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Gwyneth Paltrow

9Gwyneth Posts More Than $400k Worth Of Favorite Spring Fashion On Her Blog

Gwyneth Paltrow posted some of her favorite new spring items on her site, GOOP. We’ve blogged a lot about Ms. Paltrow lately; of her marriage, her gluten-free/basically everything-free diet, and health scares. None of this is with malicious intent.

There’s no real hate or anything for GPal. To quote our lovely Jennifer, “I like Gwyneth for comedic value. I think Lindy West got it spot on when she wrote: “Commitment to whimsy + clueless gusto + impenetrable privilege = the world’s best comedy.” Amen, sister.” I love her blissful ignorance, her assumption that people consider a Valentino iPad case a spring “must-have.”

So here you go. A fashion spread starring Gwyneth for Goop, featuring $458,003 worth of stuff from Net-A-Porter. The high cut shirt and orange shorts are a particular head-scratcher for me.


March 22, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

17Gwyneth Paltrow Talks More Shit, Claims Her Diet Changed Her Marriage to Chris Martin

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow must be as high as a kite from eating psychotropic herbs from her greenhouse garden or something. That’s the only excuse for the absolute shit she spews about her thoughts on food. First she admits that she deprives her kids of anything with gluten in it, and now she’s claiming that her “clean” eating made her “feel lighter and [her] emotions get smoother”, thereby improving her marriage to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Oh, brother.

From Self:

“I had a lot of unexpressed anger. I made everyone else’s feelings more important than my own. I’d suck it up and then be alone in my car yelling at traffic or fighting with hangers in my closet when they got stuck together.”

“You’re not learning anything unless you’re having the difficult conversations. Dealing with things directly changed my relationships. Sometimes when you get clear about who you are, others get less comfortable because they liked who you were. It’s changed my marriage, too, but he’s up for the challenge.”

Listen, there’s no doubt that what you eat and the overall lifestyle you live can have a massive effect on your moods and stuff, but I’ve gone nutso for a few months at a time and being really restrictive with what I eat and it didn’t improve my relationships or any of that shit. Mostly I had more energy and didn’t want to go to bed at 7pm, but I guess everyone is different. I just wish Gwyneth Paltrow would stop peddling this bullshit “diet” she follows that is not only COMPLETELY unhealthy, but not doable for most people. STOP THE MADNESS.

March 20, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

6Gwyneth Paltrow Nearly Died From a Miscarriage, Apparently

Gwyneth Paltrow lives on pete moss and lettuce water, but somehow she’s managed to give birth to two healthy (and gluten-deprived) kids with Chris Martin. However, the wheatgrass isn’t always green on Gwyn’s side of the fence, because it turns out she suffered a miscarriage when attempting to bring a third child into the world, and she doesn’t know whether she should try to get pregnant again.

From You:

“My children ask me to have a baby all the time. And you never know, I could squeeze one more in. I am missing my third. I’m thinking about it.

“I had a really bad experience when I was pregnant with my third. It didn’t work out and I nearly died. So I am like, ‘Are we good here or should we go back and try again?’”

Going through a miscarriage is an awful thing for anyone to go through, but I’m not being flippant when I question whether part of the reason she miscarries is that she barely eats anything and doesn’t take in nearly enough calories to sustain the pregnancy? I know she’s done it twice and all – and hopefully when she is pregnant, she throws away her 700 calorie per day Tracy Anderson bullshit – but given the illnesses she openly suffers from (osteoporosis, “gluten intolerance” and anemia come to mind, immediately), it’s not as surprising as perhaps it should be.

I like Gwyneth for comedic value. I think Lindy West got it spot on when she wrote: “Commitment to whimsy + clueless gusto + impenetrable privilege = the world’s best comedy.” Amen, sister. Here’s hoping Gwyneth ups her food intake and is soon no longer “missing [her] third”.

March 17, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

18Gwyneth Paltrow Decided That Her Entire Family Is Allergic To Everything

gwyneth paltrow leather

Gwyneth Paltrow decided that her entire family is allergic to everything including gluten, dairy, and eggs. Her children Apple, 8, and Moses, 6, are forbidden to have these foods as well as carbs like pasta, bread, or rice. Same goes for husband Chris Martin (Coldplay).

Ms. Paltrow discusses this in her latest cookbook, It’s All Good. The book promises “DELICIOUS, EASY RECIPES That will make you LOOK GOOD and FEEL GREAT.” Here’s the book’s description from Amazon:

Last spring, after a particularly grueling schedule and lapse of overindulgence, Gwyneth Paltrow was feeling fatigued and faint. A visit to her doctor revealed that she was anemic, vitamin D deficient, and that her stress levels were sky high. He prescribed an elimination diet to clear out her system and help her body heal. But this meant no coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, no shellfish, no deep-water fish, no wheat, no meat, no soy, nothing processed at all!

NO. COFFEE. I figured she had given up alcohol at this point, but no coffee?

