You can’t shit for Grammy news today, it seems, and all of it is boring me into a coma… except this. Ellen DeGeneres got more than a little peek at Katy Perry‘s boobs at last night’s ceremony and seemed to like it – and Portia de Rossi thinks it’s hilarious! So much is great about this photo. Obviously it’s a bit of friendly banter and Ellen and Portia are totally in love forever, but I just love that it was even taken. How did this photo op come about? How great does Portia’s hair look? How much of a perv is Ellen? So many questions!
And I’m pretty sure that’s the most wonderful sentence I’ve ever written.
Russell Brand, who I actually really, really adore, made the video to celebrate the fact that Ellen‘s talk show has been on television for ten years. Did you know that? It’s obviously an easy fact to check, but it just doesn’t seem like nearly that long, does it? I’m going to take that as a sign of Ellen’s sheer greatness.
But ok, this cat video. This is just completely and totally amazing. I realize that we don’t all have the same opinion on cats, or on Russell Brand, for that matter, but can you cat haters and Russell Brand haters also recognize how perfect this video is? Probably not, huh? And that’s so very sad.
And you know that I can’t let an entire post about a cat video go by without me showing you guys a picture of mine:
This is what happens on my lap every single night. The big one, Archie, has always been really sweet and affectionate, and little JoBangles has always been sweet as well, but in the past couple of weeks he’s taken to sitting on my lap every single time I’m sitting down. He’ll just sit with me for so long, and when I’m washing dishes or folding laundry or whatever, he’ll stand by my feet and wait for me to be done so I can pick him up again. And those are some of the wonders of being a cat lady. Russell understands.
Well allegedly, yes, but it’s not exactly a rehash of her old days of Ellen grandeur. No, Ellen Degeneres, a lady I love so dearly, is in the process of producing a new sitcom, which will be sure to light the fires of Ellen-appreciation in a totally new generation.
From the Hollywood Reporter:
NBC has given a script order to an untitled single-camera comedy from Lauren Pomerantz centering on a proudly independent 32-year-old single woman.
Pomerantz, who serves as a writer and producer on the Telepictures’ syndicated Ellen, will write and executive produce. DeGeneres, through her A Very Good Production shingle, also will serve as an executive producer on the Warner Bros. Television comedy.
The effort centers on a successful woman who notices that she’s listed as a “single woman” on the paperwork for the house she’s about to close on and becomes convinced that she just doomed herself to die alone. As a result, she turns to her friends, family and a therapist to convince her she didn’t make a huge mistake.
So I’ll be honest—I’m a little bummed that it isn’t Ellen 2.0, but then again, how could it be? It’d be like trying to bring back Mad About You or some shit, and you know that it just wouldn’t be the same, even if they got all the same cast to portray their respective characters all over again, right?
One thing that would be pretty awesome? A, you know, Dawson’s Creek reunion, because yes, I’m halfway through Season 4 and going strong. Also, I heard some bad news from a spoiler-friend and that spoiler friend told me—SPOILER ALERT—that Dawson’s dad is killed in a car accident in Season 5. Can I tell you how much I’m dreading this already? Not only seeing Mitch’s final appearance (because I do enjoy him so, so much), but the possibility of having to see this all over again?:
Oh, how I wish this was actually happening. How I wish that Ellen was recording Fifty Shades of Grey in its entirety, working her special brand of magic all over that mess. Sadly, I don’t think it’s going to happen. But we still have this little video to show us what could have been.
Ok, listen: I started reading the first book last night. And it’s amazing. I’m only on the third chapter, but Ana/Bella has gone on about how beautiful Christian/Edward is at least twenty times. When she sees his teeth for the first time, she stops breathing because “no one should be this good-looking.” She bites her lip and messes with her hair all the time, quirks courtesy of Kristen Stewart, and her inner monologue consistently has lines like “double crap” and “holy crap.” She says or thinks some form of “oh crap” twelve times in the first two chapters. I counted.
All I know is that I can’t wait for this movie to happen. Anybody else?
