0Jennifer Lawrence Is Also Trying to Steal Angelina’s Man

That Jennifer Lawrence sure gets around, huh? The word was that she was texting Miley Cyrus‘ man, Liam Hemsworth, all hours of the night, and now the new gossip is that she’s set her sights a little higher. Like, “Brad Pitt” higher.

From Hollywood Life:

Angie is so jealous that Brad has been texting the 21-year-old actress and she told Brad to ‘stop drooling’ over her — do you agree with Angelina?

Brad Pitt has yet another Jennifer in his life but this time it’s Jennifer Lawrence. A new report in Star claims that Brad became infatuated with Jennifer after seeing an advanced screening of The Hunger Games.

“Brad hasn’t stopped talking about how gorgeous, poised and talented Jennifer is,” an insider tells Star. “Brad is determined to find a project to collaborate on.”

But the one person that can’t stand listening to Brad’s new obsession is his partner and mother of his six kids, Angelina Jolie!

“She warned him to act his age and stop drooling over a girl young enough to be his daughter. She even hit him with the jab, ‘which Jennifer are you talking about?’”

But the big meltdown took place when Angie caught Brad texting Jennifer! They reportedly exchanged contact information at the Academy Awards.

“Angie absolutely freaked out,” the source says. Angie left Brad and jetted off to Amsterdam for three days and even forbade Brad from going to the LA premiere!

Can we toss around some theories about what kind of texting skills Jennifer Lawrence must have? If it’s causing dissension in two relationships, then it must be some damn good stuff, right?

No, of course I’m being silly. Jennifer Lawrence is beautiful and perfect, and she has obviously enchanted me along with Liam Hemsworth and Brad Pitt. If I were in a position to text with her, then I’d be worried about the state of my relationship too. She’s that powerful.

And no, I haven’t seen The Hunger Games yet, so just your horses, ok? I am getting into the second book, Catching Fire, though, and the movie based on that book isn’t due out until November of 2013, so I think it’s safe to say that we have plenty of time to obsess over this whole thing.

March 23, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily

6Dr. Drew Thinks Angelina Jolie Is Malnourished

Oh, that Dr. Drew, what a scoundrel! He has quite the habit of upsetting people by talking about celebrities and their problems without ever actually meeting them, doesn’t he? Whether you love him or hate him, we’ll get to that in a minute, but for now, let’s hear what he has to say this time about Angelina Jolie:

Dr. Drew Pinsky took to “The View” (weekdays on ABC) on Friday to speak out about Angelina Jolie, who he believes, from watching her at the Oscars, is “malnourished.”

“I’m tired of keeping quiet about this stuff. When I was quiet about prescription drug use and then everyone starts dying, now I feel an obligation to speak up: She’s malnourished. She has the [physical signs] … of malnutrition,” he said.

Dr. Drew went on to speculate as to what may be going on with Jolie’s health. He cited an US Weekly report that claimed she may have been depriving herself of food in order to “make a statement about the kids in Africa that she was working with that didn’t have a chance to eat,” according to Dr. Drew. “I just see malnutrition for some reason there, and we shouldn’t look at that as an ideal of beauty,” he continued. “She’s a beautiful woman, but she needs to be better nourished.”

I’m sure there’s going to be a number of people who are upset by this, but Dr. Drew doesn’t get it, and honestly, I don’t really get it either. I mean, check out what Angelina Jolie looked like during the Oscars one more time:

I could say that she looked malnourished, and I seriously doubt anyone would call me out on it, let alone get seriously upset about it, but Dr. Drew is different. It’s because he’s an actual doctor, right? Then why does no one get all up in arms when a plastic surgeon speculates on the work some celebrity has had done without ever treating them personally? Is it because he usually discusses deeper things than lip injections and nose jobs? Really, I’m actually curious about all this.

But yeah, I wouldn’t be too surprised if Angelina actually was malnourished, would you? Girl’s got to get some meat on them bones in the worst way.

