Sigh. My brain is eating itself with all the stupid shit coming out of Rihanna’s mouth lately. Between guns negating victimhood, Chris Brown having a “wonderful heart” and just… whatever this is, I just don’t know which way to turn. If you’re in the same position, allow me to give you some advice: steer clear of her new Elle interview, in which she reveals her desire to become a mother within the next 5 years.
“[In five years] I will probably have a kid. And I’m praying I can go on vacation for a good month. And I’ll have set some things up so I don’t have to tour for the rest of my life, even though I love touring.
“I want health and happiness in five years. I want to be healthy and happy.”
To each her own and all, but something tells me the opposite of “health and happiness” lay down the path of staying with Chris, being a total deadhead stoner and then bringing a kid into the mix, as well.
March 3, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Jennifer
Today is a day for tattoo news, apparently. Rihanna is another one who has pretty awful taste in them, but she insists that hers have meaning. For instance, the gun she’s got under her right armpit doesn’t mean “danger: you don’t want to smell that”, it actually is a symbol for her strength as a woman and her insistence on not being a victim… or whatever.
“Everybody wanted to know what was happening in my life. Is she a drug addict? No. Is she an alcoholic? No. Is she a victim? No,” Rihanna said.
“That’s when I got the gun. It was a symbol of strength. I’ll never be a victim.
“That’s why I’m posting pictures of myself smoking pot, to tell the truth about myself. I’ve got so much to think about, why bring all this extra shit by being dishonest?”
She continued: “Well I Instagram everything about my life, whether it’s smoking pot, in a strip club, reading a Bible verse – how crazy, I know! – or hanging out with my best friend, who happens to be Chris [Brown].”
I think there’s a difference between being honest about your life and portraying yourself as the drug addict you swear you’re not. Like, girl, just no. Second of all, you’ll probably be wishing that gun tattoo was the real thing for self-defense when your best friend attempts to beat you to a bloody pulp again, which will happen, even if you both are stupid enough to believe he’s been redeemed.
More photos from Rihanna’s Elle shoot below.
March 2, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Jennifer
Chris Brown turned up at Elton John‘s AIDS Foundation gala last weekend looking like the worm from Labyrinth and started bragging to reporters about how he and Elton are BFF, which is hard to believe since he’s a scumbag who hates gay people and Elton is… decidedly gay and, I have to assume, anti-violence and domestic abuse. I’m not sure what’s going on here.
From The New York Post:
“I met Elton about a year ago, and he’s been a good friend to me,” Brown revealed, adding, “So it is great to be here tonight to support him.” Of the possibility of working with John in the future, Brown said, “Music is music. It transcends everything, so I would love it if we could work together.”
I feel like turning up to this was Chris’s way of trying to prove that he’s this peaceful, harmonic soul – a bullshit image he’s attempted (in words) to convey in recent months. It’s like when white people insist they’re not racist because one of their best friends is black – just… no. I don’t think Chris Brown gives a shit about Elton John, the AIDS Foundation or anything else, but it was a night out while Rihanna was busy “rehearsing for tour” (read: smoking copious amounts of weed and Instagramming it) and it gave him an excuse to dress like Johnny Depp‘s understudy from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
March 1, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer
Today in “Oh, f-ck off” news, Chris Brown is actually talking about beating Rihanna up – no, he hasn’t forgot it happened – and he wants everyone to know that he really regrets it but that we can all shut the hell up about it because he’s earned his forgiveness.
From The Mirror:
Rihanna’s boyfriend Chris Brown has described his vicious assault on the singer as the “greatest regret” of his life.
Speaking for the first time about their recent reconciliation, the US R&B star shrugged off the public backlash against him and pledged never to hurt the Bajan beauty again.
In a searingly honest interview with The Mirror, he apologised for his actions in 2009, when he physically attacked Rihanna, leaving her shocked and bruised.
And Brown admitted that winning her love back had taken many months of tough “serious making up”.
He said: “Sometimes you row, you fight, with the one you love and things get said, stuff spirals.
“That night was the deepest regret of my life, the biggest mistake.
“But she loves me – what can I say? I’m forgiven… but, yes, I worked hard for it.”
Talking at Elton John’s Aids Foundation Oscars fund raising party in West Hollywood, the double platinum-selling star said he had “grown up” and learned how to deal with fame.
He also dismissed a bad taste joke by host Seth Macfarlane during the Academy Awards ceremony – in which Macfarlane compared the “unspeakably violent” movie Django Unchained to “date night for Rihanna and Chris Brown”.
Brown, 23, said: “People attack me and criticise me, it happens all the time.
“But they don’t know me, and they don’t know us. It doesn’t bother me any more.
“Other people can judge us but they don’t know anything.”
I’m pretty sure I know a few things, the first of which is that regardless of how many “things get said” and how far stuff “spirals”, I have never hit anyone and would kick anyone who ever laid a finger on me to the curb indefinitely. Second of all, people attack and criticise you because you’re an absolute asshole, Chris Brown. You’re the worst. Ever.
You know what? I’m just not even doing this anymore. I’m just wasting my breath.
February 26, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
Bite down on something and make sure you’re lying on a soft surface just in case this story sends you into a grand mal seizure: Rihanna is speaking out in support of Chris Brown again and wants everyone to know that he’s a really great guy who has a “fantastic heart” and who only hit her because he had anger issues. He’s also “giving and loving” – I’m assuming she meant that he loves to give bruises, but maybe not. Let me let this delusional broad speak for herself, here.
Via The Sun:
The songbird, who suffered a savage beating at his hands in 2009, stunned many by getting back together with him earlier this year.
And she stresses that Chris has changed dramatically in the intervening period.
She said: “It’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments any more. We talk about [stuff]. We value each other.”
“For a long time he was really angry… there’s so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him in my life.
“He’s not the monster everyone thinks. He’s a good person. He has a fantastic heart.
“He’s giving and loving. And he’s fun to be around. That’s what I love about him — he always makes me laugh.”
She added that she was keen to start having babies, saying: “Hell yeah, but I wish I could order them.”
Okay, the weed has definitely dulled the last of Rihanna’s brain cells, that much is clear. First of all, she’s got it all wrong – I don’t think he’s a monster, I think he’s an animal that should be caged indefinitely, and I don’t really care how harsh that sounds. He’s violent, homophobic and generally horrendous, so I stick by that. Second of all, the only thing about Chris Brown that’s worth laughing at is the fact that Rihanna is stupid enough to believe all the nice shit she’s saying about him.
February 25, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
Chris Brown and Rihanna‘s relationship has inspired their very own episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Law & Order: SVU, like the other Law & Order shows, is known for having episodes that are “ripped from the headlines.”
Here’s NBC‘s description of the episode posted with the promo on YouTube.
Law and Order SVU 14×16 “Funny Valentine” – A promising singer is brutally attacked by her boyfriend, a popular hip hop star. ADA Barba (guest star Raul Esparza) works to build a case, but the victim refuses to aid the prosecution and, despite Detective Benson’s (Mariska Hargitay) best efforts, continues to put herself in danger. The case quickly spirals into a media circus, perpetrated by both the defendant and his uncompromising attorney (guest star Tambor).
Naturally this YouTube page is exploding with comments. I think my favorite comment is from the user “IAmPlaysWithSquirrel” (sweet Boy Meets World reference!),
“The preceding story was fictional. No actual person or event was depicted.”
The episode will air next Wednesday, the 27th, on NBC at 9/8 central. You can watch the promo below.