Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Cody Linley

Cody Linley: Another Disney Star Gone Wild

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I don’t know who this kid is and I don’t care. Apparently he’s on Hannah Montana and also did a stint on Dancing with the Stars, neither of which are television shows I choose to use as a form of masochism. He got wasted at a nightclub in Orlando, and now there’s a whole spread about in in Star, because non-death celebrity news has been dreadfully slow since, oh, 2008. Apparently he was sloppy drunk — and an eyewitness suggests he may have been on drugs as well — and he was making out with chicks and letting them autograph his shirtless body.

Let me tell you something about these Disney kids: They don’t ever stand a chance. In order to be a talented child performer, you have to have something inside you that wants to be somewhere else at all times. And it has to be a powerful something. And when you combine that drive to escape from yourself with fame and money and attention, you are going to get a drug and alcohol problem. Every. Single. Time. I don’t even know why we bother to act surprised anymore.

One additional thing: This story will blow over and no one will talk about it again after tomorrow. Wanna know why? Because Cody Linley has a penis. If Miley Cyrus had pulled this shit the talking heads would be calling her a harlot and a terrible role model for the next six months.