No, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t want to give you a true BJ – sperm contains too many calories to be included in the Tracy Anderson method, of course – but she will give a shitload of money (the equivalent of about 25cents in PaltrowDollars) to her hairstylist David Babaii and trainer Tracy to open the David Babaii Blow Dry Bar in Brentwood, CA – in fact, right inside Tracy’s studio.
“It’s not just going to be a blowout bar,” Babaii tells PEOPLE of the new concept, opening April 4. “It’s going to be ‘Hey, why don’t we do this style with your new body? It’s more about your lifestyle. There’s no judgment.”
And true to Paltrow’s own healthy lifestyle, Babaii will be selling 14 products from his eponymous haircare line, which don’t have sulfates, parabens or petrochemicals and are all cruelty-free.
“It’s all about healthy ingredients, healthy products. And not getting something that you can do at home. It’s going to be a feel good bar,” the stylist says. “It’ll be cool. If you want that sleek, straight Gwyneth look, great! If you want the Kate Hudson bohemian waves, great!”
Uh, how about no? This is some shit that could only happen in LA because if you put it in New York (or anywhere else in the real world), it would be laughed at and shuttered by the end of the business day. Also, who in the hell would want Gwyneth’s hairstyle? If you’re one of the people who raised your hand to that question, just iron a bunch of straw and stick that on your head – voila, same effect and you can spend the money you would have at David Babaii’s on some goddamn therapy to restore your sanity for ever wanting anything Gwyneth Paltrow has.