Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Daniel Craig

Dick Van Dyke Could Have Been James Bond


So, apparently back in the day, Dick Van Dyke was offered the role of James Bond and would have replaced Sean Connery in the franchise. Well, that would’ve been a different world. I kind of can’t see it, to be honest, but Dick told Kevin Pollack that’s what happened, so I guess we’ll believe it.

In any case, the whole plan went to shit when Dick reminded Bond producer Albert R ‘Cubby’ Broccoli of his laughably horrendous English accent, to which Broccoli apparently replied, “Oh, that’s right – forget it!” LOL. Yeah, that would not have been very good – but I do love him in Mary Poppins!

As for Dick’s thoughts on Daniel Craig as James Bond, he doesn’t think he’s doing a great job, saying: “For some reason he lacks the panache to be Bond, to me.” He did at least throw Daniel a bit of a bone, claiming that he’s a good actor with “great physicality”. I kind of agree with Dick, though – Daniel Craig just doesn’t carry it off, I don’t think. How about you?

Would you have liked to see Dick Van Dyke as James Bond?  I doubt anyone will answer, “Yes! Definitely!” but who knows. It takes all kinds. I don’t think anyone will ever top Connery, though.

Which Actor Got A Nose Job And Chin Implant?

don draper

Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t hot anymore and men want to look like Jon Hamm, according to the latest plastic surgery trends. Details has some interesting stats on cosmetic procedures for men, including one unnamed famous actor who changed his “monster nose.”

In faces, as in fashion, what’s hot changes. Square jaws (think Jon Hamm, Michael Fassbender, Daniel Craig) are in, replacing yesterday’s pert-nose-and-dainty-chin combo (Leonardo DiCaprioZac Efron, Tobey Maguire). “There’s less of a desire now for a conventionally beautiful white-bread face,” says Dr. Steven Teitelbaum, an associate professor of plastic surgery at UCLA School of Medicine. “People are embracing strong features like ethnic, nontraditional noses.” For example, in lieu of full-on rhinoplasty, many men are balancing their naturally big noses with chin implants (which have recently spiked by 71 percent, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons) or opting to have their noses trimmed back.

“I did a rhinoplasty and a chin implant on a famous actor who had a monster nose and no chin. We left a bit of a bump in the nose, so it still looked like his, just a better version,” says Dr. Darrick Antell, assistant clinical professor of surgery at Columbia University. “No one, including the producer on his next project, noticed he’d had a nose job.”

Who do we think it is? Anyone want to make a guess? Our clues are “monster nose” and “no chin.” Which means that after the surgery he had a chin and a nose with “a bit of a bump left so it still looked like his.” I’m guessing Bradley Cooper, because f-ck it.

Also if you thought there was any chance in hell I was going to mention Jon Hamm in an article and not mention his dong, you’d be wrong.

Kristen Stewart Wants to Be A Bond Girl, Daniel Craig Says No

A photo of Daniel Craig

Ok, so let’s start at the beginning here. Kristen Stewart was doing an interview, and at one point the guy asked her if she’d ever be a Bond girl. Here’s what she said:

“I’m not sure, I would love to read a few graphs of the script. I choose my roles really instinctually (sic). I would really have to connect with the material.”

Right? And when she was pressed, she “I don’t know, maybe,” and when she was asked again, she said “yes, hell yes.” So we know that Kristen Stewart has either a vague interest in being in a James Bond movie or an understandably short fuse when it comes to persistent dudes giving interviews.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter? Because someone else did an interview with Daniel Craig, the current James Bond, and he was asked what he thought about Kristen’s Bond comments. And here’s how he responded:

“No,” Craig answers with disgust. “She’s in Twilight.”

Snap! But then he realized he was probably being a little too bitchy, so he clarified:

“No, I’m being nasty. I’m only saying that because it’s [Breaking Dawn Part 2] coming out this weekend so we’re in direct competition with them,” he admits with a chuckle. “I’m sure she’d make a great Bond girl.”

Oh, Daniel, you usually have no problem telling us how you really feel! What’s the problem? Why did you take it back? It’s ok, we all know that Kristen Stewart would make a horrible Bond girl. Stick with your words, Daniel. Stick with your words.

