Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Hilary Swank

Kristen Stewart Is The Least Sexy Hollywood Actress

kristen stewart pics

Sure, Kristen Stewart‘s face constantly looks like she just smelled an old shitty diaper, but I don’t think she’s an unattractive girl at all. However, British men don’t agree with me, as a recent poll run by the website MenKind put her at the top of a list of the least sexy actresses in Hollywood.

The full Top 10 list is as follows:

1. Kristen Stewart
2. Sarah Jessica Parker
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Denise Richards
5. Kirsten Dunst
6. Mischa Barton
7. Hilary Swank
8. Lucy Liu
9. Tilda Swinton
10. Uma Thurman

Alright, you got me on the rest, there – none of them are remotely attractive to me (but as I said earlier this morning – different strokes, different folks). I just would have thought men might like Kristen’s “leave me alone” lip snarl she constantly seems to be doing. Shows what I know about what men like (thank God).

A spokesperson for the MenKind (via MTV News) explained the results of the poll as follows:

“Our Oscars poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men – it’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance.

“They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthily skinny starlets on the big screen.”

Word – it’s nice to see a move away from unhealthily skinny figures and a celebration of something “far more than appearance”, like, I don’t know, actual substance, intelligence, sense of humour or whatever else. It’s just a shame those didn’t matter more before.

Human Rights Watch: Consultants to the Stars!

Photo: Ramzan Kadyrov -- the young one on the left -- sits with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Hilary Swank

In lieu of Hilary Swank‘s recent brouhaha—you remember, the one where she inadvertently attended the birthday of an alleged mass-murderer and war criminal, for money—new services are being unfurled to help celebrities, y’know, avoid that kind of thing.

Gawker has the full report:

How do you know if the guy who paid you six-figures to attend his birthday party in Chechnya is a bloodthirsty madman who tortures for sport? Looking that stuff up—and knowing whether to care about it—is hard. That’s why two non-profits are teaming up to answer the question: Is the oligarch I’m privately entertaining for money a monster?

Global Philanthropy Group and Human Rights Watch have jointly announced the new service, which will come free of charge to any celebrity contemplating that private gig in Kazakhstan.

There you have it, famous people! No more performing for murderous megalomaniacs! You have no excuse! Plus, the service is free!

So the next time a dignitary from some weird nation you’ve never heard of comes a-knockin’, just ask the Human Rights Watch whether the gig is legit. Easy!

Oh, and by the way: Swank’s publicist reportedly ignored repeated calls and emails from the Human Rights Watch before the Ramzan Kadyrov gala ever went down. So the other takeaway, all ye hubristic Oscar-winners, is, freaking stop ignoring the Human Rights Watch. They can only make it so easy for you.

Why Hilary Swank Is A Bad Person

A photo of Hilary Swank

The other day, I was watching The Reaping with my boyfriend, you know, that Hilary Swank movie about the plagues and all that? And we had that conversation that everyone has when they watch a Hilary Swank movie, the one where someone is like “do you think she’s pretty?” and everyone is like “wellll …” He also asked what Hilary had been up to in the past few years, and I honestly didn’t know. It’s been a long long time since I’ve heard any gossip at all about Hilary Swank. But then I checked, and you guys, Hilary Swank has been up to a lot. And it’s not good.

See, it all started when Hilary was asked to attend a birthday party for the president of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov, last week. And Hilary was like “yeah, sure, sounds like a blast!” and she went and gave this speech:

Note the part where that one guy is all “how did you know about this gig?” and Hilary goes “I read. I do my research.” Because the thing is that either Hilary is a liar who does not do her research or she is a cold-hearted shell of a lady, because it turns out that the president of Chechnya is actually not such a great guy. As in, he’s accused of torturing and murdering people.

So all these human rights groups are like “Hilary, what are you doing?” and Hilary has to issue this apology, saying that “I deeply regret attending this event. If I had a full understanding of what this event was apparently intended to be, I would never have gone.” She’s also saying that she’s going to donate the money she got for her appearance to charity, which makes it ok that she flashed her big goofy smile and gave a “happy birthday, Mr. President” to a dude who murders people.

Are we all caught up? I think so. Should we really hate Hilary? I’m not sure. Maybe a little.