Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Emile Hirsch

Emile Hirsch charged with assault after choking a Paramount studio exec

emile hirsch

Whoa, who knew Emile Hirsch was such a raging asshole? I mean, who knew much of anything about Emile Hirsch, I know, but this violent streak sorta came out of nowhere. The Into the Wild actor was charged with third degree felony assault after an incident at the Sundance Film Festival last month in Utah in which he got way too drunk, started harassing a female Paramount film exec and eventually attacked her rather severely. He faces up to 5 years in prison.

Here’s the scoop from TMZ:

Law enforcement tells us … around 3:52 AM on January 25th, cops responded to an assault call at Tao nightclub in Park City.

According to police, “Hirsch appeared intoxicated and asked [movie exec Daniele Bernfeld] why she looked ‘so tough’ and said she was a ‘rich kid’ who should not be at Sundance.”

Bernfeld told police … she moved away from Hirsch to go sit with a friend at a table — and moments later, Hirsch came up from behind her and “put her in a chokehold.”

Then, Bernfeld claims Hirsch “pulled her across the table and onto the floor” and landed on top of her.

While on top, he allegedly wrapped his hands around her neck and began to choke her. She said she felt as though “the front and back of her throat were touching and she remembers things going dark.”

Bernfeld says 2 bystanders eventually pulled Hirsch off of her.

When cops arrived, they spoke with Hirsch who claimed he was in a “verbal confrontation” with Bernfeld and admitted to having 3 or 4 drinks that night. Cops say he appeared wasted — glossy eyes, slurred speech, poor balance, etc.

When cops spoke with Bernfeld, they noticed redness on her neck and upper chest — which appeared to corroborate her story.

Apparently Hirsch’s lawyer has since issued a statement on the allegations, but his defense is what you’d expect from such a violent dickhead:

Hirsch’s spokesperson, Robert Offer, tells TMZ, “Emile consumed an enormous amount of alcohol on the evening in question and he has no memory of what happened.”  Law enforcement confirms Emile and the witnesses were highly intoxicated and Emile has been cooperative.

Offer adds, “Emile takes these allegations very seriously, and is devastated that any of this has occurred. A few days after the incident, Emile sought help and checked himself into an alcohol rehabilitation facility, where he remains today, to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.”

Send him down, please and thanks. Being a drunk doesn’t give you the right to harass other people and then attack them for not rising to your bullshit. Get out of here.

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Want to See Emile Hirsch’s Penis?

photo of emile hirsch penis pictures
Of course you do. I don’t think it’d really matter *who* I put in a headline asking “Want to see [fill in the blank]‘s penis”, because the answer would pretty much always be yes, and you’d be yes-ing either because you have a morbid curiosity (like wanting to see what Doug Hutchison‘s penis looks like; don’t pretend you don’t, it’s OK) or you have the hots for the dude and want to see just what kind of equipment he’s packing. And guys, it’s alright. I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly fine to be curious about your peers’ genitalia, and I’m also here to indulge it.

That’s why I’ve left a NSFW photo of Emile Hirsch and his penis (which isn’t doing anything hot; it’s just peeing in a potted plant) outside a club in L.A. last night. I guess he just really had to go.

I don’t judge. You’re welcome.

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Jessica Biel Climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, May Also Be Single

Okay, stupid Jessica Biel. After all these years, you have finally done something to impress me. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like you one bit, but I will give you credit here. Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro is a pretty decent accomplishment.

Jess and some friends, including Emile Hirsch and Elizabeth Gore, summitted the highest peak in Africa (at nearly 20,000 feet) in an effort to raise awareness about the need for clean drinking water in third-world countries. I mean, most celebs attend fundraisers or play in a charity poker tournament or sing on a naval vessel or whatever, and that’s awesome and all, but dragging your ass up a fucking mountain like that takes some balls. I work out regularly, but this summer my dad made me hike up a three-mile mountain and, despite the fact that we were walking at a slow pace and the weather was perfect, I was so unhappy I basically cried for the last two miles. It was painful stuff. So, ya know, color me impressed, Jess. Job well done. I’d say I wouldn’t talk shit about you for a couple weeks as a congratulatory gift, but the truth is you’re never in the news anyway. I mean, all you had to do to get this headline was be just a little more famous than Emile Hirsch.

Although Jess might be making headlines in the coming weeks, because word on the street is that she and J. Timberlake are officially dunzo. Justin had publicly promised to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro with Jess, but not only did he not climb it, he spent the weekend beatboxing in Wyoming. Now, I can’t say I blame the guy for not wanting to hike 20,000 feet in the snow, but one would think he’d at least be somewhere near Africa to support his ladyfriend. The beatboxing in Tanzania’s just as good as the stuff in Wyoming, I’d assume.