Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Caridee English

Be Still My Heart

ANTM alums Jaslene Gonzalez and Caridee English battle it out for Least Photogenic at the Lucky book party in NYC.

Tyra Banks should be ashamed. If you’re going to unleash these creatures upon society after anointing them famous, Tyra, at least hire stylists for them. Someone needs to wake you from your slumber one night with a phone call and say, “Ty-Ty, I have some bad news. Are you sitting down? Do you have someone there with you in case you can’t hold up the phone after I tell you this? Okay. Because Caridee is wearing knee-high socks and Jaslene is wearing a wrap made from the fur of an animal that doesn’t actually exist on Earth. I know, baby. I know. Cry it out.”

Because, listen, Tyra: this is a nightmare I live with every single day. You may have better things to do than look at the photos these girls take after their cycles end, but many of us in this industry have to keep looking at them. Have some respect for us.

It Never Fails!

I’m sorry for my new obsession with Caridee English, but she is everywhere lately, and she always just looks awful. Every. Single. Time.

Here she is at Chace Crawford’s 23rd birthday party in New York, looking all sorts of drunk and totally failing to look any more modelesque than the default photos of 8 million sorority girls on Facebook. Seriously if this photo is any indication, there are about 15,000 girls from Southern Oregon University alone who also should have won ANTM.

And WTF is on the table next to her? Is that a quarter? Why, God, why? Were they playing Quarters Chandelier? With wine? I have a hangover just thinking about it.

Also there: Blake Lively and Penn Badgley, looking all sorts of adorable, and Lydia Hearst, looking like someone who showed up to get her photo taken.

Not So Fierce

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Seriously, for a “top model,” this girl does not photograph well.

ANTM winner Caridee English walks the red carpet at the launch party for the new Blackberry Pearl.

Has she put on weight? Like, almost entirely in her face? She looks about 40 years old.