March 3, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily

7Brad And Angelina Were Going to Get Married, But Then …

What? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were going to get married, but then what? Brad and Angelina were going to get married, but then Brad got too annoyed with Angelina’s leg at the Oscars and called the whole thing off until she could learn how to correctly hold her limbs? Brad and Angelina were going to get married, but then Brad realized that a wedding ring could very possibly be too much weight for Angelina’s fragile arms to support, and he didn’t want to put that strain on her?

No, neither of those, friends, sorry. The correct answer is “Brad and Angelina were going to get married, but then Angelina heard Brad telling little Maddox about Jennifer Aniston, and now she’s too pissed.” Snap.

From OK magazine via Hollywood Life:

Angelina Jolie, 36, and Brad Pitt, 48, are temporarily calling off their wedding because of what Brad told son Maddox about his ex-wife, reports OK!mag.

The 10-year-old happened to see an online article about Jennifer Aniston, 43, and had asked Brad who she was.

“Brad didn’t realize that Angie was home, and so he basically just told Maddox the truth: that Jennifer was a woman he loved very much and was once married to,” said a source to the mag. “But that’s when Angelina walked in.”

Although Brad thought he had taken steps to keep his kids from knowing his past with Jen, apparently, the Internet happened!

“Angie went berserk and said he was stupid not to supervise Maddox’s Internet use,” said the source. “She knows this is just the start. They have six kids who are all going to get older and want to know everything about their parents’ pasts.”

The source also said that Jen is still a “sore spot” for Angie and that after Maddox left the room, she flipped out on Brad and screamed that “she didn’t want to get married to someone who’d been married to Jennifer Aniston.”

After they exchanged nasty words, Brad took off on his motorcycle and things haven’t been the same since, confided the source.

At this point, there have been so many stories about a wedding for Brad and Angelina that I’m never going to believe it until one or both of them actually confirm it themselves, and I’m sure many of you agree with that. The thing I want to talk about is how incredibly awkward this scenario would be.

Could you imagine being the child of a celebrity? Like a huge, huge celebrity like, say, Lindsay Lohan. You’re Lindsay Lohan’s kid, and you’re seven or eight or something, and you’re screwing around online. If you wanted to, you could read anything about your mom. You could see pictures of your mom’s labia, you could see pictures of your mom shooting up, you could see videos of your mom buying drugs. You could find a timeline of your mom’s crack use or a photo gallery of her boobs. You could read hundreds of people say cruel, offensive things about your mom, Lindsay Lohan. Wouldn’t that be so bizarre?

Oh, but hey, I sure hope they go through with that wedding, huh? It’ll be any day now, for real this time!

March 1, 2012 at 11:30 am by Emily

11Oscars 2012: Angelina’s Leg

I don’t know whether you know this, but the Academy Awards were last night. A bunch of people won Oscar statuettes. Um. I’d sure love to tell you all about the ceremony, but I can’t right now. I’m too distracted.

I’m too distracted by Angelina Jolie‘s leg.

Somehow I missed Angelina on the pre-ceremony red carpet—I was watching a movie, OK?—but fortunately for me, Angie was sure to strike an identical pose just as soon as she arrived onstage to present awards for both “Best Original Screenplay” and “Best Adapted Screenplay.”

I am not even kidding. She strutted to the microphone, thrust that leg all the way out of the slit in her dress’s skirt, put her hand on her hip as if she were doing “I’m a little teapot” choreography, and she stared the audience down.

The audience burst into whoops and giggles. (Angelina also tee-heed, as if she were somehow fully aware of her semi-dislocated right leg.)

This display of leg immediately prompted Reuters’ very own Anthony De Rosa to tweet my favorite commentary of the night: “You take the wing, I’ll take the thigh.”

But that wasn’t all! As soon as The Descendants‘ Oscar-winning screenwriter Jim Rash (um, he also plays DEAN PELTON on COMMUNITY, you guys!) took to the stage to collect his trophy, he immediately struck the same pose:

Before ceremony’s end, I was already following Angelina Jolie’s Leg on Twitter. “Look at meeee!!” it tweeted. “Leg here!” it continued.

