Today's Evil Beet Gossip

He’s Not a Tiger, He’s a Cheat-ah: Offers Tiger Woods $5M to Endorse Their Site

Ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha. I have to admit I totes stole the first part of that headline from my girlfriend, who made that joke last night and really caught me off-guard. I was like “OH MY GOD LIKE ANOTHER TYPE OF OVERSIZED, DANGEROUS CAT BUT SPELLED DIFFERENTLY TO HIGHLIGHT HIS INFIDELITY!” So funny. Wish I’d thought of it first.

The folks at — the “classy” online way to cheat on your spouse — have always had a crack PR team, and this Tiger Woods business is an opportunity for them to really shine. They’ve officially offered Tiger $5M for the “advertisement, endorsement, sale and promotion” of their website. Of course he’ll pass on the offer, but it’s great publicity. The whole Internet’s going to be like “ZOMG Ashley Madison offered Tiger Woods $5M to shill for them!” and then a bunch of people will be like, “Oooh, there’s a website I can use specifically to cheat on my wife?” and then everyone will go on the site just to look, nothing more, and then before they know what happened they’re in a long-term affair with some lip-injected nightlife hostess and their wife is beating their face in with a golf club on Thanksgiving.

In other news, porn company Vivid Entertainment has announced that they will pay $1 million to “any woman who has proof she was a paramour of Tiger Woods and will sign a contract with the studio.” Brilliant. Seriously the next time I hire a PR team I’m going to steal them away from a porn company.

Above find the Ashley Madison ad that was banned from the Super Bowl earlier this year.