Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

LOL If You Ate Just Like Gwyneth Paltrow It Would Cost You $300 Per Day

Gwyneth Paltrow is known for her specific and sometimes peculiar eating habits. Her latest cookbook, It’s All Good, is hitting bookstores very soon. You too can make egg-free huevos rancheros!!!

We’ve already learned that it will cost you more than $4,000 to keep up with Gwyneth’s spring fashion choices, but according to Yahoo! estimates, it will cost you $300 per day to follow Ms. Paltrow’s recipes to a T.

Via Daily Mail:

Starting with breakfast, a spinach and mushroom egg-white omelette came in at $28.27.

Two of the pricier purchases included olive oil spray, $6.29, and duck eggs, which can be hard to find, and in this instance cost $1-a-piece from an unnamed store.

The recipe does state that hen eggs can be used as a budget-friendly alternative, but Yahoo wanted to do it the way ‘Paltrow would’.

Next up, for a morning-to-midday snack, sweet potato and five-spice muffins are one of many stomach-fillers suggested.

Gwyneth, 40, writes that the ‘super-tasty’ treats are ‘always a smashing success in my house.’

But at $44 for a batch of 12, one would hope they did get gobbled up and not left to go stale.

Gluten-free flour, $20, and xylitol (a natural sweetener), $10, were items that pushed the price up.

Lunch was the costliest meal to make. Gwyneth’s chopped salad with tuna and roasted piquillo peppers was billed at $119.38 – making dining out a cheaper alternative.

For the Spanish salad dressing Gwyneth suggests quince paste or ‘good-quality raw honey’ and Yahoo opted for Manuka honey at $25-a-jar.

The vegan dish, which serves six, is priced at $32.50, with quinoa flakes, $6, and Maple syrup, $14, being the main cost culprits.

All of the day’s food was washed down with coconut water, at $5 a pop.

LOL IT MUST BE SO FUN TO BE GWYNETH PALTROW! If you want to see every recipe broken down into cost of ingredient, check out the Daily Mail. But really, you don’t need to, just sit here in awe with us, jaw dropped.

Gwyneth Paltrow Continues To Annoy Chris Martin

gwyneth paltrow annoying chris martin

Gwyneth Paltrow apparently has no idea that her husband, Chris Martin, finds her annoying. Maybe now she’ll figure it out.

Mr. Martin wanted to buy a house for him and his Coldplay bandmates to practice and hang out in, or whatever musicians do. Think of it as a $4 million playhouse. But Ms. Paltrow was all, lol no.

From TMZ:

“Coldplay” frontman Chris Martin made an offer on a multi-million dollar home … but it’s not because there’s trouble in his macrobiotic marriage with wife Gwyneth Paltrow — he was buyin’ it for the boyz in the band.

Our real estate sources tell TMZ … Chris went into escrow on a 6,000 square-foot home in Brentwood, CA for just under $4 mil — a place his bandmates could live, with plenty of room to practice and record music.

Chris was so into the 6 bedroom mansion (above) … he not only brought two bandmates over for a look-see, he went to the second floor for a mini-concert to test the acoustics.

All was well … until Gwyneth got involved.  Seems the persnickety Oscar winner had issues with the inspection report and ordered Chris to nix the deal.

Okay, fine, maybe instead of being all lol, she was all, oh this inspection report is very troubling. And maybe Lindsay Lohan will volunteer jail time and be nominated for an Oscar for The Canyons.

I will be surprised if Chris Martin ever gets his Coldplay Clubhouse.

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants To Give You a Blow Job

gwyneth paltrow

No, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t want to give you a true BJ – sperm contains too many calories to be included in the Tracy Anderson method, of course – but she will give a shitload of money (the equivalent of about 25cents in PaltrowDollars) to her hairstylist David Babaii and trainer Tracy to open the David Babaii Blow Dry Bar in Brentwood, CA – in fact, right inside Tracy’s studio.

From People:

“It’s not just going to be a blowout bar,” Babaii tells PEOPLE of the new concept, opening April 4. “It’s going to be ‘Hey, why don’t we do this style with your new body? It’s more about your lifestyle. There’s no judgment.”

And true to Paltrow’s own healthy lifestyle, Babaii will be selling 14 products from his eponymous haircare line, which don’t have sulfates, parabens or petrochemicals and are all cruelty-free.

“It’s all about healthy ingredients, healthy products. And not getting something that you can do at home. It’s going to be a feel good bar,” the stylist says. “It’ll be cool. If you want that sleek, straight Gwyneth look, great! If you want the Kate Hudson bohemian waves, great!”

Uh, how about no? This is some shit that could only happen in LA because if you put it in New York (or anywhere else in the real world), it would be laughed at and shuttered by the end of the business day. Also, who in the hell would want Gwyneth’s hairstyle? If you’re one of the people who raised your hand to that question, just iron a bunch of straw and stick that on your head – voila, same effect and you can spend the money you would have at David Babaii’s on some goddamn therapy to restore your sanity for ever wanting anything Gwyneth Paltrow has.

