2Doug Hutchison Is Way Proud of Being Called A Child Molester

Couples Therapy. I am so bummed that I haven’t seen it yet. Have any of you guys seen it yet? Is it as amazingly horrifying as all the promos promised it would be?

Probably, because according to a blog by Alex McCord, a Real Housewife of New York and fellow cast member on the show, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison were embarrassingly desperate for attention. And it sounds awesome:

Finally, Simon and I made dinner for everyone, and fur flew. Although we do make our children dress for dinner every night, it really wasn’t about Courtney’s lack of clothing for me. It was about her aggressive, disrespectful, attention-seeking behavior. She reminded me of a naked version of the Jack Russell terrier in The Mask. Everyone tried to ignore their antics in order to focus on their own therapy process, and that made her angry. It was clear to me that both Courtney and Doug desperately wanted to have all eyes on them, and when they felt they were being ignored would act out accordingly. Courtney would change into an even skimpier outfit and shake her (ahem) attributes, and Doug would gleefully remind everyone that he had been called a child-molester. Once. Every other time it was brought up, it came out of Doug’s mouth, as though it was some weird badge of honor.

Once again, while Courtney is just ridiculous, Doug is the creepiest creeper ever to creep. Was he always like this? I’ve seen him in things, but I’d never heard anything about him. Did he have a bad midlife crisis or something? Can that make someone into a creeper?

We need answers. But more importantly, we need to watch this show.

October 15, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily

21Small Miracles: Courtney Stodden Doesn’t Want to Have Children

Under normal circumstances, the fact that Courtney Stodden doesn’t want to have children would be a very, very big miracle – having proof that she and Doug Hutchison had sex would just be too much, plus we’ve seen what sort of parenting she had growing up, and it seems sad to think she’d pass that on to her own children – but these aren’t normal circumstances, and I’ll tell you why. It’s because Courtney Stodden doesn’t want to have children right now. Still a miracle, just not as awesome.

We learned this information because Courtney and Doug did an interview with E! News, and they revealed that one of the major reasons they sought out Couples Therapy was because Doug wanted children (so gross), but she wasn’t ready, and that caused a lot of problems for them. Courtney said “I’m not against kids, but my career is my baby…And when I’m ready to share that, we’ll discuss.” Hopefully she’ll be working on her career up until menopause.

Oh, Courtney also said that sometimes she accidentally calls Doug “dad,” because “you know, Doug-dad, same thing.” Doug chimed in with a classic “it is what it is” (ugh) and said that “she can call me dad, I can say, ‘I’m raising my wife.’ It’s all in good humor.”

And for all of us who don’t fully support this union? “Our haters are our motivators,” Doug says. Spoken like a true champ.

October 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily

4Here, Have Some Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison Tonight

So, in short, here’s why Courtney and Doug’s blissful marriage is on showcase for VH1′s ‘Couples Therapy’—Doug is angry about Courtney‘s skank-dressing, which means he probably hates all of her videos, all of her photo shoots, and all of … oh, wait. Everything. And this whole clip is so weird. At one point, Courtney claims that sometimes she calls Doug ‘Dad’, and Doug claims that he’s “raising his wife.” So, so bizarre.

And here’s some more freaky shit—the day after Doug met Courtney in person, he proposed to her. And she accepted. That day. Doug also claims that the marriage, naturally, set off a chain of disastrous life events, like Doug being dropped by his agent, by his family, and by Hollywood in general. Courtney, however, is said to be way better than all three of those things combined, and Doug says it was his “destiny” to marry his child bride, so there’s that, I guess. I’ll say no more. Who am I to shit all over the pure love of two people I don’t even know, anyway, right?

Are you guys going to start watching ‘Couples Therapy’ now? Has this clip sort of set off a chain of disastrous life events for you, too? Like watching ‘Couples Therapy’?

October 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

4Courtney Stodden: “I Have Saved Many Lives”

Honestly, if this was just a three second clip of Courtney Stodden claiming that she’s saved many lives, that would be enough for me. But it’s not, you guys. Well, it is, but it’s so much more than that, too. It’s three minutes and 54 seconds from the new season of Couples Therapy, featuring Courtney and her creeper husband, Doug Hutchison, JoJo from K-Ci and JoJo, and a bunch of other people who are apparently somewhat famous. And it’s wonderful.

Just look at those stupid shapes that Doug shaved onto the side of his stupid head. Just listen to Courtney say “I call him Dad instead of Doug,” and Doug respond with a smile and a comment of “I’m raising my wife.” And then after you get your nausea under control, listen to Courtney tell the therapist that she forgets she’s married sometimes, and let’s all urge her to take that feeling and run, literally run with it. If you can handle it, keep watching until you see Doug’s cry face, and then push through a little more so that you can see Doug say “I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m more deeply in love with you than ever,” and Courtney’s “whatever” face in response. It’s so worth it, you guys. It’s so incredibly worth it.

September 26, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

5Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison Are Ready to Talk About Their Marital Woes (For the Cameras)

Oh man. What a ripe, hot mess this is going to be. That being said? I’m totally going to watch it.

This is another exclusive clip from the new marriage counseling-reality show called Couples Therapy that VH1′s peddling, because really, what’s a better solution to fixing your dysfunctional, famewhore-based relationship than to televise it for the world to see? This is going to be a goldmine.

In the clip, you can see another contestant (or whatever you’d call people in this particular set of game show-like circumstances) saying that Courtney is “trash,” prompting Doug to get up off his weird ass, while starting to throw down with the naysayer. Later, when Doug is asked why he couldn’t just wait to hit it with Courtney when she turned eighteen instead of being a total creeper, he claimed, “I didn’t want to!” whilst grinding all over her knee.

Quality programming, guys. Quality programming.

September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

6LOL, Someone Called Doug Hutchison A Child Molester

All right, the fact that someone called Doug Hutchison a child molester isn’t all that astonishing or LOL worthy, considering that I’m pretty sure at least one of you guys do that every time we talk about this dude. But here’s where it gets good: someone called Doug Hutchison a child molester to his face.

If you’ll remember, Doug and his shooting star of a wife, Courtney Stodden, recently did a show called Couples Therapy, another VH1 masterpiece. While they were filming, Doug introduced himself to one of his co-stars, gossip blogger Nik Richie of The Dirty. Or, well, he tried to introduce himself, but Nik refused to shake Doug’s hand. He called Doug a child molester, and those were apparently the first and last words he ever said to him, because he wouldn’t acknowledge him afterwards. Doug was reportedly “deeply offended” and “extremely upset” by the whole thing. Bless his heart.

But you know, I don’t think Doug is a child molester, even though his 52-year-old ass did marry his darling bride at the tender age of 16. I think there’s a difference between a child molester and a dude who’s into 16-year-olds. I’m definitely not saying that Doug’s move wasn’t creepy or wrong or gross or any of those things, but he’s not a child molester.

But hey, at least we know that this show is going to be awesome now, right?

August 19, 2012 at 8:00 am by Emily