In the wake of the news that her longtime husband, David Duchovny, has checked into rehab for a sex addiction, Tea Leoni has cancelled her scheduled appearance at the Toronto International Film Festival to promote her new movie, Ghost Town.

And it’s easy to say that she did this because she doesn’t want to deal with the questions about her husband, but you know her publicist would have been very fucking clear with the journalists that they were to ask no questions about her personal life. No, what she’s actually doing is a huge favor to journalists, whose heads may have exploded if they had to sit in a room with Tea Leoni right now and keep a straight face while chatting with her for fifteen minutes about some fucking movie. “So, what was it like working with director David Koepp? Uh-huh, uh-huh. And, um, I’ve heard Greg Kinnear can be quite the prankster on set. Did you experience any of that firsthand? Yeah? Really? And, so, then, what’s it like being married to a total perv for eleven years? I mean, exactly how many STDs do you think you have at this point? I’m sorry, Tea. What I meant to say was, uh, what attracted you to this project?”

It would have been such a farce.

Related: the next person who headlines a Duchovny-related article utilizing the term “XXX-Files” needs to die in an unpleasant way.

“It’s news to me. He didn’t seem any more or less horny than anyone I worked with.”

David Duchovny’s writer pal Matt Dearborn, commenting about the actor’s recent decision to check into sex addiction rehab.

Heh, you know this whole checking-into-sex-rehab thing is just Tea Leoni’s punishment for finding out he’d cheated on her at some point. And it’s actually quite brilliant. When he’s groveling like “Please, baby, let me make it up to you. What can I do? Just tell me, baby? I’ll do anything,” Tea thinks about it and is like, “Jesus, what’s a fair punishment for this. Well, I could just go ahead and cheat on you, and that would technically make us even, but that’s just going to put a further strain on our relationship. I could chop off your nuts, but, in the long run, that’s not doing me any favors, either. What would be a suitable punishment? Hm … Oooh! I’VE GOT IT!”

And that is how David Duchovny ended up having his lawyer issue a formal statement indicating that he’d checked into rehab for sex addiction.

Speaking of which, does anyone else remember that Bree Sharp song, “David Duchovny (Why Won’t You Love Me?)”

I’ve included the YouTube vid here in case you haven’t. Because everyone should hear this song.

I remember, after that song came out, some interviewer asked him what he thought about it all. And he said he’d written a rebuttal track called “Tea Leoni Why Won’t You Blow Me,” so it was all good. Ha.