Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jason Alexander

Remember When Jason Alexander Was A Serious Actor?

A photo of Jason Alexander

I’m not saying that Jason Alexander was ever in the running for an Oscar or anything – though he was nominated for a number of Emmys and Golden Globes, and he did win a few Screen Actors Guild awards – but he did good stuff. There was Seinfeld, of course, which he was amazing on. He hit Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, too. He’s been in a number of movies and television shows since then, but here recently, his career has been slowing down a bit. I mean, in the past couple of years he’s done ads for Jenny Craig and a Funny or Die video with Courtney Stodden, you know? I’m sorry to say this, but it looks like Jason Alexander’s star has been fading for a little while now.

But not like this. I never ever, not in a million years, would have guessed that something like this could happen. Something so horrible, so unspeakably awful, something so tragic and terrible that I can barely even stand to look at it.

Jason Alexander just starred in a music video for Nickelback.

I just … Nickelback. Honestly.

Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison Do Funny or Die

And I am loving it, you guys, I am absolutely loving it. Well, except all that makeup on Courtney‘s boobs, that’s a little distracting. And I’m not making that up, right? She does use makeup to make her implants look bigger, doesn’t she? But anyway, I’m loving this video so much because it almost, almost distracts me from the fact that this is a married couple consisting of a 51-year-old man and a 17-year-old girl.

I was seriously watching this video, giggling every now and then because I enjoy Jason Alexander so, and it made me like Courtney a little because this made it seem like she was in on the joke. It made it seem like she was aware of how ridiculous she always looks, and even that she aimed to be that ridiculous. I actually thought “way to go, Hutchisons! Live your life and don’t worry about all those haters!” But then I remembered that the haters existed because these two are married in real life, and that’s disturbing.

Speaking of things that are disturbing, E! asked Courtney’s mom if she thought the Funny or Die clip went too far:

“They were not at all offended,” she told E! News. “Courtney is so funny, and with her sense of humor, and Doug’s too, they are able to be confident in who they are as people. They can take something and like it and laugh and be OK with it. They were the first ones to think it’s a funny thing.

“If someone spends the day with Courtney and Doug, they would win them over. They’re able to rise above everything. With Courtney, it flows off her back like water off a duck’s back. She’s so secure, she can take anything and look at the funny side. Criticism does not get her down at all.”

And, yet again, I am completely disgusted but completely unable to look away. Curse you, Hutchisons, and the spell you have cast on me!

Everyone We Cared About In The 80′s and 90′s Sings “Let It Be”

Ok, I know “everyone we cared about in the 80′s and 90′s” is a pretty large group, and granted, there is not a single Spice Girl in the video, but it’s still a solid representation.  Jason Alexander. Ricki Lake. Norm from Cheers, Theo from The Cosby Show. Carlton from Fresh Prince breaks it down.  What’s that? Those names are enough for your highfalutin tastes? Fair enough.  What if I told you that Glenn Close and Right Said Fred are also involved?  Still not enough?  Fine.  SMFG is there. That’s right, Steve Motherfucking Guttenberg.  And I defy you to name someone more important.

But really, I defy you.  I’m not saying that Steve Guttenberg was the most influential actor of the 80′s and 90′s (even though in a different, very correct sense I am definitely saying that), I’m just wondering what your favorite appearance in the video was.  I care about what you care about, and that’s why our relationship works.

Jenny Craig Totally Worked For Jason Alexander

Back in January, Jason Alexander became the new Jenny Craig spokesperson.  He’s lost 30 pounds, and judging by the video above, he’s pretty happy with those results.  I just wish every celebrity who loses weight would celebrate with a flashy song and dance number.

Alexander sings Jenny Craig’s praises all over his weight loss blog:

The Jenny Craig program is not a hard program. But it does take a committed person to reach success. Every day you are doing this work, working toward your goal — you are showing yourself and the world what real commitment is all about.

He also gives advice to people in the process of losing weight:

Look at yourself. You look better. You feel better. Not perfect! Not there! – But better. And that is the right direction. Nobody did this to us. This is not a world conspiracy. We got ourselves to the place where we needed to make this change for our lives. And ultimately, we are responsible for making it right again. And we can.

Be selfish — no one else matters in this but you. You deserve your fullest life back. You deserve to be able to breathe deeply. You deserve to be able to walk as far and as fast as you want to walk — and to run if you wish. You deserve to be able to buy clothing from any store you walk into. You deserve quality foods to serve yourself — fresh, filled with flavors and nutrients and textures and color. You deserve to be proud of who you are — to revel in your strength of mind, body and character. You deserve to walk the streets and beaches feeling eyes on you and knowing you look strong and healthy. You are doing something that many, many people believe they cannot do or flat-out will not do.

What do you guys think about these kinds of diets?  Is it helpful to have a weight loss program or should you just eat healthy food and work out more?  Does it feel weird to see Jason Alexander look pretty all right in spandex?

Jason Alexander Mowed Down a Kid on Bike Today

Oh, George Costanza … you zany old character, you. Best pay attention when you’re driving, fool.

Reps for Jason Alexander confirm that the star was involved in a minor vehicle accident earlier this morning that involved a fourteen year-old boy ramming his bike into the Seinfeld actor’s car. The child suffered minor bumps and bruises, but was taken to the hospital for precautionary evaluation anyway.

Jason’s rep claimed that the star acted “responsibly” and stayed with the cyclist until the paramedics and parents arrived at the scene.

Alexander’s not being charged with anything, but the police have an open investigation in the case. Makes sense. This is Hollywood, after all.

Speedy recoveries to the kid and best wishes in preventing Jason from having a neurotic breakdown that can only be remedied by food. He did so well on Jenny Craig.

Jason Alexander is the Newest Jenny Craig Spokesperson

Former Seinfeld star and KFC-spokesperson Jason Alexander is next in line to try Jenny Craig in exchange for a paycheck. The overweight sitcom star doesn’t seem remotely bothered by the fact that he’s following in the steps of Valerie Bertinelli and Kirstie Alley. In fact, he seems to think that this is the best possible plan for him. “It’s like someone’s clubbing me over the head it’s so obvious I should be doing this. It was a deadly combination of I’m fat and they work.” Jason hopes to lose between 30-40 pounds while on the plan, saying “Over the course of the nine years of Seinfeld, I can actually see my hairline go away and my waistline increase. One of them I can do nothing about; the other I can.”

I happen to think that a male spokesperson for Jenny Craig could be a huge deal for the weight-loss company. Not only will it definitely bring in a different crowd, but it will possibly change the way we view their brand. Jenny Craig has always seemed like your mom’s weight-loss plan, even more so than Weight Watchers. In fact, I’ve seen Weight Watchers take over as the preferred diet of many of my friends, male and female, over the past couple of years because portion control undeniably works. Could the company’s choice to use a well-known male actor make them relevant again?