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Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin Now Claims Second Pregnancy Was Planned

bristol palin

Oh, come on. Known abstinence advocate Bristol Palin could not have sounded more miserable – not to mention the whole “I know everyone’s disappointed in me” malarky – when she announced this past week that she’s pregnant with her second child out of wedlock. It’s clear that she did not want this kid at all, but now that everyone’s pointed out the extreme irony of her being a judgmental asshole about everyone else’s sex life when she’s not practicing what she preaches, she’s suddenly backpeddling and claiming that actually, she totally planned to have this baby all along, dummies!

Here’s her latest blog entry:

So here are the things you should all get straight before you continue to mock me, judge me, and talk about me. 

None of us are perfect. 

I made a mistake, but it’s not the mistake all these giddy a$$holes have loved to assume.

This pregnancy was actually planned.

Everyone knows I wanted more kids, to have a bigger family.  Believing I was heading that way, I got ahead of myself. Things didn’t go as planned, but life keeps going. Life moves on. 

But I do not regret this baby. This baby is not a disappointment, and I cannot wait to be a mom times two. Tripp is going to make the best big brother!!

When I realized I was pregnant, I knew I would be completely crucified. But I never even thought of aborting this child, NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE. (Sorry to the ghouls at Gawker, who said this baby is an argument FOR abortion. Not happening.)

I am pregnant. This is not the ideal situation, but life is important even if it’s not in the most absolute ideal circumstance. This is more confirmation on what I’ve always stood for. I’ve always been pro-life and I am standing for life now.

Deal with it.

What Bristol doesn’t realise is that a) no one’s buying her bullshit and that b) she can deny whatever she wants and make up whatever bullshit she wants, but the fact remains that it’s always the people who are the most vocal assholes who end up violating the very “rules” they purport we all should live by. I don’t know if Bristol originally became the poster child for abstinence-only sex education because she was forced into it by her mother so she could save face with the conservatives, but she needs to get a fucking grip and maybe pick up some pamphlets on birth control.

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Bristol Palin Is Pregnant Again & She Doesn’t Need Your Lectures

bristol palin tripp

It must suck to live a life defined by an invisible being in the sky which you feel forces you to make decisions that are completely wrong for your life for fear of retribution. That’s what Bristol Palin is going through right now, since she’s pregnant again and doesn’t seem at all pleased about it. She’ll drag her way through it, of course, and hope God can help her, but there’s no joy in the news she shared on her blog on Thursday, that’s for sure. She knows you’re probably disappointed in her, but don’t worry, she’s even more disappointed in herself.

(I’m announcing this news a lot sooner than I ever expected due to the constant trolls who have nothing better to talk about!!!)

I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant.

Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one.

At the end of the day there’s nothing I can’t do with God by my side, and I know I am fully capable of handling anything that is put in front of me with dignity and grace.

Life moves on no matter what.  So no matter how you feel, you get up, get dressed, show up, and never give up.

When life gets tough, there is no other option but to get tougher.

I know this has been, and will be, a huge disappointment to my family, to my close friends, and to many of you.

But please respect Tripp’s and my privacy during this time. I do not want any lectures and I do not want any sympathy.

My little family always has, and always will come first.

Tripp, this new baby, and I will all be fine, because God is merciful.

Jesus! (No pun intended.) What a shit show. I’m certainly not judging her for another out of wedlock pregnancy b/c I have my own life to live and who gives a rat’s ass, but maybe she ought to finally serve herself up a slice of humble pie and learn that if she doesn’t want to be judged, maybe don’t align herself with people and a faith that relishes casting judgment on others. Also, man, it must really suck not to be able to do the right thing for yourself and your family by having an abortion, if that’s what the right decision is. I’m sure she’ll be fine, at least financially, but this news is sad as hell for more reasons than the obvious.

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Quotables: Bristol Palin Disses Julianne Moore

A photo of Bristol Palin

“I don’t think she’s a good interpreter of my mom. I think my mom is way hotter than that.”

- Bristol Palin discusses Julianne Moore‘s portrayal of Sarah Palin in that HBO movie, Game Change. Bristol went on to say that “I think she doesn’t have that accent. It’s kind of silly, but my mom’s awesome.”

Are we really doing this, Bristol? Is this seriously going to happen?

Boom:

A photo of Julianne Moore and Sarah Palin

Double boom:

A photo of Sarah Palin and Julianne Moore

I didn’t see the movie, so I can’t really comment on Julianne’s acting (though she is a good actor, so, you know, there’s that), but as for the comment that Sarah Palin is “way hotter” than that? Girl. Bristol, honey. No. Just no.

I Can’t Believe I’m Doing This, But …

photo of bristol palin pic
I know. I hate talking about Bristol Palin, too, and it’s a genuine hate—it’s not one of those things where you love to rag on the person, so you constantly go on and on about them (ahem, Lana Del Rey), I legitimately do not like talking about Bristol Palin. I think she’s a messed-up, backwards fool with abhorrent social ideas and a self-centeredness that could make even Paris Hilton look like an admirable humanitarian.

