I know: you guys are thinking, “God, as if I needed another reason, Sarah?”
These are photos of Eva Mendes being all domestic and shopping for things like flowers and Pyrex baking dishes, and I could completely vomit at how beautiful her stupid face is even without its stupid makeup on. It’s like, come on. Stop bragging, Eva. We already know you’re beautiful as it is, and we already know how damn lucky you are because you get to sleep next to (oh, and with) Ryan Gosling night in and night out, and now you really have to go and stick in our faces how lovely your face is first thing in the morning? I guess it’s all that Ryan Gosling-sex, you’re right. If any of us woke up next to Ryan Gosling in the morning, we’d probably look this good, too. You make a good point.
Also, I happened to notice that girl’s got eggs, flour, and bagged frozen fruit in the basket, so I’m going to surmise that she’s going to bake her man, Ryan Gosling, a fruit cobbler. And I have just THE BEST recipe for fruit cobbler, and it’s been tested. Recently. I made it last week, and it was so amazing that I had to fight with myself (almost physically) to not eat the entire thing. It was that. good.
So, you know, Eva, if you’re looking for some tips on how to bake a man-catching cobbler, just, you know, give me your passcode to Ryan’s house and I’ll whip it up nice and good for him. I definitely won’t be telling you how I’m totally planning on changing the code once I’m in so that you’re unable to barge in and interrupt what’s sure to be a lovely night of cobbler and candlelight (and I just bought the most darling taper candles), accusing me of sabotaging your plans and stealing your ideas, because really. Where would that leave me, then? I’ll tell you where: on the shitty side of a restraining order, duh.
June 12, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
[Image removed on request]
Damn. Damn, damn, damn. See, we’d gone almost an entire thirty days without seeing new photographs of these two walking next to one another, and I’d almost begun to trick myself into thinking that Ryan had up and dumped Eva because she was pressuring him to have babies.
Here we have photos of Ryan and Eva departing from LAX yesterday afternoon, presumably jet-setting to somewhere fabulous like Thailand or France or Spain to enjoy the carnal pleasures of one another. And all insubstantial jealousy aside? These two are … God, they’re so hot. The two of them. Eva is so effortlessly chic and fashionable and hot, and Ryan is so mysterious-looking and handsome and hot AND looks like he smells positively amazing.
I don’t care for Eva Mendes much—and I think I’ve made that pretty clear in the past—but I just can’t deny anymore that there’s got to be something to this … this lady. There’s got to be for Ryan to be allowing her to hold onto him for this long, anyway.
[Images removed on request]
June 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Sarah
From Star via Celebitchy:
It might be time for Ryan Gosling to put or shut up with girlfriend Eva Mendes, as the stunning actress is demanding a little Gosling from the Hollywood hunk.
“Eva has given Ryan an ultimatum. She told Ryan she wants a baby with him, and that if he isn’t prepared to do that, they should split up,” a source tells Star.
Eva, 38, has told multiple friends she is off the Pill and ready to become a mom. “Eva’s clock is ticking,” says the source. “She’s been aching to start a family for a few years – and even seriously looked into adoption in the summer of 2010. But now she and Ryan are together, and he’s mature beyond his years and great with kids.”
Eva believes that Ryan, 31, will be an amazing father and that the timing is right because they are in a committed relationship.
“He’s loyal and not a skirt-chaser,” the source says. But that doesn’t mean Ryan’s totally on board himself. “Ryan loves Eva, but he isn’t ready for a baby right now – he’s concentrating on his career,” the source explains. And that may just put an abrupt end to the adorable couple.
“Eva’s considering her options. If Ryan doesn’t change his mind, this could end up destroying their relationship.”
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have been dating since around September of last year. That means that they’ve been dating right around nine months. Is nine months seriously long enough for anyone to be like “listen, if you don’t impregnate me, I’m out”? Because I’m thinking no.
And I still don’t know if I can believe this story or not. It’s from Star, I know, but sometimes they get it right. And this story does have the same vibe that I get from Eva in general, which is something like “uuuuugh” and “get your filthy hands off of Ryan Gosling.” But the most believable part, I think would have to be the part where Ryan’s not really into it. Because he totally wouldn’t be into it. Right?
June 1, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
I figured I’d start off with a quote from Eva Mendes on today’s ‘YDG,’ because it’s just so damn fitting:
“I’m feeling a little insecure because I can’t help but be super conscious of what I’m saying because I’m so protective. That’s the most precious thing to me. And I’m so protective and I just felt my guard go up.”
That was from a recent interview with USA Today, where Eva actually talked about Ryan and spilled why she was playing so coy during her most recent ‘Ellen’ show appearance.
… You don’t think, like, these two are going to get married or anything, do you? Because I don’t think I could handle it if they did. Not even because, you know, I’m definitely unabashedly jealous of the fact that Eva Mendes gets to HAVE SEX with Ryan Gosling and be subjected to RYAN GOSLING’S MORNING BREATH and ROLL HER EYES when he SHAVES IN THE SINK AND LEAVES WHISKERS ALL OVER THE SURFACE OF IT because ffs, it’s Ryan Gosling. Who cares if he leaves whiskers all over the damn sink and it takes twenty minutes to get them all up? Please! You’ve just got to suck it up and take the good with the bad, because the good is really, really good.
God, I can’t believe Eva even had the balls to be complaining about Ryan’s personal grooming habits! God! What a bitch!
May 11, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Earlier in the day, we brought you the best, prettiest, most lovely ladies of the 2012 Met Gala, and now, we move on to the really fun part: the worst-dressed list.
In this edition, we have Claire Danes and Melania Trump, both of which look like they locked themselves in a tanning bed a la Tanning Mom; Christina Ricci, who, to distract us from the ugly-ass tattoo on her shoulder stuck a big, gigantor bow on her ass; Eva Mendes because she’s a twat and HA! HA! HA! she looks like she’s wearing an off-the-rack prom dress from 1995; Karolina Kurkova, who got a sneaky little joke memo telling her that this year’s Gala was Cheap Flapper themed; and an honorable mention in Kate Upton, who should know to never, never apply her makeup with a stun gun. Laws, that’s bad.
#5 – Claire Danes
#4 – Christina Ricci
#3 – Eva Mendes
#2 – Karolina Kurkova
#1 – Melania Trump
Who looked the worst?
May 8, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
UGH HOW I HATE THIS WOMAN.
No, that’s rude and it’s all sorts of wrong to say that you hate someone, especially when it’s out of pure jealousy. My parents raised me better than that, so I guess all I can say is
I HATE THIS WOMAN WHAT A STUPID STUPID WOMAN.
As you can see, Eva Mendes was on the Ellen show, where Ellen gifted her with footie pajamas (which both called “onesies,” but come on! Onesies are baby undergarments, duh!), and then coyly hinted around that if she ever happened to run into Ryan Gosling for the first time ever, that Mendes should give him a corresponding pair of footie pajamas. Eva hid her face in her long, lustrous hair, and giggled and chortled like it was going out of f-cking style (and it was. It really, really was). In the segment, she later teased the audience by saying, “OK, yes, I’ll give them to him if I happen to run into him somewhere tonight for the first time ever.”