‘Skyfall’, or the New James Bond Movie Teaser Trailer is Here

I don’t know if you guys are into the James Bond movies, but I’ve got to say—this new one, this ‘Skyfall’, looks totally badass. The film is set to drop in October of this year. From IMDB:

Bond’s loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her. As MI6 comes under attack, 007 must track down and destroy the threat, no matter how personal the cost.

The best thing about this movie is probably the fact that Ralph Fiennes is in it, because I just love Ralph Fiennes. Even before he was Voldemort, I loved Ralph Fiennes, and you want to know what movie made me fall in love with him, dare I admit it? ‘Maid in Manhattan‘. Yup. I said it. It’s totally one of those guilty pleasure movies that I watch every time it comes on TBS or OWN or whatever other cheesy network airs it as their Saturday afternoon feature. Others in the film include Judi Dench as M, and Javier Bardem, and that’s about all for big-name actors and actresses.

Me, I was a big fan of Pierce Brosnan when he played Bond (and I still am, and I guess that’s just my disjointed way of saying, “Pierce Brosnan was my favorite Bond”, OK?), and I guess Daniel Craig is alright, but … I don’t know. Something about him just doesn’t fit all that entirely well as The James Bond, you know? The movie looks good, but I think it’d be loads better if there were another actor portraying Bond. Daniel Craig’s nowhere near the worst Bond, but he’s definitely not anywhere near the best, either.

Who was your favorite James Bond?

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Kris Jenner Thinks Daniel Craig Isn’t A Real Man

A photo of Kris Jenner

About a week ago, if you had told me that a battle between the Kardashians and Daniel Craig was a-brewin’, I would have laughed. Well, actually, I would probably would have given you a really confused look and then left you and your crazy thoughts in peace so I could get another piece of the cake my boyfriend’s mom made (oh my god, you guys. Oh my god. This cake is no joke). But now it’s Friday, and the battle is seemingly underway, and also I am woefully out of cake. BUT ANYWAY.

You remember when Daniel Craig said all those darling things about the Kardashians? When he basically said that they behaved like f*cking idiots and that he judged them for it? Yeah, well, Mother of the Year Kris Jenner just heard about that, and believe you me, did she have something to say:

“It’s not made him look like the world’s nicest guy. The right thing for a real man to do now would be to issue a public apology. The easy thing would be to criticize his career now, but our family won’t stoop to that level.”

Oh, those Kardashians always slay me. They’re just so silly! It’s like, sure, Kris, you cheat on your husband and refuse to tell one of your daughters who her biological father is for years, you pimp your underage daughters out on the regular, but this James Bond shit? Please.

Quotables: Daniel Craig REALLY Doesn’t Like the Kardashians

Photo: Daniel Craig at the UK premiere of Tintin

“Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f—king idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?’ …I’m not judging it. Well, I am, obviously.”

Daniel Craig explains that he is a very private person in the January issue of British GQ. He might even dislike the Kardashians more than Michael Bublé does!

Daniel Craig goes on to describe his marriage which is, of course, shrouded in total secrecy. I could almost applaud Daniel Craig’s wooing and wedding of Rachel Weisz in near-clandestineness, except that A) I have been in shouting-from-the-rooftops love before, which kind of defies the principle of the whole “privacy” thing, but B) I also think secret marriages are kind of weird. (Then again, maybe Craig and Weisz have really overbearing mothers. In that case, I can dig it. To Vegas!)

But Craig isn’t finished:

“I think there’s a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel. …It’s not about being afraid to be public with your emotions or about who you are and what you stand for. But if you sell it off it’s gone. You can’t buy it back—you can’t buy your privacy back. ‘Ooh I want to be alone.’ F—k you! We’ve been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta and now you want some privacy?”

Now that I’ve witnessed Daniel Craig going apeballs with righteous indignation over the Kardashian family, I can absolutely see why Rachel Weisz is in love with him. There is nothing more charming (to some of us, anyway) than a smart little man completely losing his mind over traffic jams, bad manners, and reality TV. Ah! I love it.

I Need to See Dream House, and You Do, Too, Probably

I know I said it last time, but doesn’t this movie just look great? The plotline is rather predictable, but the imagery is creepy and it’s got Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig in it. A horror movie doesn’t get a whole lot better, unless, of course, it stars Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall. I say this because I wrote most of today’s posts in the creepy twilight of an empty hotel room lobby because my room’s wifi is just super. I’ve been up for hours, and do you know how creepy hotel room lobbies are at 4 AM anyhow?