What I do want to talk about, however, since I went ahead and did it anyway, is Bristol’s face. On Dancing With the Stars. Because it looks even further tweaked than it has in the past, and I’m thinking Little Mommy went and got a facelift for her stint on DWTS‘ Allstars Whateverthef-ck. Compare: this is Bristol on the show the first time around:

photo of bristol palin dancing with the stars season 1 pic
And then this is from when she got her major “dental surgery”:

photo of bristol palin plastic surgery pictures
And finally, this is Bristol now, on this season of Dancing With the Stars:

photo of bristol palin new season dancing with the stars pic
And I’m not talking, like, major overhaul or anything, but it definitely looks like she’s been … well, tweaked. Again. And for that? Well. I do what I do every single time I have to write about Bristol Palin—I laugh. Because that’s what she makes me do, guys. Because she’s so dumb.

Levi Johnston Hates That His Kid is a Homophobe

photo of bristol palin tripp and levi johnston pictures
According to sources at TMZ, Levi’s gotten wind of just how bad a parent his ex-fiancee Bristol Palin is, and he’s hopping mad. But how mad is he? Well, he’s mad enough to drop posing in man-panties and impregnating other women and naming his offspring after a gun for five whole minutes, and he’s allegedly filing for primary custody of his and Bristol’s only son, Tripp.

If the case goes to family services, God only knows what kind of field day they’ll end up having. Bristol herself has admitted (ON REALITY TELEVISION) that she’s doing a horrible job parenting her son, and the idea of a child being raised via a reality TV series probably throws up all sorts of red flags as it were. In either case, things don’t look so good.

My opinion, however, is that neither of these idiots could parent a child to save their lives (let alone run their own lives as responsible “adults”), and that neither of these idiots should have the ability to procreate any more. What you’ve got here is two overgrown children who both figuratively and literally—respectively—live in their parents’ basements and who are playing tug-of-war over the only thing that’s really going to continue giving them any fame: the poor, exploited child who’s nothing more than a parrot for hateful speech and actions. Way to go, guys. You win at life.

But who knows. I’m not going to even say that Levi has the kid’s best interests at heart here, because honestly, this could all just be another elaborate plan hatched by Levi in order to get people talking about him once again. Maybe he doesn’t even care that his son says “faggot” or whatever and curse like a sailor. It’s probably that, you know?

God. These people kill me.

Quotables: Bristol Palin Isn’t Sorry For All That Reality TV

photo of bristol paliin 2012 plastic surgery pictures

“You’re going to talk about me if I’m in my little life in Alaska or if I’m in L.A., so I might as well just have fun with it. I just think that god provides opportunities like this, and you can either go out and do them or not do them.”

Bristol Palin on the recent announcement that she was chosen for the ‘Dancing With the Stars’ All-Star cast. Because, you know, people really, really care when her son’s got some new homophobic slurs that they need to hear, and to witness Bristol’s bad dancing and equally-bad parenting. Sure.

Thing is, Bristol? Here’s a little reality check—your mom’s no longer all that relevant, and you’re even less relevant than she, so no—people wouldn’t be talking about you if you were in Alaska because THEY’D FORGET ABOUT YOU. As it is, you’re in L.A., all up in people’s faces and televisions, and you’re a mockery to responsible young adults trying to make it on your own. You’re a joke and that’s why people are still talking about you.

Go away. Seriously.

Bristol Palin Is A Great Mom

If, for some strange reason, you find yourself not wanting to watch one minute and 38 seconds of Bristol Palin‘s parenting, let me summarize for you: Bristol takes her son, Tripp, with her to visit her sister, Willow. Tripp, who is four years old now (Bristol is 21, just so you know), is in that adorable “I hate you” stage that most children go through. Bristol tries to get him to stop saying it by telling him that God is watching him, but she starts laughing before she can finish. Tripp looks like he’s about to start a big ol’ hissy fit, and Bristol and Willow keep laughing. After another “I hate you,” Willow tells Tripp that if he doesn’t stop, she’s going to wash his mouth out with soap, and Tripp replies with “go away, you f-ggot.” Yeah. That’s still apparently funny to Bristol and Willow though, and then Bristol admits that she’s “doing a terrible job disciplining Tripp.” Right.

Look, I know that kids will hear bad words and repeat them, and I get that sometimes it’s kind of funny. But there’s a line, you know? One time, a kid that I was babysitting had apparently heard the word “shit” recently, and she kept repeating it. She’d just play with her toys and say it, over and over, and I explained to her that she shouldn’t be saying that word, but it was hard to keep a straight face when this tiny little toddler looked at me and exclaimed “shit! Shit!” But this other time, this other kid I was babysitting had heard someone say “adios, fat ass,” which is something that people say, I guess, and when she repeated that, it was definitely different. There was no laughter because what she was saying was mean, even though she didn’t know it, and there’s no chance that I was going to have any part in egging that on.

Babysitting is, I’m sure, a whole lot different than being a parent, but I can’t imagine watching your child call someone a f-ggot, especially when it’s clear that he has at least some grasp that the word is hurtful, and laughing. I would imagine that the conversation that would follow that would be a very serious one.

But hey, it’s not really that surprising that a Palin kid has homophobic slurs in his vocabulary, is it?