In the book, she writes,

Every single nutritionist, doctor and health-conscious person I have ever come across…seems to concur that (gluten) is tough on the system and many of us are at best intolerant of it and at worst allergic to it.

Sometimes when my family is not eating pasta, bread or processed grains like white rice, we’re left with that specific hunger that comes with avoiding carbs.

Isn’t that your body’s way of telling you that maybe you should eat some carbs? I don’t mean a box of Cap’n Crunch Cereal with 6 slices of Wonder Bread here, Gwyneth. But she’s especially vigilant. She cites these foods as the reason for her major health scare, detailed in the intro of her cookbook, in which she thought she was having a stroke.

The New York Post (as reposted in The Daily Mail) tore apart the book, saying,

When we mere mortals feel faint and off-kilter and fear we’re having a major health emergency, and really we’ve just gotten too much sun or had too little to eat, we file away our crazy little moment among our embarrassing stories shared only with close friends and family. But when Gwyneth Paltrow has such an episode, she writes a cookbook. The book reads like the manifesto to some sort of creepy healthy-girl sorority with members who use beet juice rather than permanent marker to circle the ‘problem areas’ on each other’s bodies.

I will say, Ms. Paltrow is 40 and looks 10 years younger. But is it worth it? She also goes through intense workouts with Hollywood trainer Tracy Anderson. Entertainment Weekly picked up some choice quotes from an interview between them:

Anderson, after pulling down Paltrow’s pants said,

I thought she’d have a supermodel body, because she was so tiny on top. But her butt was long and lifeless, and she held on to weight in her outer thighs.

Wow, okay. And people wonder why women are so screwed up about their bodies.

It’s All Good comes out on April 2nd and features recipes for Huevos Rancheros (without eggs), Hummus Tartine with Scallion-Mint Pesto, Salmon Burgers with Pickled Ginger, Power Brownies, Banana “Ice Cream” and more, all Gwyneth approved.

March 13, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

2Gwyneth Paltrow Shows Humility

gwyneth paltrow ugly dresses alexander mcqueen

Gwyneth Paltrow, in an unlikely turn of events, showed humility when she confessed to her fashion missteps in her latest GOOP newsletter. GOOP is Ms. Paltrow’s website in which she shares her favorite things to do, eat, and wear, all of which are terribly expensive. Naw, but I can’t hate, if I had her money I would probably be out-of-touch with the common people too.

When asked,

Any fashion faux pas?

The A Perfect Murder star answered,

Well, I started being photographed in the 90′s so of course there are a few glaring ones. Two that come to mind are looks I wore to the Oscars in 2000 and 2002. The first is the Calvin Klein. It’s an okay dress but not Oscars material. I chose it because I wanted to disappear that year. Also, the goth Alexander McQueen I wore a few years later. There were a few issues; I still love the dress itself but I should have worn a bra and I should have just had simple beachy hair and less makeup. Then, it would have worked as I wanted it to – a little bit of punk at the Oscars.

I think we all remember the McQueen one in particular.

gwyneth paltrow oscar dress 2002 mcqueen

I remember her being relentlessly mocked for this dress. It got to the point of, “Oh my God, chill out everyone. Let’s not get all Shirley Jackson’s The Lottery on this.”

Anyway, super cool of the A Perfect Murder star to be real and own up to her embarrassing fashion moment.

Yes, I love A Perfect Murder. “We’ll work it out? .. You work it out on your f-cking own!!!” So good.

March 1, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

6Gwyneth Paltrow Wants to Be More Like Jessica Simpson: Uh, Okay?

Today in “LOL, yeah the f-ck right” news, apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is scaling back her acting ambitions to start working on building an empire like that of… Jessica Simpson? AHAHAHAH. I don’t know what’s funnier, Gwyn coveting Jessica’s life or the thought of either of them being the owners of “an empire”. Granted, Jessica does make bank on those ugly ass shoes she sells, but still. Gwyneth has apparently lost her love of making movies and found some for that bullshit Goop website she runs and making money off overpriced housewares that no one needs, apparently.

According to US Weekly:

Gwyneth Paltrow is giving up showbiz for, well, business. A source says that after the 33 Dias actress wraps her next few films, she will focus on growing her lifestyle website, Goop, and the fitness company she co-owns with trainer Tracy Anderson.

Paltrow is hoping to emulate the career of another multitalented star: Jessica Simpson! “She admires Jessica’s empire,” the source says of the Academy Award winner, 40. “She wants to make a killing.”

The two-time cookbook author’s rep says she has no plans to give up acting altogether, telling the Feb. 25 issue of Us Weekly, “She won’t quit acting. Her plan is to do one, maybe two supporting parts a year.”

Even so, the source cautions, “She’s lost her passion for movies.”

Well, I never had passion for movies she was in, so I guess that makes us even now. There’s no way this story is true, but it’s still pretty hilarious to picture ol’ Gwyny sipping away at her first cup of liquified field moss of the day and daydreaming about being the next Jessica Simpson.

February 19, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer