Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow Talks About Her Many Food Issues And Name-Drops At The Same Time

gwyneth patlrow 2013 tiffanys

Gwyneth Paltrow is a picky, borderline unhealthy eater. Talking about this is sort of like beating a dead horse. I’m sorry, a dead kale.

But she makes it. So. Easy. Especially because she’s always ready with an anecdote involving one of her many celebrity friends. I get why she was voted #1 most hated celebrity.

She blathered on and on for The Guardian:

I hung out with Leonardo DiCaprio when I moved to New York. He was vegetarian and he’d talk about how dirty meat is and how bad factory farming is. I haven’t eaten red meat in 20 years and although Leo’s not totally responsible he definitely planted a seed. When I turned seriously macrobiotic, it coincided with my father having been diagnosed with cancer [in 1999]. I felt I could heal him by proxy.

I didn’t really start cooking until I quit university to try to be an actress and was working as a hostess in a fish restaurant. At 19 I cooked my worst meal ever. I only had aubergines and a jar of tomato sauce, so I thought I’d make eggplant parmesan but didn’t have a cookbook. I made this hideous mess of bitter, burnt mush. But I served it. We were all starving, so we had no choice.

No. Shut up shut up shut up. You only had “aubergines”? And you were “starving” and had “no choice”? Cannot. Even.

I’ve lived in England for 10 years and the accent is the most beautiful in the world, except for how you pronounce pasta as pass-ta instead of pah-sta. I’m sort of joking when I say this but I really don’t want my children speaking that way.

Yes, heaven forfend.

Eating while filming a scene is the worst thing, because you have to keep eating the same thing all day long. You’ll notice that most films with food the actors aren’t actually eating, but I try consciously to eat to make it real, but most of the time I’ll spit it out to avoid feeling sick. I’m sure there must have been eating scenes, especially playing a 330lb character in Shallow Hal, but I don’t remember that film well to be honest.

I’m really sorry that the hardest part of your job is having to eat.

Are she and Morrissey friends? I’m trying to figure out which one of them would annoy the other one more. What’s especially unfortunate is that sometimes Paltrow can actually come off as a normal person that you can relate to. It’s just not consistent. Which is why I think most people think she’s especially annoying.

Gwyneth Paltrow Thanks The Press For Her Marriage to Chris Martin

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

Today in “blah blah, who f-cking cares?” news, Gwyneth Paltrow credits the media for hooking her up with Coldplay frontman and husband Chris Martin. Apparently the two had never even met when the papers started printing reports that they were dating, and because of that… they started dating? I don’t even know anymore.

From The Sun (via DigitalSpy):

“It’s funny because people had started writing that we were going out and we had never even met,” Paltrow recalled.

“He was in Los Angeles doing a concert and an actress that he had a crush on was supposed to come to the concert. When she didn’t show up, he was so annoyed that he said, ‘Oh, this is for my girlfriend Gwyneth Paltrow’.”

She added: “Then people were saying, ‘What’s going on?’ I was like, ‘I’ve never met this guy, I’ve no idea!’ And because of that, because people were writing about it, we ended up meeting at a concert and there you go. So, thank you!

“Because they had written so much in the press, his assistant came to my seat at the concert. They said, ‘This is so crazy, but will you come back and say hello afterwards?’ And that was it.”

Wow, that was such a good story, Gwyn. Can you tell it again? Too bad that marriage is probably heading for divorce, since the papers that are so spot on in predicting the future say that even your husband thinks you’re annoying as hell.

Holy F-ck, Gwyneth Admitted To Getting Botox!

gwyneth paltrow 2013 harper's

Gwyneth Paltrow, Ms. perfect vegan goddess, admitted to getting botox — and to smoking cigarettes. I…I think I love her. One minute she has me eye rolling so hard it hurts, like when she brags about her extreme diets or flaunts her wealth, but the next minute she’ll show some humility and seem like a real person. Plus, I’ll always have a special place in my heart for her after her extreme bitch of a personal trainer said, about GPal’s body,

I thought she’d have a supermodel body, because she was so tiny on top. But her butt was long and lifeless, and she held on to weight in her outer thighs.

