Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Love Hewitt

Quotables: Jennifer Love Hewitt is on the Prowl Again

photo of jennifer love hewitt on ellen pictures photos dating adam levine pic
“I always have my eyes out. I just read two days ago that Adam Levine is single again … I’m just saying. Look, we would be cute.”

OK, first of all, gross. I’m actually really grossed out by Adam Levine, and I’m not even sure why. I don’t know if it’s the whiny voice, or the beady little eyes, or if it’s a turn-off that he freely admits to barebacking with all of his girlfriends. I just don’t know. Second of all, how pathetic? Putting out a call for a date on a talk show? On Ellen’s talk show, nonetheless?

I’ve long been a fan of Jennifer Love Hewitt, and I know her idiosyncrasies like how she’s sort of desperate and can’t really keep a man for longer than a few weeks, and how, in that few weeks, she manages to whore him out on every occasion she gets so that he wants to retreat into a deep, dark hole (and not that one, unfortunately for her), only to never be seen in public again? Yeah. Because that’s just how it is.

Plus, despite my general distaste for Adam, he seems to only go for the uber-thin, uber-perfect supermodel type, and guys, let’s not delude ourselves here. Jennifer Love Hewitt is hot, but she’s no supermodel these days. A decade ago, sure. She was a hot ticket. But I think Adam’s more into the “get girls who every guy wants” schtick rather than the “get the girl who wants every guy” thing.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Got a Magazine Gig!

photo of jennifer love hewitt pictures photos maxim cover 2012
Woo! You guys know how much I love Jennifer Love Hewitt, right? Because I do. I really, really do. And I’m really, really excited that she’s on the cover of Maxim – again – because even she says that it’s the way she gauges her own hotness. I mean, you do have to be pretty hot to garner the cover of Maxim, am I right? And I’m sure that no one would be offering her the cover if she still looked like this, right?:

photo of jennifer love hewitt fat ass pictures ocean photo pic
Not that there’s anything wrong with it! Because that’s her, and she looked like that not too long ago. And please – don’t think I’m hating on my girl, because I just couldn’t do that to myself (or, you know, her). It’s just plain fact, and there’s definitely some sadditude to it, because even when she was heavier, she was still smoking hot. Sigh. I’m not even going to open this can of worms, I’m just going to let you guys read her charming little interview and look through her super-hot pictures, which are after the jump and in the gallery. Then you tell me how hot girlfriend is no matter what she looks like a certain year out of the decade. I’m digging myself a fine little hole as we speak, so just … go on with it.

This is your fourth time on our cover. Thank you!
I know it is, and I love my Maxim! It’s my scale of how good I look. Whenever you guys call and say it’s time to be on your cover, I’m like, “OK, I’m in good shape.” And when you don’t call, I’m like, “I guess I should hit the gym.”

Your new Lifetime series, The Client List, sounds pretty sexy. Tell us about your character.
I play an all-American Texas mom who is a former beauty pageant queen. She and her husband and two kids have fallen on very hard times, so she’s forced to become a “working mom,” whose expertise is keeping her clients happy. We’ll just say it that way.

You’re a big proponent of “vagazzaling.” Can you explain what that is?
Vagazzaling is where you stick Swarovski crystals on the female area to add a little glitz and glamour. I actually named it that because it’s like BeDazzling for your hoo-ha.

Well, it’s a very descriptive term.
The fun part of being a girl is that there are little beauty things you can do to make yourself feel special. I can walk around all day and think, Nobody has any idea that I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now. It kind of took off after I wrote about it in my book, and now I have strangers coming up to me all the time like, “Oh, my God, I’m vagazzaled right now. Want to see?” I’m like, “No, I don’t, but congratulations.”

Do you still do it?
I do. I was vagazzaled for my Maxim shoot.

That’s news we can use! By the way, we heard you went to Betty White’s 90th birthday party.

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Stars Without Makeup: Kim Kardashian Vs. Jennifer Love Hewitt

photo of jennifer love hewitt and kim kardashian no makeup pictures photos pics
On your marks – get set! – go! Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Love Hewitt are head to head in competition for saddest reality famewhore of … um, I don’t know. Just this post, I suppose. I know you guys are probably thinking, “Blasphemy! Sacrilege!” because I’m sort of slamming one of my favorite ladies (Jennifer Love Hewitt, of course), but really, I’m not. I’m merely being realistic.

Come on. These two ladies both look like they’ve been up all night – both for different reasons, naturally; I’m willing to bet that Kim was up all night airbrushing her face so that it appears she’s wearing no makeup despite the fact that she’s actually got about seventeen layers of it, and that, my friends, is an art in its own right. JLH was probably up all night studying her script for The Client List and all six lines per show that she’s going to contractually receive. She’s probably also been writing love sonnets for her old flame, Jamie Kennedy, non-stop since she heard that he’s considered re-tapping that ass.

The moral of the story? Hard work is hard work, but what really defines you as a C-list celebrity is exactly what you work hard at doing.

