3Harry Styles Gets Hit In the Crotch With a Shoe

One Direction was performing in Glasgow on Tuesday when they decided to take part in a Q&A session with the audience. It was during this time that some weisenheimer – one of the band’s endless lady fans – decided it’d be a good idea to chuck a shoe on stage. That was all right and all, but when Harry Styles picked the shoe up and asked for the other one, he got it – right in the gonads. Ouch.

The guilty party was 14-year-old Jade Anderson, who took to her Twitter page (of course) to apologise to Harry herself with the following message:

She also claimed that she’d been told she committed “criminal assault” by police and that she could have killed Harry. Uh, okay.

The next morning:

Jade is obviously loving her newfound fame and I’m sure Harry’s nuts have recovered just fine, so looks like all’s well that ends well.

February 28, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

2Harry Styles Has Nothing Bad to Say About Taylor Swift

Harry Styles and Taylor Swift only dated for like, the hottest of minutes before they were dunzo because TSwift wasn’t peen crazy or something, so it seems pretty stupid that we’re still talking about them like their relationship meant anything ever. But alas, here we are and Harry continues to be a shining beacon of gentlemanhood by refusing to talk shit about Taylor, even if she did probably diss him at the Grammys by doing an awful English accent during her opening performance.

From an interview with Capital FM (via Digital Spy):

“Oh it’s fine,” he told Capital FM. “She’s a great performer and she’s always good on the stage… she’s done it for a long time.

“She knows what she’s doing on stage. It was just another good Taylor Swift performance. It was good.”

And from Grazia:

“I’m not worried about seeing her at all. She’s a sweet girl, you know, I don’t have a bad word to say about her.”

Well, that’s nice, though I’m guessing that Taylor would have a lot worse to say about him if he did decide to open his mouth.  I think his reticence is most likely a British thing or a man thing or a combination of the two, but either way, sometimes silence really is golden. If only we could silence any talk of these two being together for the forseeable future…

February 19, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

5One Direction Has Been Warned to Stop the Womanizing: A Story in Gifs

Despite having the faces, bodies and voices of 12-year-old boys, apparently One Direction are hot shit and everyone wants to bone them (and we’re not just talking other 12-year-olds here). While Harry Styles is the most open about how much more he loves bedroom activities than music, the other group members aren’t so innocent, either. Zayn Malik was recently caught in a cheating scandal with his girlfriend Perrie Edwards from Little Mix, and Niall Horan is said to have broken up with his longtime girlfriend recently since he’s “not ready for love”. After all, what better time is there in a young lad’s life to sew his wild oats than whilst in the throes of inevitably fleeting fame?

The completely reputable newspaper The Daily Star reports that One Direction’s record label have warned them off the ladies in an effort to get them to focus on making better music – probably so they can get at least one more album to bank before fading into the land of teen nostalgia, where they belong.

The Take Me Home lads were given the dressing down by their Syco label bosses who told them relationship dramas are distracting from their chart success.

A source close to the band said: “One Direction are having No.1s all over the world but all anyone seems to be talking about is their relationships.

“Harry and Zayn were told the focus needs to move away from which girls they’re getting intimate with and be more about the music.”

Here’s the thing with One Direction: I doubt it was ever really “about the music” – fame, girls and money are obviously what motivated these kids to try out for The X Factor, and certainly what motivated the producers to stick them together in a group, sign them to a deal even though they came in third place on the show and promote them mercilessly to pre-teens who will beg their parents to buy them the magazines, lunchboxes and Trapper Keepers or whatever other bullshit merchandise they can churn out.

In any case, apparently the boys have to inform their label if they do want to start a new relationship just in case the girl in question wants to blab to the press once they break up.

They were told to inform management when romances start so non-disclosure agreements can be drawn up. A label source said: “The Zayn scandal wasn’t the kind of attention bosses want for the band. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it still chips away at their squeaky-clean image.”

Sure, sounds legit. Also, sounds like a plan that will totally work… not. If these boys want to sleep around with random girls they meet on the road or whatever, they’re going to do it and no mandate from management or anyone else is going to stop them. Besides, I think Syco is taking things a bit seriously in assuming that anyone is into One Direction for the “music”. Don’t get me wrong – their songs are total earworms that I find myself begrudgingly singing along to when they’re on the radio, but my soul isn’t fed by the lyrics of ‘Little Things’, you know?

February 17, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Jennifer

5Harry Styles is an Angel From Heaven Who Gives Free Pizza to the Homeless

Harry Styles from One Direction is a total stud if you’re under 12 or over 50, but did you know that he’s also a budding philanthropist who uses his fame for positive causes like shoving Domino’s pizza down the gullets of the homeless? Well, he is! Harry’s friend and fellow musician (and unfortunate songwriter of the most awful single of 2012 and possibly the last decade, One Direction’s ‘Little Things’) Ed Sheeran put the world to rights in a recent interview, insisting that Harry isn’t all unkempt hair and sex addiction, but instead is a “really genuine guy”.

Take ‘er away, Ed:

“We were in LA about three months ago and he had a day off. He spent two or three grand on Domino’s pizza and drove around giving them out to homeless people. That’s an amazing story. People write about Harry in a negative way because of his love life, but he does stuff like that a lot. He’s a pretty genuine guy.” [via The Mirror]

He probably is a pretty genuine guy, for all I know. I just think it’s hilarious that Ed Sheeran felt the need to clear the air on Harry’s behalf, as if Harry himself even cares what anyone thinks of him. On a side note, this story is especially timely as today is Harry’s 19th birthday. No need to pretend you care, but you can use it as an excuse to eat an entire cake on your own tonight. Devil’s food with vanilla icing, please, if you’re making enough for two.

February 1, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

14Blind Items: Taylor Swift is a Beard Again

From Blind Gossip:

This cute young celebrity is in a tough spot. He wants to live as his real self, but he is part of a group that could suffer if his image changes.

Here’s the situation: He is gay. He has always been gay. But the role he has to play is one which girls would find attractive. So for the past couple of years, he has been pretending to be straight, and pretending to enjoy girls idolizing him.

Now he is growing increasingly uncomfortable with that role. He is frustrated that he can’t openly date guys his age. He is not the only one in his group of colleagues who feels this way. However, for now, he is the only one who has been pushing management to allow him to be the “The Gay One”. He really wouldn’t mind that label at all. The others are trying to stay out of the controversy. While they are privately supportive of him, they are content to play the public game of pretending that they are all straight as long as the paychecks keep rolling in.

His management team – which is substantially older than him – vehemently opposes his coming out. They have made it very clear to him that they are there to sell an image, not to cater to his personal desires to come out. They believe in the more old-fashioned “girls are only interested in straight boy celebrities” school of thought. They don’t believe that a gay young celebrity will sell. They are so convinced of this that they have warned him that if he goes rogue and announces that he is gay, and fans tune out… he will lose his job.

It’s Harry Styles, right? One Direction and Harry Styles? Who else could it be? It’s not as if there are any super-mega popular boybands out there these days, unless you count Backstreet Boys, but I think that ship has sailed for a variety of reasons. One, they’re not spring chickens anymore, guys. Two? Didn’t one of them already come out as gay? Wait, no. That was *N Sync—Lance Bass. Alright, not the Backstreet Boys.

I’m going to go with Harry Styles, because that’s the easy thing, and when all else fails, you go for easy, right? Isn’t that why he was “dating” Taylor Swift to begin with?

January 27, 2013 at 1:00 pm by Sarah

17The REAL Reason Why Haylor Is No More

That caught your attention, didn’t it? Otherwise I’m sure you would have been like “another Taylor Swift story, are you serious?” But because this is the REAL reason why Taylor and Harry Styles broke up, you can’t resist, right?

WAIT. Don’t go yet! Even if you’re sick of hearing about Taylor Swift, you’ll want to hear this. I promise.

Ok, here’s the reason: Harry Styles is not circumcised. That’s it. He’s uncircumcised, and Taylor didn’t like it. She kept talking about his foreskin, and even after he “made it clear he had no intention of changing anything,” she “never missed the chance to poke fun or make a comment.” She even told him that he should get a circumcision. He ignored her at first, but then she brought it up one too many times, and he was out.

(By the way, this story is from the National Enquirer. There’s a solid chance this isn’t true. But don’t crush my dreams.)

This bitch. She would make fun of a dude’s junk right to his face, wouldn’t she? And she would also tell her boyfriend of two weeks that he needed to get circumcised. Just think about that. Just think about the gall that would take. Seriously, think about it. Maybe if you have a new boyfriend who happens to be in the same way, maybe just drop that line during your next date. Poke fun at it in the bedroom. See how it goes over!

But hey: this, this right here, is why I can’t quit Taylor Swift. If I didn’t obsessively read every single thing I can about her, then I would miss out on gems like this. And then where would we be?

January 25, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Emily