Christina‘s 32nd birthday was last Tuesday, and she had a birthday party. This is what she wore.
I don’t even know what to do with this. She’s not wearing pants again. She’s wearing that tired old Mickey Mouse shirt, and even though I’m having trouble finding pictures right now, I’ve definitely seen her in it before. Which, obviously, no big deal, but when it’s a tired old Mickey Mouse shirt that’s ripped all to hell and has holes all over it so you can see her leopard print bra, it kind of is a big deal. A big deal that needs to be set on fire.
But that coat. There are no words that could possibly justify that coat. It’s something my crazy grandma would wear around the house when she’s feeling snazzy, but it has no place in the real world. However, I would like to look at her boots more closely, even though they’re probably awful.
So happy birthday, Christina. Here’s to 32 more years of stupid fashon.
Image courtesy of Just Jared
December 21, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
I always think it’s so interesting when a person with a real talent for something screws up. You know what I mean? Like if Lindsay Lohan, who has a talent for doing drugs and committing crimes, was seen turning down meth and truthfully reporting the incident to a nearby police officer. That would be interesting, right? You’d want to see that.
That’s the reason that I’m showing you this video of Christina Aguilera performing at last night’s American Music Awards. She is a person with a real talent for singing, but in this video, she’s not good at it. Interesting!
But this whole thing is a mess, isn’t it? It doesn’t sound good, like at all, and it’s just this weird collaboration of awful and embarrassing. I mean, she’s allowed to have an off night, but it’s like everyone who was involved with planning and designing this performance had an off night, which is a lot less common.
But did you love it?
November 19, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
Hey, how cute, right? It sure beats the hell out of choosing bad Halloween costumes, and it’s definitely way better than giving an interview while completely intoxicated, but I’m still sort of baffled. I mean, she never talks about this kid, God love him. We hardly even *see* him, so I’m wondering what’s really bringing on all of the Do you know when the last time was that we even saw him? Well, we saw a bit of his head in mid-October. But prior to that, it was nearly … I don’t know, actually. I went back as far as December of last year, and I still couldn’t find anything. Not that that says anything or anything. She talks about the boy being her baby, though, guys! And isn’t that sweet?
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m liking this newer, softer side of Christina Aguilera, and I hope she’s around to stay for a little while.
November 17, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Sarah
First, allow me to say that I think Christina Aguilera‘s boyfriend, whatever-his-name-is, is really and truly skeevy-looking. I’m talking the skeeviest of the skeeve. The Adnan Ghalib of boyfriends. The worst part about this entire thing is that I don’t even know what Christina Aguilera’s supposed to be. Thoughts? Any idea what Christina’s supposed to be? A leather-clad Marie Antoinette? One of Donna Summer’s backup dancers? I don’t even know.
In “related” Christina news, ‘Voice’ co-star Adam Levine is taking all of Christina’s “haters” to task by calling them out and voicing his support for her. In a recent interview, Adam says:
“People shouldn’t say those kind of things, because, f—k you! Come on guys, grow up! It pisses me off, and of course I have her back, of course I defend her. It’s not nice to just have your bread and butter be trashing other people. That’s bullying. … The one thing about the culture right now, celebrity culture particularly, is people feel like they can just say nasty things about other people whether it’s Christina or whether it’s me. She gets a lot and it pisses me off. Of course I have her back and of course I defend her.”
Which, like, of course. I totally agree with Adam. And I think it’s a really nice sentiment, because really. Why should any rational, well-balanced individual really care what anyone else’s body looks like, whether they’re twenty-five pounds overweight or twenty-five pounds under? Why judge? But, you know, that costume up there? It wouldn’t matter if it were on a supermodel with a supermodel’s body—it’s f-cking ugly as sin, and I feel like it’s my God-given right to say that, you know? And not because it’s opinion—because it’s true. (And OK, because it’s opinion also.)
October 29, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Ok, she didn’t say she was trashed, and she wasn’t carrying around a flask or anything (visibly), but sometimes, you just know.
Here, just check it out:
On gossip blogs: “Now everyone is a critic. don’t read blogs. It’s just God-knows-who in Buttf-ck wherever writing hate shit. You can’t take it seriously. I’m sure you’ve all been hated on at some point by buttf-ck people.”
On other shows like The Voice: “I’ve not actually seen a full episode of any of the other music shows. I saw the commercials early on of American Idol of Simon being a dick. I was like, ‘Man, that’s not what it’s about!’ I didn’t want to treat people like that. I wanted to do The Voice to show that we can be positive. We don’t have to knock people down.”
On songwriter Linda Perry and the process of writing “Beautiful”: “Linda Perry is raw, she’s real and she intimidates a lot of grown men. She’s amazing. I was having a really bad day. I came into her studio. It was at her house at the time. I was working with her on a bunch of stuff. She just kind of sat down at her piano in her dining room and started singing. ’Don’t do all that Mariah shit’ – that was her, not me, I love that shit! But she was like ‘don’t be doing all that acrobatic shit, just sing!’”
On more shit: “Shit happens, man. This is the business. It’s not going to be all cute and pretty and tied up in a little bow.”
On the interview itself: “It’s real talk today.”
See what I mean? Oh, and when she was talking about “Beautiful,” she took a break to sing a few lines from the song. Isn’t that such a drunk girl thing to do? “Oh yeah, my song ‘Beautiful,’” and then she goes into “all that Mariah shit.” Then she burps and says “it’s real talk today.” I LOVE it.
And I’m also really glad to know that she think of me as “God-knows-who in Buttf-ck wherever writing hate shit.” I know she’s probably not talking about me personally, but it still gives me some weird sense of validation. Thank you for that, Drunk Christina. Thank you for the real talk.
October 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Emily
“I do want to do more acting. I want to do something where I can really sink my teeth into something a little more challenging. Really outside of myself, outside of music. I sort of had this personal aspiration to do film, but I said, ‘I never want to do a musical!’ It’s too much like myself. I want it to be honest and genuine in expanding my wings and doing something really, really different. A crackhead on the street or a drug addict. Or something crazy and meaty and juicy. Something that really took me out of myself.”
Ok, let’s really think this one through, all right? Christina Aguilera wants to play the beloved role of “a crackhead on the street,” but Christina Aguilera is no Meryl Streep. And while she had said that she never wanted to do a musical, she clearly doesn’t understand that some musicals can be “crazy and meaty and juicy.” So what’s the answer?
We write a musical just for Christina. Lots of heavy stuff, lots of crack, and lots of streets: like Next to Normal, but with crack. It’ll be a hit, she’ll win a Tony, and her wildest dreams will come true! But most importantly, we’ll get to hear Christina Aguilera sing about being a crackhead. And there is absolutely nothing that would be better than that.