Who’d you rather – Kim or Jennifer? Here’s the individual photos to help you decide.

photo of kim kardashian pictures photos pics no makeup photos twitter pics
And, of course, Jennifer Love:

photo of jennifer love hewitt no makeup pictures photos pics

Call it!

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Love It or Leave It: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Got Blonde Hair Now and a Recycled Boyfriend, Too!

photo of jennifer love hewitt blonde hair pictures photos 2012 before and after photos pic
You know, even though I (generally) love Jennifer Love Hewitt with the intensity of a thousand suns, I just can’t get behind this blonde look. And why do people say “Oh! She went blonde!” anyway, when it’s apparent that there’s still a bunch of dark hair mixed in there? Is the term “highlighting” or “frosting” passé these days?

Who knows.

The rest of the look, however, is a win. She’s toned up a lot (no doubt for her role as Lolita Stripper on the new Lifetime series, The Client List) and I’ve pretty much always appreciated the fashion choices that she’s made. Also, word on the street is that she’s reconciled with ex-boyfriend Jamie Kennedy. Don’t know about you guys, but I’ve always, always loved them together. The thought of the two of them shacking up was like a teenage wet dream – Randy from Scream (who I unashamedly admit to having crushed on back in the day), and Jennifer Love Hewitt, goddess siren of teen movies in the late nineties? Hell yes, thank you very much. Here’s the scoop from E! Online:

… Is the 32-year-old actress pairing her new hair with an old flame?

It sure looks that way!

A source tells E! News exclusively that Hewitt has rekindled her romance with actor Jamie Kennedy. The Ghost Whisperer costars enjoyed a year-long romance that ended with a high-profile split in March 2010.

Late last year, Hewitt split with actor Jarod Einsohn. Fortunately for the star, her old beau was conveniently unattached as well.

“They are dating again,” the source tells us, adding that the reunited couple has been enjoying sleepovers at Kennedy’s L.A. condo.

Hewitt’s Twitter feed certainly has been lovey-dovey the past month. She’s retweeted Love Quotes and Megan Fox’s parody Twitter account’s uplifting messages about romance and choosing to “look beyond the imperfections” in order to be happy.

Hewitt’s rep had no comment.

So, this is a complete yay, ‘meh’ hair aside. Do you guys think she’s gotten back with Jamie because she’s finally exhausted all of her dating options, or do you think it’s something more? You know, something like JLH + JK = TRU LUV 4EVER? Is it that? Because I sure hope it’s that. And I’m willing to bet that she sure hopes it’s that, too.

Images courtesy of Celebuzz

Jennifer Love Hewitt Does a Striptease for The Client List

First of all, that is not girlfriend’s real voice. Don’t you remember back in the nineties when her song ‘How Do I Deal’ was big and crazy and all over the place? No? Here, here’s a Freshman year flashback for you:

Big differences? Breathy voice, smaller tits, awful center part in her hair, and the obligatory face close-ups. I also love the I Know What You Did Last Summer clips airing on the sheet hanging in the background of the video. I mean, yeah, I realize that this song was precisely recorded for the film soundtrack, but LOL. Come on. “JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT. HOT. SCARY FISHERMAN GUY. WHERE DID FREDDIE PRINZE JR’S. CAREER GO? WOOOOOOO, CREEPY.”

It’s a classic in the making, guys. Let’s cut her (and it) some slack. And before you watch the two previous videos and go all nuts, saying, “Ugh, this girl can’t sing“, she’s really not all that bad when you compare her to some of the ‘singers’ out there today. Here’s a clip of her doing Janis Joplin’s karaoke standard, ‘Me and Bobby McGee’:

Right? Not so awful. So now that we’ve established that it *probably* wasn’t Jennifer Love Hewitt singing the actual song accompanying her striptease man-flash video for The Client List, I want to go back to the point that I originally intended to make in showing you this clip.

See, back when The Client List was this nothing little movie; a tiny blip on the Lifetime channel’s entertainment radar, a bunch of women were all outraged that a movie was being made about a new ex-wife and mother having to whore herself out in order to pay the bills. It was degrading and gritty and a lot of people thought it was the anti-woman, succumbing to a world of men … stuff. But it did relatively well. And JLH and the film execs rode that trail ’til enough buzz was generated by the made-for-TV movie that it was picked up as a series (to also be aired on Lifetime. I said it did ‘well’, not ‘sensational’). Now that the series is going to be an actual thing, it seems like TCL is pandering only to those male audiences, showing Jennifer shaking her tits and showing her ass and checking out the pseudo-packages of her male clientele. And isn’t that kind of the complete opposite of what the film’s original intent was? Or did I get that wrong? Unless it’s supposed to be a video empowering women to perform sex acts in order to support her kids so that they have enough, I don’t know, Fruit Roll-ups for school? Is that what this all finally boiled down to? Because if it is. Man. What a disappointment. I’m all for tits and ass and Jennifer Love Hewitt, but not in such a cheap fashion. Way to go, Lifetime. Way to ruin a completely good premise by selling out.

