Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Britney Spears

LOL Of The Day: Britney Was “Crushed” When She Heard KFed Got Married

britney spears shopping

Britney Spears‘ extraordinary ex-husband, Kevin Federline, got married to Victoria Prince, the mother of some of his many children. Apparently, Britney was “crushed” by the news and “screamed uncontrollably.” Right. More delights from National Enquirer, according to “an insider”:

When Britney was told the news, she screamed uncontrollably. Then she collapsed in tears. The wedding caught her by surprise. She wasn’t invited and she didn’t even get a call from Kevin to let her know he was marrying Victoria. Britney had to hear about it from one of K-Fed’s friends after the ceremony was over. It was hard for Britney because she’s long suffered from the delusion that she and Kevin would one day get back together and raise their two boys.

I wouldn’t buy this if it was free. Paparazzi take photos of Britney and KFed being civil at their kids’ soccer game and this translates into Britney still being in love with him. Guess now that Ms. Spears is getting her shit together, has a boring boyfriend, is recording an album, all while preparing for her major show in Vegas, there are less stories to tell about her. Make ‘em up, boys. Make ‘em up.

Throwback Thursday: Snoop And Britney

miley tweets 2004 photo of britney spears and snoop dogg-lion

Snoop Lion/Dogg and Britney Spears are posed here in this incredible moment in time from 2004, while on the set of Britney’s “Outrageous” music video (according to E Online). This photo is truly a slice of life. Where were YOU when this photo was taken? Probably daydreaming, wishing that you could be in the photo.

And this photo was brought to us by Miley Cyrus, who realized it was her civic duty to tweet it. Miley is getting obsessed with Britney, y’all.

Britney was 22 when this was taken. She didn’t look dead in the eyes quite yet.

“Outrageous”? Indeed.

Well That’s Not Surprising: Britney Spears “Can’t Hold A Conversation”

britney spears church dress

Britney Spears isn’t known for rapier wit like Stephen Fry or for engaging in philosophical debates about science with Neil deGrasse Tyson, but apparently she doesn’t even know how to have a basic conversation. This is according to someone named Adrienne Bailon (ah, she was a singer in that long ago band, The Cheetah Girls.) On an episode of something called The Real, Ms. Bailon revealed Ms. Spears’ shortcomings (via Zimbio):

I worked with her on The X Factor and I’m not going to lie to you, guys… She can’t hold a conversation. They had someone who feeds her what she is supposed to say. Like, she can’t hold a conversation.

Yeah, no kidding. Maybe that’s why Simon Cowell got fed-up with her (though his passive-aggressiveness was still pretty lame.)

Zimbio also notes that Dave Grohl once described Britney Spears as “dead inside” with “nothing behind her eyes.”

You Might Be Waiting a While for The New Britney Spears Album

britney spears

Britney Spears is recording new material, but she’s saying that her new album “needs to be perfect”, which means we may all be waiting a long ass time because some things, even autotune can’t fix. I kid, of course – I love me some BritBrit, but y’all know she needs some serious help in the vocal department. In any case, the new album is meant to be a gift for the hardcore Britney stans, so that sounds promising. Here’s her tweet about it:

Who here is a Britney fan? Are you looking forward to her new material? What’s the best Britney song ever? It’s gotta be ‘Boys’, right?

Britney Spears And Miley Cyrus Have A Special Bond

miley cyrus in naked miley t-shirt

Britney Spears is like Dumbledore to Miley Cyrus‘ Harry Potter, based on what Ms. Cyrus told Huffington Post U.K. Ms. Spears is something of a mentor to the twerking mess. Here’s how Miley explained their special bond. From Us Weekly:

Everyone goes through a time in their life where they don’t want their picture taken everyday. [Britney] just never had that time where she could say, ‘I’m going through something right now and need to shut down.’ I also don’t have that, so it’s good to have that one person in my life who gets it.

I just think it’s never blaming you or making you feel like, ‘You’ve got all this going for you,’ it’s like she knows. Sometimes life just steps in the middle of your career the way life always does for anyone — it’s just ours is a little more 24/7.

Hopefully Miley will be there to support Britney’s new Vegas residency, as Ms. Spears has many doubters about her upcoming shows.

Based on what Miley said, it makes sense that she would find comfort in Britney, but they’re probably better off hanging around other people. Smarter people.

What Year Is It?: Britney Spears Wins “Best Bikini Body”

britney spears bikini 2013

Britney Spears looks great in a bikini, but let’s be real, she’s not in her heyday anymore. I’m talking about the ridiculous (in a good way) figure she had in her “I’m A Slave For U” era, which was in 2001. But it’s been 12 years and 2 kids later, so considering that I think she’s doing swell and looking good (and Shape magazine agrees.)

Celebuzz asked people to vote in their “Battle of the Bikini Bodies” which is admittedly kind of a huge UGH that this is even a thing, but here are the results.

#1. Britney, with 41%.
#2. Kate Upton, 28%.

#3. Jessica Alba, 15%.

jessica alba bikini
#4. Coco, 9%.

coco bikini
#5. Holly Madison, 5%.

holly madison post baby bikini body

I share this because I think it’s interesting that with the exception of Jessica Alba, these are women with curvier figures. I don’t mean curvy as a euphemism for fat. I mean Coco is genuinely insanely curvy.

My favorite bikini body is any woman who wears a bikini who isn’t Miranda Kerr perfection. There’s more bikini goodness here.

Who would you have voted for?

Ouch: Simon Cowell Straight-Up Disses Britney On New Season Of X Factor

britney spears out shopping

Britney Spears left The X Factor and I’m guessing it wasn’t completely her decision. So either Simon Cowell is thrilled with her absence or is being passively aggressively pissed about her leaving, because he’s openly dissing her on X Factor‘s new season. Radar Online describes the promos for the upcoming season:

In one clip, Simon tells a whiny male candidate singing Britney’s Hit Me Baby One More Time that, “There was a moment there where I shut my eyes and I thought we had Britney Spears on stage.”

New judge Kelly Rowland looked in, shocked, while Demi Lovato just laughed.

And in another promo from the Long Island auditions, Simon describes one woman’s seriously nasal rendition of Toxic as sounding “a little bit too much like the original.”

Come on, dude, why be like that? You don’t have to heap false praise on her like her producer, but you don’t have to be mean! Oh…well, actually, yeah, I guess that’s his “thing.” But is he ever mean to the other judges? He would tease Paula on American Idol but at least it was to her face.

Speaking of Paula Abdul, anyone seen her lately?