On a recent airing of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Madonna credits much of her fame to the support of the gay community, and also uses her platform to discuss the hot topic of bullying in today’s society.
Madonna, who is an always-eloquent speaker (I just loved the ‘reoccurring occurrence’ thing she talks about in the above video, lol, good stuff), has taken the liberty to address bullying in the LGBT community and across the board, and what we can do to cut down on the, you know, cutting down.
While I’ve never really been a fan of her music (I know, crazy, right?), I do like the work that she’s done as a humanitarian and as an actress/model (come on, is there really anyone more dramatic than frickin’ Madonna?). I kind of gag whenever I hear her pull out the old fake British accent, and sometimes I’m afraid that she’ll read something even remotely negative that I might happen to write about her and show up at my front door with those crazy-strong sinewy arms of hers and lock me in a chokehold, but on the whole, Madonna’s a good egg and she makes me smile when she talks about important things.
Thanks for sticking up for those who don’t have a voice of their own, girl.
Yeah, ‘Swyllengift.’ You heard it here first. Totally made it up myself. Before coffee. So I haven’t even had a breath’s time to decide whether or not it sucks, or if I’m going to start referring to Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift as … Swyllengift. I mean, fuck. It’s better than Brangelina … Or worse, Bennifer. Do y’all remember the original Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez)? Those were some great days for gossip. The really seedy, voyeuristic part of me would like to see them both leave their spouses and hook back up, complete with pink and yellow diamonds and furs and the way that fake baking looks on Irish boys with large jaws who try too hard. I mean, marriage with Garner is pretty much almost out of the picture anyway, isn’t it?
Anyway, half of the couple I’m most fascinated with these days (Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal) appeared on today’s Ellen DeGeneres Show and of course, Ellen pushed Taylor for details on the relationship in that oh-so-coy way that she has. From People:
“Are you optimistic about love? How do you feel about love right now?” DeGeneres, addressing the topic at hand, asks Swift on The Ellen DeGeneres Show episode airing Monday.
“I’m always optimistic about love,” responds Swift 20.
Confirming Swift’s stance, DeGeneres repeats, “So you’re always optimistic about love?”
“Yes, always, sometimes,” says Swift, beginning to backtrack slightly.
“But right now you are?” asks DeGeneres.
“Well, why wouldn’t anyone be?” says Swift, before DeGeneres boldly states, “Especially if your boyfriend is Jake Gyllenhaal, because he is very handsome.”
But, DeGeneres concludes, “Y’all are just hanging out though, right?”
Swift acknowledges that she and Gyllenhaal were photographed together in New York last weekend. As the singer says to DeGeneres, “You have a picture of us on the [TV] screen, don’t you?”
“Right,” admits DeGeneres. “But it’s just y’all hanging out – this does not prove anything. I’m just saying he’s adorable and I like him very much, and so if that is the case that he’s your boyfriend, I think that’s fantastic.”
So, good. More of these non-details that continuously confirm that Swift and Gyllenhaal are dry humping, because I don’t see Taylor givin’ it up just yet. And by the way, Donnie Darko was on television last night. That a fucked up movie or what?
Get it? She’s Snooki’s poof! Ellen’s costume is a famous hairstyle, and that’s wonderful. You can catch this costume on a Halloween-themed episode of Ellen on Friday, but here’s how Ellen explains it:
“That’s Snooki down there,” she says of the doll. “I’m the poof. She’s the actual size. She is that short. I met her in person. I was almost late for the show because I didn’t take in account how long it takes to gym, tan and laundry, everybody.”
I wish more people did this for Halloween. The thing is, ladies, you can dress slutty and go out and get wasted any day of the year, but Halloween is a special time when you can do creative things like dress up in a hair suit. Do you know what my costume was last year? I was a rainbow. And if you’re worried that you won’t get hit on by drunk dudes if you aren’t a slutty nurse or a sexy cat or something, don’t be – I was just a regular old rainbow and some drunk dude still asked me if he could “have” my body. So don’t sell yourself short, you guys. You can be anything you want to be (and if you sincerely want to be a pirate whore or whatever, I’ll love you anyway).