4Edward Furlong Goes Back To Jail

Edward Furlong, super cool guy, was sentenced to jail today for allegedly violating the protective order his girlfriend filed against him. When I say “back to jail” what I mean is that he’s been there three times in the past four months for domestic abuse. In 2010 he was put on three years probation for violating a protective order from his wife at the time.

Let’s also not forget that he gave his six-year-old cocaine.

The judge alledgly commented at sentencing something like, “You’re not taking this seriously” and “You need to get help for substance abuse” (Via TMZ.) Where was this judge for every one of Ms. Lohan‘s hearings?

Mr. Furlong had a pretty great career going for a while there: CSI: NY, Detroit Rock City, American History X, and of course, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, in which he played John Connor, thus possibly having his career highlight at age 14.

February 15, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

7Edward Furlong Gave His Six-Year-Old Some Cocaine

So here’s the story in a nutshell—Edward Furlong is a big, stupid trainwreck who sabotaged a promising career (his own, you guys; no one else was dumb enough to get behind this moron in the fast lane) because he couldn’t put down the blow or the heroin. He ruined his marriage and then, to add insult to injury, starred in this movie (that I loved) called ‘Arachnoquake‘, which was about behemoth, albino spiders that had emerged from ground fissures opened up by earthquakes … you know, hence the crafty ‘Arachnoquake’ title, which obviously indicates that scary, subterranean spiders were chilling on the earth’s surface because some earthquakes happened. I love context clues, don’t you?

Anyway, after he did all of these mortally insulting things, a judge ruled that he would no longer have private contact with his six-year-old son, a product of his aforementioned divorce, as a random drug test on the child turned up positive for cocaine after an extended visit with his father. Furlong, of course, claims that he has nothing to do with his son’s apparent drug habit, and states that his ex-wife would, quote, “alienate [him] further from [his] son and destroy [his] ability to work.” But in response to that, I say, “No, ‘Arachnoquake’ did that, and oh, right, all the drugs you still do all the time.”

Here’s the trailer for ‘Arachnoquake’—see if you can find Edward in it somewhere. You’ll be looking for the short, bloated dude who has serious trouble formulating thoughts, let alone intelligible words:

December 17, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

9Can You Believe This Marriage Didn’t Work?

Take a deep breath and allow yourself to be open to the possibility that Eddie Furlong’s 3-year marriage to 25-year-old Rachael Bella didn’t stick. Because it’s true. It may rock the very foundations of your world to hear this, but, if it’s any consolation, it’ll be a lot harder on their 3-year-old son Ethan.

Furlong is currently 31 years old. He’s been working steadily since his Terminator days, but nothing very big.

Oh, and just for fun: Remember when he used to date Natasha Lyonne? Mannnn that must have been a good year to sell crack in LA.

July 8, 2009 at 9:36 pm by Evil Beet