What is the world coming to, guys, honestly. I just don’t know anymore.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Did a New Photoshoot Chock-Full of Photoshop

photo of jennifer love hewitt photoshoot new pictures photos pics
I know; you guys are probably wondering what kind of falling out JLH and I might have had that I would say such a thing about my girl, but it’s true: where in the hell did Jennifer Love’s lovely curves disappear to in this photo shoot?

The pics are promotional for her upcoming Lifetime channel show, where she plays a housewife-turned-prostitute in order to save her family’s finances. If that sounds familiar to you, it should: she played a role in the same-named (and, um, same-themed) movie on Lifetime, The Client List, and they were sent out via her Twitter account yesterday afternoon. If you don’t believe me about the series, here’s the official synopsis:

The series will follow Riley (Hewitt), who is forced to work in a day spa in a local town after being left in financial debt after her husband abandons her and her children. She quickly realizes that the spa gives much more than massages, but must partner with the parlor’s owner in order to keep food on the table. While helping to run the business, she struggles to discretely balance two lives – a single mother who must provide for her family and a strong businesswoman working in a unique and frowned-upon business.

Ew. Squicky. A prosti-mom. Bonus, though? You can look for Cybill Shepherd featured in the series as Jen’s mom.

Will you guys be tuning in to watch Jennifer Love strut her stuff on Lifetime as a “massage parlor” prostitute, or will you just be tuning in to see how poorly these photos really were retouched?

Flashback: Teen People, November 1998

Photo: Cover of Teen People, November 1998

You guys! I’d totally forgotten about this, but I had a subscription to Teen People when I was in high school. I only kept one issue. Just one. But! It’s the 1st Annual Celebrity Style Awards issue! That means we can point and gawk at some of the dumb crap our favorite stars were wearing in the late 90s.

Here’s a look at the November 1998 issue:

I included a profile of “new talent” Paul Walker (check the gallery!), who will be appearing in upcoming movies like Pleasantville, Varsity Blues, and Brokedown Palace.

I especially recommend the photo spread titled “Hair Watch,” which focuses on bleached spiky 90s hair, as sported by the likes of Mark McGrath, David Boreanaz, and Seth Green. However, it’s the ladies—Sarah Jessica Parker and Jamie Pressly among them—who take the cake for dumbest 90s ‘dos.

I also included a scan of “Star Tracks” because A) I had completely forgotten about Jonny Lang, and B) how the hell does Lukas Haas know Vincent Gallo? I am not too sure Vincent Gallo belongs in a teen magazine.

Under “Star Woes: Their Most Embarrassing Moments,” Kirsten Dunst says:

I’m really proud of going on Jeopardy! and winning $10,000 for charity. But I was so embarrassed because I couldn’t get my buzzer to work right. Now people [who were watching the broadcast must] think that I’m the biggest ditz. I only answered like five questions.

I finally watched Kirsten’s heinous Jeopardy performance on YouTube sometime last year, and she’s right: I thought she was the biggest ditz.

From the article “Getting ‘N Sync”:

Five good-looking guys from Florida form a singing group, make it big overseas and then bring their catchy pop songs back home, where they instantly captivate the American teen market.

Hmmmm. Does this tune sound a little familiar? Yes and no. It’s true that, on the surface, ‘N Sync’s story certainly reads like Backstreet Boys: The Sequel. They have the same manager (Johnny Wright, also of New Kids on the Block fame), the same home base (Orlando) and the same secret weapon (a sexy blond—the baby of the band—guaranteed to melt the female masses). But spend a little time with the tight-knit quintet—James Lance Bass, 19; Joey Fatone Jr., 21; Chris Kirkpatrick, 26; Joshua “JC” Chasez, 22; and Justin Timberlake (the noted blond), 17—and you’ll find that they’re as different from Backstreet as Third Eye Blind is from Matchbox20.

Elsewhere, 98 Degrees is noted, but no mention of Nick Lachey anywhere. Another article, “Felicity Fever,” promises a too-in-depth look at “the set of the most talked-about new TV series.”

There is a centerfold of a movie poster for Meet Joe Black. I didn’t scan it, but I did scan the “Got Milk” ad starring Joshua Jackson.

Of course there are the 1st Annual Celebrity Style Awards: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Claire Danes, Drew Barrymore, Mariah Carey, Cameron Diaz, and Jennifer Aniston all get props, along with Jakob Dylan (remember him?!) and Aaliyah (sigh). I didn’t scan in the other two dudes because they are boring, but both Leonardo DiCaprio and Will Smith received accolades.

Also: holy God, Melissa Joan Hart can barely dress herself. Reese Witherspoon, however, always dressed with the trends and still managed to look cute.

Also: UGH. I really thought this was a fun idea—until I was actually scanning everything in, that is. I encountered some truly gnarly technical difficulties with the Kodak ESP 9250, so I hope you appreciate what I do for you.