F-cking bitch. Although in this interview Gwyneth calls her, “My God.”

Ms. Paltrow talked more about her diet and her body and face in the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar (whose website is f-cking awful to navigate, btw, just a head’s up):

I would be scared to go under the knife, but you know, talk to me when I’m 50. I’ll try anything. Except I won’t do Botox again, because I looked crazy. I looked like Joan Rivers!

Here are some more highlights from the interview. It’s a mix of your classic Paltrow Eye Rolls and your refreshing Paltrow candid statements. On her son and family:

Around her neck is a Jennifer Meyer gold chain that spells out MUM in funky fat type (another Goop collaboration). A dash of daring is provided by a chunky gold chain belonging to her seven-year-old son, Moses, from the downtown hipster boutique Blue & Cream in New York. “He’s obsessed with hip-hop and wanted a chain like his Uncle Jay,” she says with a smile, meaning, of course, Mr. Z.

On being having to be dressed only in her underwear for a film:

There are certain requirements, but luckily I have a good base because I work out often. I just had to not eat pasta and french fries the night before shooting—which I’m terrible at doing.

On her diet:

You know, I use organic products, but I get lasers. It’s what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu.

On her marriage:

We are growing into very similar people. It’s cool, it’s good. It’s not always easy, though!

On having another kid:

…if I want to have another kid, I gotta kind of get on it. But then you see a baby and you smell a baby! And you’re like, ‘Yep, I do.’ I don’t know. It’s a very big decision, so we’ll see. Anyway, I’m not doing it this month!

She looks absolutely stunning in the photo shoot.

Oh, F-ck Off Already: Gwyneth Paltrow Raps Like a “Bad Mutha” When Cooking

gwyneth paltrow

Just when you think Gwyneth Paltrow couldn’t get any more annoying, she goes and let’s something fall out of her face hole that makes you want to take a cheese grater to your skin just to distract from the idiocy before you. The woman who even annoys her own husband makes herself not only sound like a total f-ckwad, but also extremely outdated: she thinks calling oneself a “bad mutha” is the “in” thing to do, I guess, because that’s what she is when she (wait for it)… raps while cooking.

From The Evening Standard:

The actress-turned-cook, has revealed a penchant for hip-hop music in the kitchen and said she likes to rap like a “bad mutha” while she is cooking up her “restorative” delicacies.

Paltrow, 40, claimed that while she raps along to every word, her Coldplay star husband Chris Martin prefers to cook in silence.

She told ES Magazine: “He can’t have background music on: it has to be 100?per?cent of his attention.

“But if he isn’t at home, I turn on the hip-hop — I’m like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.”

Just… no. Make it stop. Being “friends” with Jay-Z and Beyoncé (and I don’t even know how in the world that works) does not make you a “bad mutha”, which I assume she’s using as a substitute for the colloquial use of “hood” – or to be politically correct, “urban”. Not even f-cking Hov would make that possible. That comment just sounds something your mom would say as she tried to relate to you and your teenage friends – it just comes across as cringeworthy and a total mess. Quick, someone send more raw, vegan wheatgrass smoothie infusions – I think the lack of calories is really starting to atrophy Gwyneth’s brain.

LOL If You Ate Just Like Gwyneth Paltrow It Would Cost You $300 Per Day

Gwyneth Paltrow is known for her specific and sometimes peculiar eating habits. Her latest cookbook, It’s All Good, is hitting bookstores very soon. You too can make egg-free huevos rancheros!!!

We’ve already learned that it will cost you more than $4,000 to keep up with Gwyneth’s spring fashion choices, but according to Yahoo! estimates, it will cost you $300 per day to follow Ms. Paltrow’s recipes to a T.

Via Daily Mail:

Starting with breakfast, a spinach and mushroom egg-white omelette came in at $28.27.

Two of the pricier purchases included olive oil spray, $6.29, and duck eggs, which can be hard to find, and in this instance cost $1-a-piece from an unnamed store.

The recipe does state that hen eggs can be used as a budget-friendly alternative, but Yahoo wanted to do it the way ‘Paltrow would’.

