Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ben Affleck

Scarlett Johansson Is So Not Into Teeth Whitening. Or Normal Nostrils, For That Matter

16518947scarlettjohansson232009100224am

Last night was the LA premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You.  We already saw what anorex-shrek looked like, but what do you think of Scarlett Johansson’s new look?  I struggle every single time I write her last name.  I have a mental block against the spelling; the mnemonic device of “slutty Scarlett” has helped greatly.

Angie Dickinson Drew Barrymore was seen hugging Justin Long which should prompt a rash of “Drew and Mac Guy Reunited” stories; I was just grateful for the embrace so I didn’t have to look at the stains on his shirt or that frosted Revlon “Pink in the Afternoon” lipstick crap she’s so committed to lately.  Or her dress.  Or tongue ring…sigh.

The best Jennifer Aniston could do was an uncombed ponytail and unknown soap star, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, accessorized her Long John Silver’s uniform with croc shoe boots and a large patent leather maxi-pad.  Kevin Connolly is still cute, Ben Affleck wishes he was dead and Jimmy Fallon’s wife is getting better looking with time.

He’s Just Not That Into You Trailer

 

I was so happy that we no longer hear this HJNTIY phrase every three minutes and now I fear its resurgence. 

What chance of success do you think this movie has?  It has a huge cast including Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly and Kevin Connolly.  I just don’t think that the woman that needs to see this movie ever will.  Because she’s never going to think it applies to her.

I remember one specific girl I knew who had a years-long relationship with a guy who wasn’t into her.  He would tell her he didn’t love her and that they had no future and she would reply by asking him what he meant by that.  As if he could have been any clearer.  He would tell her to “fuck off” and she viewed that as him really making an effort to communicate.  He had a one-night stand and she believed that his bad judgement was a result of his fear of the intensity of feelings he had for her.  I tried to explain that sometimes a man is just not going to be interested enough.  And it’s not always for some big meaningful reason like they feel that they don’t deserve happiness.  So if you are trying to determine if a guy is into you or not, he isn’t.  Doesn’t seem like we should need a book and a movie to grasp that concept.

Oh, allow me to save you some time and eye strain; the answer is no.  No matter how many times you slo-mo, rewind, repeat, you cannot see Scarlett Johansson’s boobs at 1:45.

In Case You Hadn’t Noticed, Ben Affleck’s Voting for Barack Obama

baffleck2.jpg

Bennifer II — that is, Ben Affleck and Jen Garner, hosted a fundraising event for Barack Obama on Sunday in Ben’s home town of Boston.

Affleck said he and his wife were just doing “their part for society,” which isn’t at all heavy-handed and obnoxious, but whatever.

You know, sometimes Ben Affleck annoys the fuck out of me, but I’ll tell you what I do like about him: he’s a rehab success story. After being a total drunkie for awhile, he got his ass to rehab, cleaned up, and stayed the fuck sober. And now he’s all involved in politics and shit. Which is, you know, annoying, but, still. Good for him. I’m really waiting for Lindsay Lohan to pull this shit. She’s a smart girl, and I can just see her, somewhere along the line, being all sober and preaching politics to us. It’ll be annoying, too, but in a really cute way.