Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Anna Faris

Anna Faris’ Cat Sparks Huge Twitter Backlash

Photo: Chris Pratt with Anna Faris at the Emmys, September 18, 2011

Anna Faris is ready to start a family with her hubby, actor Chris Pratt of “Parks and Recreation” and Moneyball! Yaaaay! They are going to have the cutest, funniest, most talented babies.

But before the loving couple gets down to work (heh), they need to tie up some loose ends. So: Chris Pratt asked his Twitter followers whether anyone were interested in adopting Anna’s beloved cat.

Bad move! Reports Us,

Unfortunately, Pratt’s inquiry was met with a several rude comments and even death threats, prompting the actor to address the situation on his official website.

“To those of you somehow hung up on the notion that I kicked the walker out from underneath our cat and threw her into the streets, first of all, cats don’t use walkers, so that’s a ridiculous notion,” Pratt wrote. “Secondly, I found my aging cat a g—damn loving home! Ease up with the death threats for Heaven’s sake!”

It looks like Mr. Pratt removed his blog post shortly after, and Google Cache has no memory of it. Grr!

I really feel for Chris Pratt. Don’t get me wrong—I would never get rid of my boyfriend’s cat. Or any cat! And I say that as a person who is allergic to cats (not deathly, no, but palpably).

But my best friend is an expectant mother, and her heart is totally crushed: she probably/definitely has to give up her beloved cat, Elton. Mind you, this isn’t like a weird 1700s superstition thing. That demon-cat has been feral since he was a kitten, and he has only become more freaking sinister these last ten years. He always slinks into the guest bedroom in the middle of the night and claws me in the eye. I have to lock the door! I’m telling you, given the chance, that cat would totally gnaw a baby’s face off. Fact.

Anna Faris, Just What Do You Think You’re Doing

Anna Faris in Sacha Baron Cohen's next movie

ANNA FARIS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

US Magazine wonders whether this is a wig, and that is some wishful thinking, US Magazine. It’s like, just, OK, this is not a wig; if only this were a wig.

Anna Faris is a natural blonde—I know, I know, not that natural, I do have eyes—and until a couple weeks ago her bobbed haircut was so pretty and glossy and, well, kind of wig-like. But we loved it, right? It was such fun, happy hair, for happier, funner times.

But this new look is… dour, somehow? Whose idea was this hair? It’s awful. It’s so brown. It’s so short, so brown. I can’t wrap my head around the wherefores, but her haircut somehow makes her look her age, and in the worst possible way (SHE’S 34). This is Mom Hair.

And I’ll tell you what else. I love short hair. Short hair is the best. I got my first pixie cut when I was 18, trying to cash in on my “elfin chic.” But I absolutely did not know what I was doing, what with the whole new world of pomades and sprays and gels opened up to me. And so I had a serious, retroactively-humiliating case of the Crispies. Every strand of hair was immutable. My hair was so crispy, I once leaned in for a kiss and poked the guy IN HIS EYE with my anime hair.

A few years slipped by before I really understood how to make my short hair not-crispy. You think it’s easy? It isn’t. I have trodden this path before, and it was a long, hard road.

So I think I can understand what’s happening here: Anna Faris woke up Monday morning, showered, pooled a dollop of expensive product in the palm of her left hand, rubbed her hands together, ran her palms through her too-short ‘do, picked at her bangs for a minute, and then shouted, “Good to go!” And then Anna Faris high-fived the mirror, leaving a smudgy little handprint made of Pureology residue.

NO, ANNA FARIS. NO. You were not good-to-go! Contrary to whatever your liar stylist told you, this is not “wake up in the morning and go directly outside” hair. Short hair is an entirely new language. Learn your hair, my beloved Anna Faris. LEARN YOUR HAIR.

I am only telling you this because I love you. I will check in from time to time to see how you’re doing.

Anna Faris Marries, No One Notices

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House Bunny’s Anna Faris has been engaged to that Chris Pratt dude — the one who had the pleasure of co-starring with Mischa Barton on the O.C. — since 2008.  As it turns out, they actually got married over a month ago in Bali.  Which could mean one of two things:  Their people were completely masterful at orchestrating a secret ceremony or no one really cared.

In April, Beet mentioned that the Anna of today looks nothing like the Anna of before.  I planned on including an “Anna My, Hasn’t Your Face Changed? Faris” photo gallery, but the agency that had the best vintage Anna photos, wasn’t cooperating with me today.  Like there will every be another time that any gossip blogger is going to want to download 31 pictures of Anna Faris’ face.

Anyway, suffice it to say, she does look like a completely different human being.  Congrats to Chris Pratt and his robo-bride!