Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Joan Collins

Joan Collins Really Knows How to Talk Trash, Huh?

A photo of Joan Collins

Man, that Joan Collins. What a crazy bitch, right? Everything this woman says is pretty much pure cattiness, and I’m not going to lie, it makes me giggle. So, of course, if there’s a new story going around about Joan talking shit about a good handful of today’s lady stars, I’m going to let you guys know about it.

On Gwyneth Paltrow: “Is she the one who called her grandmother a rude word on air?” she asks, dismissively. “I thought that was pretty shocking.”

On Keira Knightley: “Well, she’s thin,” is all Joan will say.

On Carey Mulligan: “I don’t want to comment on Carey Mulligan,” she remarks sadly, before proceeding to do just that. “I can’t believe she’s playing Eliza Doolittle in a new movie.”

On Kate Winslet: I move on and show her a picture of Kate Winslet taken a few days earlier at the Venice Film Festival. She lets out a huge sigh. “Oh, that’s a dreadful dress. The worst dress. And ghastly shoes and an awful hairstyle. I’m sorry.” She shakes her head.

On Adele: “She’s a very good singer, very, very talented, but she has a terrible hairpiece.”

On Kate Moss: Kate Moss is “OK, but she’s not Linda Evangelista in my mind.”

On Victoria Beckham: “Oh I love Victoria Beckham. You’ve finally found someone I like.”

Whoa, don’t hold back, Joan.  Tell us how you really feel!  Oh, and in the meantime, step off my goddess, Adele. Not appreciated.

But really, how wacky is Joan Collins these days? Do you love it?

Joan Collins Is Still The Sassiest

A photo of Joan Collins

Did you know that Joan Collins is releasing a new book called The World According to Joan? Yeah, that’s some powerful news, isn’t it? The Daily Mail describes it as “a kind of manifesto for modern living in which she gives her thoughts on everything from parenting to bad manners to politics.” And you know Joan doesn’t hold back, so this book is going to be nothing but gold. Maybe go ahead and expect a good few quotes from it, because I am real excited about it.

Anyway, The Daily Mail got together with Joan because they’re serializing the book starting next week (!!!), and they wanted to have a quick little sit down with her before they got started. And this 78-year-old lady has a lot of words to say.

On being chastised by her children for calling someone a Chinaman: “Apparently that is rude and I am supposed to say Asian. Gah. Since when? Look. I know that people will blame me for pontificating about things that an actress shouldn’t, but I have something to say, something that I think a lot of people will agree with. Things that they might be frightened to say because it is politically incorrect to do so.”

A selection from The Mail’s description of the book: Throughout the nine chapters, Collins writes well with great humour, hitting targets both big and small.

They include actresses who use Botox (‘pillow lips and eyes like tiny pits in a marshmallow cloud’), and fat people (‘the Orca-sized oafs from Planet Girth’).

On fat people: “Loathe fat people? Did that come across? I certainly don’t admire them. They are digging their graves with their own teeth. I think to be terribly overweight is incredibly unhealthy. And how do they get into a tiny lavatory on a plane? I feel sorry for them, I do.”

Joan’s dating advice: It is hard to give your children advice, but I tell my girls what my mother told me. Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen. Start as you mean to go on. Don’t give them a slice of the cake before teatime, if you know what I mean.”

The book also has a rather lengthy-looking segment about Joan’s first husband, actor Maxwell Reed, and how he date raped her on their very first date.  She says that she “only married him because I was so embarrassed that he had taken my virginity.”  So it looks like the book has some really sad material as well as Joan’s classic cattiness (orca-sized oafs from Planet Girth, how am I not supposed to love that?).

Are any of you going to be checking out Joan’s book?

Joan Collins Is Displeased With Hollywood Today

A photo of Joan Collins

I’m not a huge fan of Joan Collins.  It’s nothing she did – I actually thought she was delightful that one time she was on Roseanne – I’m just too young and too consumed with things like Justin Timberlake and margaritas to look far back enough to explore Joan Collins’ body of work.  That’s not her fault.  But Joan recently did a little interview with The Daily Mail in which she mostly just talked trash about Hollywood, and the lady said some home truths.

On the lack of beautiful actresses nowadays:  “When I was young, everybody on screen was gorgeous. I have to say, there aren’t that many good looking actresses around today. I mean, there’s Angelina Jolie and there’s… Angelina Jolie. Jennifer Aniston is cute, but I wouldn’t call her beautiful. She’s no Ava [Gardner] or Lana [Turner].”

On Cheryl Cole:  “I think that is why Cheryl Cole is so popular, because she is just so pretty and the public are starved of gorgeous people.”

On plastic surgery:  “Women who turn to cosmetic procedures look ghastly. They don’t look like themselves. I quite like the way I look, I’m quite happy with the way I look and I really don’t want to change it. In front of the camera my skin probably isn’t nearly as good as it used to be. But, I mean, what the hell, everybody’s got to get older. I think there’s something rather terrifying about people who are in their 50s or 60s trying to look 30 or 40.”

I think Joan is partially right.  There really aren’t any Ava Gardner or Lana Turner types in Hollywood anymore, but that age of glamour has been dead for a long time.  It’s an entirely different world in Hollywood, so it’s not really fair to hold the same standards, Joan.  I’m sure if Audrey Hepburn had the paps tailing her like they do with Lindsay Lohan, or if Lauren Bacall had the whole internet talking about her constantly like it does with Miley Cyrus (not to mention how much of a field day it would have had with Joan Crawford’s Twitter), these ladies might not have been quite so glamorous in the eyes of the public.  And that’s ok.

Also, who are you fooling with those plastic surgery comments, Joan Collins?  You are 77 years old.  Please.

What do you guys think about what Joan said?  Are there really no truly beautiful women left in Hollywood (besides Angelina Jolie)?