My apologies, friends. I know that we’ve already talked about Justin Bieber‘s sex life today, and that really should have been it. You shouldn’t have to hear about the specifics of any other douchey celebrities’ penis habits, and I know that. I just wish I could respect it.
But Charlie Sheen tweets during sex. How am I supposed to keep that to myself?
This wonderful news was brought to us by one of Charlie’s former goddesses, Bree Olson, a woman who is working on branching out of the porn industry by beginning a career in music. Her very first song, “Hollywood Douchebag,” has this lovely lyric:
“He’s posting twitter tweets during sex with me.”
But Bree, what is that supposed to mean?
“Charlie discovered Twitter when we started dating, so we had some funny experiences. I thought of him when I wrote that lyric. Yes, he would tweet in bed. He was really excited about twitter. I wasn’t offended by it at all. I thought it was more funny than anything.”
Please let’s just take a moment to picture this, ok? Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen having sex. Charlie Sheen, mid-thrust, reaching for his phone and typing some nonsense about tiger blood or “winning” or whatever other nonsense Charlie tweeted about it while he was on that infamous bender last year. Are you sufficiently grossed out yet?
All right then, see you guys in the morning!
July 17, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Emily
“He’s intelligent, he’s charismatic, he’s super funny. And he’s good in bed. I mean, he’s had a lot of practice… [he was] gentle and considerate. He’s just a rock star. He’s a powerhouse. He is a very sensual and sexual person, and when I was with him I felt as if we became one together, because he’s just so enticing sexually.”
I’m trying to think of something more gross than having sex with Charlie Sheen right now, and it’s hard. I’m actively going through activities in my head – getting spanked by Octomom? No, I could do that. A meth date with Lindsay? I’m all over it. But becoming one together with Charlie Sheen? Game over.
July 14, 2011 at 5:30 am by Emily
1Joey Fatone, Winnie From ‘The Wonder Years’ and One of Charlie Sheen’s Goddesses Are Making a Movie Together
I don’t know if this is the most ingenious casting job I’ve ever seen or just the craziest, but pornstar and current Charlie Sheen goddess Bree Olson is set to star in her first non-pornographic film, Mancation. The other two people cast whose names you may recognize? Danica Mckellar AKA Winnie Cooper and Joey Fatone AKA the grossest member of *NSYNC beside Chris and maybe Lance, depending on the day.
One thing’s for sure either way: Whoever’s behind this movie got me to type the word Mancation after reading this news, so they’re “winning,” so to speak.