinner together–I am neither The Huffington Post, nor the Ayatollah.

However, this is Midlife Crisis Gosselin we’re talking about here, and the blonde’s body language speaks volumes– approximately 750mL of liquid volume, the size of a bottle of Stolichnaya. Correct my translation if I’m wrong, but she seems to be saying, “I’m drunk and shameless.”

This Father’s Day, It’s Jon Minus Kate Plus 8

Jon Gosselin

Jon Gosselin spent Father’s day with all eight of the kids at their home in Reading, Pennsylvania. The family played Lacrosse and slipped and slid on a Slip n’ Slide. His Father’s Day present was “spending time” with the kids.

Kate was nowhere in sight. When asked by reporters about her whereabouts, Jon replied that he had “no idea” where she was, which means that Jon got more Father’s Day love from a group of strangers than from his wife. When a carload of teenage girls parked in front of the house and yelled “Happy Father’s Day Jon!” the Gosselin Dad waved and said “Thank you.” He then went into the house and returned moments later with signed family publicity photos for each of the girls.

Jon also commented on Aaden’s trip to the doctor yesterday. Turns out he was running around the house when he smacked into a corner. “They stitched it up and he’s fine,” he said.

As for questions about luxury apartment hunting or the Gosselin’s impending divorce big announcment, Jon replied, “You’ll have to watch the show.”

8 Little Monkeys Jumpin’ on the Bed, One Fell Out and Bumped His Head

Aaden Gosselin, Kate Gosselin

Gosselin sextuplet Aaden Gosselin– pictured above, flying through the air this past April– was taken to a walk-in medical clinic by dad Jon yesterday for treatment of an apparent head injury. He left the clinic with a bandage on his boo-boo, but otherwise appeared to be fine.

No word on what caused the injury, but aren’t things like this pretty standard with kids his age? When I was three, I was jumping on my parents’ bed when, just like the song about the little monkeys, I fell off and bumped my head– well, cracked it open, really. They took me to the emergency room where the doctors all but accused them of child abuse.

With the Gosselin’s high profile life and half of America all up in their family business, let’s hope this doesn’t get blown way out of proportion.

Jon Gosselin’s Apartment Hunting Trumps Impending Divorce Announcement


As Beet told you yesterday, the Gosselins have an important announcement to make.  It’s a forgone conclusion that they’re announcing their divorce despite the fact that Jon still wears his wedding band while sparking up his mysterious looking cigarettes.  God, they are really keeping this sham going right until the bitter end.  Oh, and I’m warning everyone right now, if their “important announcement” is that they’ve decided to separate, you can’t even prepare yourself for the fit I’m going to pitch.  They’ve been separated for months and months.

Now, a Gawker reader reports, “I was at my friends apt at trump towers on 66th and riverside blvd….. we were in her apt… then left to go to dinner… in the hallway was the realtor of the building and she was with JON from jon and kate plus 8. It was CLEARLY him. He had bloodshot eyes. We all rode the elevator together. He was looking at an apt on the 8th floor.”  Was Jon Gosselin really apartment hunting at Trump Towers in…Manhattan?  I understand that Jon is really checked out and just wants to smoke joints and screw college girls, but would he leave the area where his eight kids live to move to New York City?  Is this the only place where he could find an apartment large enough to house all the cameras necessary to film his weekend visits?  Will I be able to tolerate Kate’s weekly, “I’m here.  I’m doing this.  He’s not.  I do everything for my kids,” tirades any longer?  When the divorce is final, will there be a new show titled Kate & a Date Plus 8?  Jon Movin’ On Without His Spawn?

So.  Many.  Questions.  Monday night can’t come soon enough.

It’s Official! America No Longer Cares About The Gosselins


Prayers are answered!  I think I can officially stop talking about the controlling clown car uterus and her passive-agressive lap dog — you know – The Gosselins.

When the Jon & Kate Plus 8 season 5 premiere aired, it brought in 9.8 viewers.  Sure, there was a curiousity factor in the first week which definitely helped them get to that number.  However, the numbers have dropped way off.  June 8th’s episode brought in 4.3 million, and this week’s just 2.9. 

America’s over it.  We don’t want to watch unhappily married people who are contractually prohibited from announcing their intention to divorce.  The economy sucks.  We want happy!

It’s over, folks.  Not just your marriage, but your show, too.