UGH HOW I HATE THIS WOMAN.
No, that’s rude and it’s all sorts of wrong to say that you hate someone, especially when it’s out of pure jealousy. My parents raised me better than that, so I guess all I can say is
I HATE THIS WOMAN WHAT A STUPID STUPID WOMAN.
As you can see, Eva Mendes was on the Ellen show, where Ellen gifted her with footie pajamas (which both called “onesies,” but come on! Onesies are baby undergarments, duh!), and then coyly hinted around that if she ever happened to run into Ryan Gosling for the first time ever, that Mendes should give him a corresponding pair of footie pajamas. Eva hid her face in her long, lustrous hair, and giggled and chortled like it was going out of f-cking style (and it was. It really, really was). In the segment, she later teased the audience by saying, “OK, yes, I’ll give them to him if I happen to run into him somewhere tonight for the first time ever.”
May 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
Oh please let this be true, please let this be true.
From the Daily Mail:
The six-month romance between Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes has hit a rocky patch. Last week, the handsome Drive star was spotted having dinner in Cape Town with a German model. Ryan, 31, has been staying at the One And Only Hotel in the South African city after telling friends he needed some time ‘to think’.
A source says the couple ‘are having trouble seeing eye to eye’ He had flown there without 38-year-old Eva and was seen dining with a blonde at the Grand Cafe, a fashionable beachside haunt. ‘Ryan and Eva are having trouble seeing eye to eye,’ says a mole. ‘He was having dinner with a blonde model who said she was from Berlin. He tried to disguise himself with a woolly hat and scarf and seemed eager not to be noticed as they sat at a beach table, but he was clearly entranced by her.’
Ryan and Eva met on the thriller The Place Beyond The Pines, which is due out later this year, and producers fear they may announce a break-up before the promotional tour. Last night a spokesman for Eva insisted the pair were still together.
Oh yes. Oh thank you God. I don’t know who this fabled model is, but hopefully she’s got an iota’s-worth of intellect to her so that we can be happy with the woman Ryan‘s chosen to settle with, however temporarily (no doubt it’ll be temporarily). And a “spokesman for Eva” said that the pair was “still together”? Funny, considering it was never officially confirmed that they were even dating. I mean, yeah, obviously, they were, but sounds to me like someone’s on a damage-control rampage, and that someone definitely doth protest too much.
Wonder what’s going to happen to Eva after all of this blows over, you know? And if this whole dating-a-model thing doesn’t work out, who do you think Ryan should set his sights on next? Leave it in the comments and we can vote for the best. Wouldn’t it be great if it were someone like, I don’t know, ? Or, ooh! Ooh! Zooey Deschanel! How about that one?
March 11, 2012 at 11:00 am by Sarah
“He’s your dream costar. I have never felt so creatively satisfied on a film.”
Yes, Eva Mendes actually said this. Out loud. To a magazine. About her … boyfriend. I mean, to be fair, she also said this:
“When I am complimented on things that I didn’t like when I was 13, like my overbite and my mole, that’s when you realize that your imperfections are why people love you.”
So, apparently Ryan loves her because it’s constantly like being jerked off, and because she’s got ONE HOT MOLE and ONE HOT OVERBITE? I mean, has anyone ever come up to you post-adolescence and said “I just love what you’ve done with your acne scars and saddlebags.” Come on. This is all she’s got here?
Excuse me if I’m not doing backflips of belief here, guys, but let’s be real for a second. I think I’d honestly rather sit through sixteen of Jennifer Aniston’s attempts at replicating magazine interview after magazine interview than try to swallow this saccharine bullshit in one try.
Get with it lady: if you and Gosling ever split up (which, given the circumstances and the vast differences between your careers, is a big, big probability), you’re not doing anything more than Ghost Rider IV: The Return of Nicolas Cage’s All-Powerful Career. And maybe the occasional Parade, you lucky girl, you.
February 7, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
No, no – we don’t wish that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis would snap it off (generally). But in light of all of the lost love in the world, we decided to compile a list of 5 couples that we wish the ultimate demise upon: the big breakup. What with Seal and Heidi Klum calling it quits, and Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis (and, of course, you can’t forget – sniff, sniff – Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries), we thought it prudent to really stick it to those who deserve it, rather than those who should just be together for the rest of their lives for the public’s sake.
In no particular order, The List:
#5 – Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison
OK, no one’s going to disagree with me on this one, right? Their relationship, frankly speaking, is weird and unnatural and honestly, pretty damn gross. Not that I, you know, sit around and fantasize about celebrities having sex (I do have other things to do, my friends), but even trying to think about these two in the sack takes my appetite away. And that’s a hard, hard thing to do these days, guys.