Even Chris Martin Thinks Gwyneth Paltrow Is Annoying

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

You know you’re one annoying motherf-cker when even your husband is worried about how much you’re getting on people’s nerves. I mean, let’s face it – Gwyneth Paltrow, in the past month alone, has posted her “favourite things” online which total over $400k, told the world that she won’t let her kids eat anything with gluten in it despite them being KIDS who NEED NUTRITION and even admitted that she finds herself to be a threat to other women. In other words: f-ck off, Gwyneth Paltrow. In any case, her hub and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin (who I LOVE, by the way – and no, I’m not sorry) is said to be, uh, a bit concerned about how awful the woman he’s married to seems to be.

From Closer (via DigitalSpy):

A source said to Closer: “Chris tells her she’s too righteous sometimes and that she needs to think before she starts preaching. But he’s the same. It’s like they are out to save the world.”

They continued: “She’s convinced people are just envious of her lifestyle and the fact that she’s discovered how to live well.

“Gwyneth gets herself in hot water as she can’t help herself. She’s a preacher over diet, exercise, meditation and how to raise kids – she thinks people want to hear about her glam lifestyle.

“She’s totally clueless about how much she annoys people.”

Aw, bless. Obviously she’s clueless as to how unbearable she is, otherwise I assume she’d make an effort to be, you know, a lot less annoying. Unless, of course, you’re that much of a G that you don’t give a f-ck about who hates you, which would almost be better in this case. As for Chris Martin being just as annoying, I refuse to believe it! I know Coldplay gets a lot of shit, but we went to see their Mylo Xyloto stadium tour last summer and it was absolutely brilliant in every way – and that’s coming from someone who wasn’t a massive Coldplay fan before going. That’s not to say someone can’t be annoying personally and yet really brilliant artistically (I see you, the 10% of Hollywood that’s actually talented), but he’s always struck me as a pretty down-to-earth guy.

Gwyneth Posts More Than $400k Worth Of Favorite Spring Fashion On Her Blog

Gwyneth Paltrow posted some of her favorite new spring items on her site, GOOP. We’ve blogged a lot about Ms. Paltrow lately; of her marriage, her gluten-free/basically everything-free diet, and health scares. None of this is with malicious intent.

There’s no real hate or anything for GPal. To quote our lovely Jennifer, “I like Gwyneth for comedic value. I think Lindy West got it spot on when she wrote: “Commitment to whimsy + clueless gusto + impenetrable privilege = the world’s best comedy.” Amen, sister.” I love her blissful ignorance, her assumption that people consider a Valentino iPad case a spring “must-have.”

So here you go. A fashion spread starring Gwyneth for Goop, featuring $458,003 worth of stuff from Net-A-Porter. The high cut shirt and orange shorts are a particular head-scratcher for me.


Gwyneth Paltrow Talks More Shit, Claims Her Diet Changed Her Marriage to Chris Martin

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow must be as high as a kite from eating psychotropic herbs from her greenhouse garden or something. That’s the only excuse for the absolute shit she spews about her thoughts on food. First she admits that she deprives her kids of anything with gluten in it, and now she’s claiming that her “clean” eating made her “feel lighter and [her] emotions get smoother”, thereby improving her marriage to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Oh, brother.

From Self:

“I had a lot of unexpressed anger. I made everyone else’s feelings more important than my own. I’d suck it up and then be alone in my car yelling at traffic or fighting with hangers in my closet when they got stuck together.”

“You’re not learning anything unless you’re having the difficult conversations. Dealing with things directly changed my relationships. Sometimes when you get clear about who you are, others get less comfortable because they liked who you were. It’s changed my marriage, too, but he’s up for the challenge.”

Listen, there’s no doubt that what you eat and the overall lifestyle you live can have a massive effect on your moods and stuff, but I’ve gone nutso for a few months at a time and being really restrictive with what I eat and it didn’t improve my relationships or any of that shit. Mostly I had more energy and didn’t want to go to bed at 7pm, but I guess everyone is different. I just wish Gwyneth Paltrow would stop peddling this bullshit “diet” she follows that is not only COMPLETELY unhealthy, but not doable for most people. STOP THE MADNESS.

Gwyneth Paltrow Nearly Died From a Miscarriage, Apparently

Gwyneth Paltrow lives on pete moss and lettuce water, but somehow she’s managed to give birth to two healthy (and gluten-deprived) kids with Chris Martin. However, the wheatgrass isn’t always green on Gwyn’s side of the fence, because it turns out she suffered a miscarriage when attempting to bring a third child into the world, and she doesn’t know whether she should try to get pregnant again.

From You:

“My children ask me to have a baby all the time. And you never know, I could squeeze one more in. I am missing my third. I’m thinking about it.

“I had a really bad experience when I was pregnant with my third. It didn’t work out and I nearly died. So I am like, ‘Are we good here or should we go back and try again?’”

Going through a miscarriage is an awful thing for anyone to go through, but I’m not being flippant when I question whether part of the reason she miscarries is that she barely eats anything and doesn’t take in nearly enough calories to sustain the pregnancy? I know she’s done it twice and all – and hopefully when she is pregnant, she throws away her 700 calorie per day Tracy Anderson bullshit – but given the illnesses she openly suffers from (osteoporosis, “gluten intolerance” and anemia come to mind, immediately), it’s not as surprising as perhaps it should be.

I like Gwyneth for comedic value. I think Lindy West got it spot on when she wrote: “Commitment to whimsy + clueless gusto + impenetrable privilege = the world’s best comedy.” Amen, sister. Here’s hoping Gwyneth ups her food intake and is soon no longer “missing [her] third”.