Next up, for a morning-to-midday snack, sweet potato and five-spice muffins are one of many stomach-fillers suggested.

Gwyneth, 40, writes that the ‘super-tasty’ treats are ‘always a smashing success in my house.’

But at $44 for a batch of 12, one would hope they did get gobbled up and not left to go stale.

Gluten-free flour, $20, and xylitol (a natural sweetener), $10, were items that pushed the price up.

Lunch was the costliest meal to make. Gwyneth’s chopped salad with tuna and roasted piquillo peppers was billed at $119.38 – making dining out a cheaper alternative.

For the Spanish salad dressing Gwyneth suggests quince paste or ‘good-quality raw honey’ and Yahoo opted for Manuka honey at $25-a-jar.

The vegan dish, which serves six, is priced at $32.50, with quinoa flakes, $6, and Maple syrup, $14, being the main cost culprits.

All of the day’s food was washed down with coconut water, at $5 a pop.

LOL IT MUST BE SO FUN TO BE GWYNETH PALTROW! If you want to see every recipe broken down into cost of ingredient, check out the Daily Mail. But really, you don’t need to, just sit here in awe with us, jaw dropped.

Gwyneth Paltrow Continues To Annoy Chris Martin

gwyneth paltrow annoying chris martin

Gwyneth Paltrow apparently has no idea that her husband, Chris Martin, finds her annoying. Maybe now she’ll figure it out.

Mr. Martin wanted to buy a house for him and his Coldplay bandmates to practice and hang out in, or whatever musicians do. Think of it as a $4 million playhouse. But Ms. Paltrow was all, lol no.

From TMZ:

“Coldplay” frontman Chris Martin made an offer on a multi-million dollar home … but it’s not because there’s trouble in his macrobiotic marriage with wife Gwyneth Paltrow — he was buyin’ it for the boyz in the band.

Our real estate sources tell TMZ … Chris went into escrow on a 6,000 square-foot home in Brentwood, CA for just under $4 mil — a place his bandmates could live, with plenty of room to practice and record music.

Chris was so into the 6 bedroom mansion (above) … he not only brought two bandmates over for a look-see, he went to the second floor for a mini-concert to test the acoustics.

All was well … until Gwyneth got involved.  Seems the persnickety Oscar winner had issues with the inspection report and ordered Chris to nix the deal.

Okay, fine, maybe instead of being all lol, she was all, oh this inspection report is very troubling. And maybe Lindsay Lohan will volunteer jail time and be nominated for an Oscar for The Canyons.

I will be surprised if Chris Martin ever gets his Coldplay Clubhouse.

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants To Give You a Blow Job

gwyneth paltrow

No, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t want to give you a true BJ – sperm contains too many calories to be included in the Tracy Anderson method, of course – but she will give a shitload of money (the equivalent of about 25cents in PaltrowDollars) to her hairstylist David Babaii and trainer Tracy to open the David Babaii Blow Dry Bar in Brentwood, CA – in fact, right inside Tracy’s studio.

From People:

“It’s not just going to be a blowout bar,” Babaii tells PEOPLE of the new concept, opening April 4. “It’s going to be ‘Hey, why don’t we do this style with your new body? It’s more about your lifestyle. There’s no judgment.”

And true to Paltrow’s own healthy lifestyle, Babaii will be selling 14 products from his eponymous haircare line, which don’t have sulfates, parabens or petrochemicals and are all cruelty-free.

“It’s all about healthy ingredients, healthy products. And not getting something that you can do at home. It’s going to be a feel good bar,” the stylist says. “It’ll be cool. If you want that sleek, straight Gwyneth look, great! If you want the Kate Hudson bohemian waves, great!”

Uh, how about no? This is some shit that could only happen in LA because if you put it in New York (or anywhere else in the real world), it would be laughed at and shuttered by the end of the business day. Also, who in the hell would want Gwyneth’s hairstyle? If you’re one of the people who raised your hand to that question, just iron a bunch of straw and stick that on your head – voila, same effect and you can spend the money you would have at David Babaii’s on some goddamn therapy to restore your sanity for ever wanting anything Gwyneth Paltrow has.