#4 – Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes
Because, duh. Who wants to continue seeing these two sucking face all over chic European countries and West Coast bistros? Not this girl, that’s for damn sure. Ryan needs to go back to his roots of down-home sweetness and women with genteel manners and … I don’t know, f-cking hoop skirts or something. Eva Mendes is just not where all that is at.
#3 – Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
I don’t know about you guys, but it seems to me that Jennifer only dates a high-ish profile man is when she’s in the throes of promoting one of her films. As far as I know, she doesn’t have anything important coming down the line as of yet, so I fully expect these two to completely drop off the radar sometime in 2012. Plus, Jennifer Aniston is just (more) annoying (than usual) when she’s dating anyone, really. Sorry, girl, but some people just aren’t meant to be.
*Image courtesy of Celebuzz
#2 – Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart
Again, I don’t want to wish ill upon anyone and their, you know, “true love that transcends age, generation, and backup dancer syndrome,” but this is just silly. I realize that J. Lo is a big girl and can string along a young kid if she wants, throwing money at him all the while like she’s the female P. Diddy, but they’ve only been dating for something like weeks now and I’m already sick of hearing about them. Go and celebrate and get married and disappear forever, guys, or break the hell up and get off my mind.
#1 – Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick
I don’t know, is it in poor taste to wish relational demise upon a woman who’s expecting a child? I don’t think so, considering who she’s with. I’m not a big Kardashian-lover as it is, but if there’s anyone who’s bad news, it’s the American Psycho-looking Scott Disick, who always seems to be just one mildly angry outburst away from relapsing into full-blown alcoholism and mirror-smashing. You wanna raise your kiddos around a ticking time-bomb, Kourt? I sure wouldn’t.
What about you guys – anyone in Hollywood you’d like to see cut their ties this year? Anyone on this list you hope lasts, you know, forever and ever?
January 24, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Look, it’s Ryan Gosling, and he’s barefoot again! Although that’s kind of gross, I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed. Even if those big feet were covered in asphalt seeds and bits of broken glass that somehow came dislodged from the calluses of his heels, he could stay in my bed forever. Honestly. Even if he accidentally stepped in a puddle of God-knows-what, all he’d have to do is put some clean socks on and hop in.
It’s actually kind of amazing what clean socks can do for otherwise nasty feet. I was at the 2005 Mardi Gras and good GOD you should have seen my feet after an entire eighteen hours straight on Bourbon Street and the surrounding area. I’d unwisely worn open-toed sandals (it was my first MG, cut me a break) and by the time I’d gotten back to the hotel, I was so drunk and tired and full of jambalaya that instead of hopping in the shower like a good girl, I threw on a pair of socks and hit the sack. It’s not as if I was in the bed long enough to really gum things up – I think I only slept a total of three hours that particular night, ’til it was time to get up, shower, head to breakfast and do it all over again. And again.
So yeah. Right. Ryan Gosling could totally pull that sock trick with me, and I guarantee that I wouldn’t ever judge him for it. He’s too cute, and the pictures just make my heart so happy.
But then, it’s like, oh, look, Eva Mendes did another movie, and it’s called Girl in Progress. Is that anything like Girl, Interrupted? But no, I suppose it’s not. Here’s the official synopsis:
Grace (Eva Mendes) is a single mom. She is too busy juggling work, bills, and the very married Dr. Hartford (Matthew Modine), to give her daughter, Ansiedad (Cierra Ramirez) the attention she desperately needs. When Ansiedad’s English teacher, Ms. Armstrong (Patricia Arquette), introduces her students to classic coming-of-age stories, Ansiedad is inspired to skip adolescence and jump-start her life without mom. While Grace becomes preoccupied with the increasing affections of her co-worker (Eugenio Derbez), Ansiedad enlists the help of her loyal friend, Tavita (Raini Rodriguez), to plot her shortcut to “adulthood”. But as her misguided plan unravels, Ansiedad and Grace must learn that sometimes growing-up means acting your age.
The trailer’s down below, but don’t worry – I’ve followed it immediately with another few photos of Ryan Gosling coming out from training. That should wash the bad taste out of your mouth. A little bit, anyway.
January 10, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Oh, and Eva Mendes. Because Eva Mendes is dating Ryan Gosling and she’s definitely sleeping with him because they’re serious enough that she shows up for a quick appearance in this video with him. Oh no, I didn’t just ruin this, did I?
I highly doubt it. Because few things are as lovable as Funny or Die’s Drunk History series, few works of Christmas art are as well known as “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas,” and few things are as creepy as the thought of Jim Carrey dressed as Santa Claus and breaking into your house. This video has everything.