Please just tell me that. Because your very life could depend on it. I know, I know, Beyonce and Jay-Z aren’t photographed together all that often (the photo that you see above is from two years ago), but trust me, they are married. They’re even allegedly having or already had a baby together. Got it? Now remember it.
Because, not to freak you out or anything, because if you forget this vital little piece of celebrity gossip, you could end up stabbed. And shhh, nobody’s trying to scare you! It’s ok! You probably won’t get stabbed for not knowing every single little thing about popular singers and actors! But you might. Because some guy in Ohio actually did get stabbed because he wasn’t aware of the sacred union of Bey and Jay:
A fight over a music video led to a Garfield Heights man being stabbed outside a Parma apartment on New Year Eve.
Det. Marty Compton of the Parma Police Department tells Fox 8 News that Ronald Deaver, 31, of Parma, was arrested and charged with felonious assault for allegedly stabbing a 48-year-old Garfield Heights man following an argument.
Det. Compton says the fight began because the victim did not know that singer Beyonce’s husband is rapper Jay-Z.
An arrest report obtained by Fox 8 News states the alleged stabbing occurred around 11:00 p.m. on December 31, 2011, outside Deaver’s apartment on Broadview Road.
Det. Compton says authorities were called following the stabbing and the victim was taken to a local hospital. He was later transferred to MetroHealth Medical Center where he is currently listed in good condition.
Police attempted to locate Deaver at his apartment, but according to the report, a woman in the residence, Jennifer Fornari, 31, told officers that Deaver no longer lived there.
Deaver was located by police a short time later and Fornari was arrested on an obstructing justice charge.
Ok, so good news: this guy has been arrested. He’s off the streets, so you don’t have to live in fear that the next time you’re walking down the street with a friend who offers up some good gossip that you haven’t heard yet, you’re getting knifed. Bad news: who knows how many other people like this character, this Ronald Deaver, are out there? People take this kind of stuff very seriously, but hey, I guess I don’t need to tell you that now though, huh?
To keep you guys safe when you’re out there in the real world, I’ve compiled a short list of celebrity facts that you might want to memorize, just in case you’re ever in this situation. Read them closely, you guys, and if you ever feel like you’re in danger, don’t be afraid to shout “JUSTIN BIEBER HAS A FOOT FETISH, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME.” Who knows, it might save your life.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar used to be a competitive figure skater.
- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley grew up on a farm and used to shoot pheasants and bunny rabbits.
- Scarlett Johansson won an award for having the best boobs in Hollywood.
- Nicolas Cage has severe vertigo.
- Christina Aguilera was drunk when she recorded the album version of “Beautiful.”
- Avril Lavigne once called herself “a Sid Vicious for the new generation.”
- Sarah Jessica Parker acted in a production of The Sound of Music when she was little, along with four of her siblings.
Ok, that’s a start. Just get those in your mind, and stay alert, you guys.