For some reason, People decided to share this picture of a very Simpson Christmas, circa 1990, and I may not understand it, but I love it so. And honestly, what’s not to love? The Blossom hats. The sweaters – my God, the sweaters! The suavity of pre-crazy Mr. Simpson. I also love how my initial reaction was “oh, baby Jessica Simspon! Who’s that little girl next to her – ohhh …” Old family photos must be a little weird to look at post-plastic surgery.
But my favorite thing has to be how Jessica and Ashlee’s mother is none other than Britney Spears, who I sort of suspected but now am convinced is actually some sort of immortal, respawning life form. Think about it – that’s the only way she’d be able to survive these past few years. I’m sure if you flipped through the history books, you could find pictures of Ms. Spears working the factories during World War II and portraits of her in corsets and hoop skirts. Britney is forever, y’all. That is what we’ve learned today.
If you’ve ever wondered how truly tiny Ashlee Simpson is, just check out this photo of her holding her son Brox, who is like, a toddler (a really, really adorable one.) Either Bronx Wentz is the largest baby on the planet, or Ashlee Simpson is the smallest woman in the world. In some of these photos, if you squint your eyes, it almost looks like he’s carrying her.
Well, look. One of the faux-punk princesses of the early 2000s has gone back to her roots, so to speak. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, a born blonde and she who also achieved her weird sort of fame as a blonde, has gotten rid of the ‘edgy’ black that’s been her token ‘do since she decided that she wanted to be the darker half of the Simpson sisters and marry odd people like Pete Wentz.
Naturally, because Pete seems like such a front-putting, appearance-loving troll, there could be trouble brewing in paradise. Ashlee clearly looks so much less emo with her pretty blonde feathers, and that’s not what Petey’s all about.
What is he about, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. Flat irons, black eyeliner, My Chemical Romance, and cigarettes. I think before long Susy Sunshine’s going to start to grate on his nerves, and then he’ll start grating on his nerves, too. With a teardrop-covered razorblade.
At any rate, Ashlee, I like it. Just don’t expect a Pieces of Me revival anytime soon. Those days are long gone.
Remember that weirdness back in the early years of the new decade where Ashlee Simpson had her original nose and Fallout Boy and Good Charlotte and Sum-41 were all pretty popular and so were those black and white Vans loafers?
Ah, the Pete Wentz heyday.
Anyway, the couple formerly (and independently, of course) known as ‘punk rawk cool’ was photographed with their adorable son, Bronx Mowgli (yep, there’s that, um, rawkness again), on a playdate at a Sherman Oaks, CA park.
A couple of observations on these photos — Bronx is gigantic. I mean, really. I feel like he was just born last week or whatever, and here he is with a big boy sippy cup and riding the swings. Craziness. Ashlee is looking good, though a little on the thin side, but Pete, man. Why does Pete look like he’s about to kill himself in almost all of these pictures? Cheer the fuck up, dude. I know that emo used to be cool and what not, but get in the now. Enjoy your family and what you’ve got. Now it’s big boy time, so how ’bout we see a big boy smile?
I know there are like horses and shit at the Kentucky Derby, and that’s all great, but I really don’t care about that because EVERYONE LOOKS SO CUTE! The Kentucky Derby could very well be my favorite red carpet event for fashion, and I don’t care what that says about me as a person, I unapologetically love it.
Above is Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz being the most adorably dressed people in the entire world. Seriously, look at them and tell me they’re not. You cannot do it, and if you could, it would be a lie.
Below are assorted pictures of my favorite looks, including Jesse Spencer, Rebecca Romijn, Fran Drescher, and Johnny Weir.
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz decided to throw the photogs in New York for a loop when they stepped out wearing these masks yesterday in NYC. The two went for a walk around their ‘hood in matching all black outfits and stopped in to an antique store and a costume store, where they picked up their new face gear. What do you think about the two of them as a couple? Part of me thinks they could make it work forever because they seem so similar, but another part of me is convinced that once they outgrow their childlike attitudes, they will outgrow each other.
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz took baby Bronx on a walk in Manhattan yesterday and she looked more comfortable and at-home than we’ve seen her look in awhile. First of all, I am so glad she’s back to the dark hair. Did anyone else think Ashlee was adorable back in the day when she had her MTV show with her old nose and that mullet? I loved her. She was so spunky. Ever since she went back to blond, took off that old nose of hers and then went red, I’ve been a little bummed out about her. However, it looks like she’s in her groove again. She’s supposedly doing great in Chicago on Broadway, she’s got her kid and a cute, funny husband. More of that, Ashlee! More of that!