Britney Spears isn’t known for rapier wit like Stephen Fry or for engaging in philosophical debates about science with Neil deGrasse Tyson, but apparently she doesn’t even know how to have a basic conversation. This is according to someone named Adrienne Bailon (ah, she was a singer in that long ago band, The Cheetah Girls.) On an episode of something called The Real, Ms. Bailon revealed Ms. Spears’ shortcomings (via Zimbio):
I worked with her on The X Factor and I’m not going to lie to you, guys… She can’t hold a conversation. They had someone who feeds her what she is supposed to say. Like, she can’t hold a conversation.
Yeah, no kidding. Maybe that’s why Simon Cowell got fed-up with her (though his passive-aggressiveness was still pretty lame.)
Zimbio also notes that Dave Grohl once described Britney Spears as “dead inside” with “nothing behind her eyes.”
Britney Spears is recording new material, but she’s saying that her new album “needs to be perfect”, which means we may all be waiting a long ass time because some things, even autotune can’t fix. I kid, of course – I love me some BritBrit, but y’all know she needs some serious help in the vocal department. In any case, the new album is meant to be a gift for the hardcore Britney stans, so that sounds promising. Here’s her tweet about it:
Who here is a Britney fan? Are you looking forward to her new material? What’s the best Britney song ever? It’s gotta be ‘Boys’, right?
Britney Spears is like Dumbledore to Miley Cyrus‘ Harry Potter, based on what Ms. Cyrus told Huffington Post U.K. Ms. Spears is something of a mentor to the twerking mess. Here’s how Miley explained their special bond. From Us Weekly:
Everyone goes through a time in their life where they don’t want their picture taken everyday. [Britney] just never had that time where she could say, ‘I’m going through something right now and need to shut down.’ I also don’t have that, so it’s good to have that one person in my life who gets it.
I just think it’s never blaming you or making you feel like, ‘You’ve got all this going for you,’ it’s like she knows. Sometimes life just steps in the middle of your career the way life always does for anyone — it’s just ours is a little more 24/7.
Hopefully Miley will be there to support Britney’s new Vegas residency, as Ms. Spears has many doubters about her upcoming shows.
Based on what Miley said, it makes sense that she would find comfort in Britney, but they’re probably better off hanging around other people. Smarter people.
Britney Spears looks great in a bikini, but let’s be real, she’s not in her heyday anymore. I’m talking about the ridiculous (in a good way) figure she had in her “I’m A Slave For U” era, which was in 2001. But it’s been 12 years and 2 kids later, so considering that I think she’s doing swell and looking good (and Shape magazine agrees.)
Celebuzz asked people to vote in their “Battle of the Bikini Bodies” which is admittedly kind of a huge UGH that this is even a thing, but here are the results.
#1. Britney, with 41%.
#2. Kate Upton, 28%.
#3. Jessica Alba, 15%.
#4. Coco, 9%.
#5. Holly Madison, 5%.
I share this because I think it’s interesting that with the exception of Jessica Alba, these are women with curvier figures. I don’t mean curvy as a euphemism for fat. I mean Coco is genuinely insanely curvy.
My favorite bikini body is any woman who wears a bikini who isn’t Miranda Kerr perfection. There’s more bikini goodness here.
Who would you have voted for?
Britney Spears left The X Factor and I’m guessing it wasn’t completely her decision. So either Simon Cowell is thrilled with her absence or is being passively aggressively pissed about her leaving, because he’s openly dissing her on X Factor‘s new season. Radar Online describes the promos for the upcoming season:
In one clip, Simon tells a whiny male candidate singing Britney’s Hit Me Baby One More Time that, “There was a moment there where I shut my eyes and I thought we had Britney Spears on stage.”
New judge Kelly Rowland looked in, shocked, while Demi Lovato just laughed.
And in another promo from the Long Island auditions, Simon describes one woman’s seriously nasal rendition of Toxic as sounding “a little bit too much like the original.”
Come on, dude, why be like that? You don’t have to heap false praise on her like her producer, but you don’t have to be mean! Oh…well, actually, yeah, I guess that’s his “thing.” But is he ever mean to the other judges? He would tease Paula on American Idol but at least it was to her face.
Speaking of Paula Abdul, anyone seen her lately?
Britney Spears did that horrendous song for Smurfs 2, ‘Ooh La La’ (that’s a lot like one of Madonna‘s tracks, incidentally), and not only do your ears have to be assaulted, but now your eyes, too. That’s right: the song has a video, and in it our autotune shunner of the year (LOL).
It’s not all bad – in the vid, she watches the movie with her cute sons. However, it quickly turns shit when she starts “performing” the song surrounded by Smurfs, who dance along to the track. Why, God, Why? There is not a single thing about this I like. Make it stop immediately.
Britney Spears, I love you, I really do, but it’s not for your singing. I love you for your songs, your silliness, your sheer Britneyness. While I don’t think people give you enough credit in the singing department (and oh God this autotuned mess didn’t help) I would never call you a singer over a performer or pop star, you know? Yeah, you get it.
Brit’s got a new album coming out and her producer, William Orbit, tweeted about it to fans. When one fan suggested a stripped down song on the album, Orbit agreed but maaaaaybe took it a little too far. He replied (via Stereoboard.com),
@britneyspears never needed that auto tune thing . . . just know how to make singers sing great
Uh, okay. For the curious, here’s what Britney sounds like completely a cappella. It’s her singing “happy birthday” to L.A. Reid on The X Factor. Skip to 11 seconds.
Again, not terrible, but not…noteworthy. (PUNNED IT.)