Hmm. I wonder what Angie’s leg will say once it gets a good night’s sleep. Seriously, lay off the sauce, leg.

(Image gallery via “The 10 Best Pictures of Angelina Jolie’s Right Leg” at Buzzfeed.)

February 27, 2012 at 4:30 am by Jenn

1Which Celebrity Would You Like to Have as A Neighbor?

Me, I picked Courtney Stodden. Not only is she a true American, as you can see in the classy photo above, but we could trade makeup tips, she could show me where to get cool and stylish arm bands, and I could figure out the best, most tactful way to tell her that none of her shoes fit and it looks gross. Yes, Courtney Stodden would make a fine, fine neighbor.

But you know what? Apparently this real estate blog called Zillow does this survey every year in which they ask people which celebrity they would most like to have as a neighbor and which celebrity would be the absolute worst neighbor. And you know who was named the most desirable neighbor? The person who most people would want to have next door? Tim Tebow. Ugh, can you imagine? How boring. I’d be like “Tim, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, if you’re going to kneel and pray again, do it in your own damn yard.”

Still, good ol’ Tebow managed to bring in 11% of votes. Brad and Angelina weren’t far behind though: they got 10%. Following Brangelina was Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux at 9%, Jennifer Lopez with 6%, Beyonce and Jay-Z with 5%, and for whatever reason, Nancy Grace and Kim Kardashian tied with 4% of the votes. The remainder of the vote was split between “other” and “none of the above,” though I can’t figure out why the survey would have both of those choices.

But what about the survey for the least desirable neighbor? How would that vote turn out? For me, my neighbors in real life have had loud screaming matches that I can hear every word of from my apartment (it’s two couples living in a two bedroom apartment, and one of the dudes has a lady on the side that his lady in the apartment has a pretty good idea about), they do laundry for 40 hours straight (I counted), and they left dog feces wrapped in a napkin in front of our window, and that was just this week! So I can’t really think of any celebrity worse than that, so … wait. Courtney Love sets things on fire in her home. That might be worse.

According to America, however, the cast of Jersey Shore win the highest honors with 28% of voters naming them the worst neighbors. Next is Charlie Sheen with 21%, Lindsay Lohan with 14%, Kim Kardashian with 13%, Nancy Grace and Brad and Angelina are tied at 3%, Anthony Weiner had 2% of votes, and the rest, again, were either “other” or “none of the above.”

But what about you, friends? Is there any celebrity that you think would be a delight to have as a neighbor, or any that would be absolutely horrible? Are you still trying to figure out why any number of people would want to live next to Jennifer Lopez? Because I’m there too. We don’t have to be alone in this.

January 7, 2012 at 6:00 am by Emily

1Angelina Jolie Isn’t Very Social, Loves Her Family, And “Could End Up Pregnant”

Can I tell you guys a secret? I really think that Angelina Jolie is a little boring. I know that it’s because I got into celebrity gossip after she was already done drinking blood and making out with her brother and doing heroin, but, no joke, the most fun I’ve ever had writing anything about Angelina Jolie was that time I discovered that she had a problem with velvet. That’s what this woman has come to: fabrics and her caravan of kids. I’m not saying that’s a bad life or that she should change, but in a world where we have Courtney Stodden obsessing over felatting Santa Claus, she’s going to get overlooked.

But today, we have excerpts from a pretty adorable interview Angelina did with Marie Claire, so today, Angelina Jolie is appreciated:

On the movie she wrote and directed, In the Land of Blood and Honey: Her latest film reveals the horrors of the war in the former Yugoslavia through the romance between Danijel, a Serbian office, and a Muslim woman named Ajla. The film is shot in the Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian language and it is subtitled in English. ”I think it is still hard to understand what happened, and how it could happen 40 minutes away from Italy in the ’90s, at the time ‘Schindler’s List’ came out,” Angelina says. “You can’t make sense of something that innately doesn’t make sense: to rape and kill your neighbor with whom you have lived forever,” she added.

On writing the screenplay: Jolie told Marie Claire that writing the movie began as “an excuse to get out some of my frustrations [with] the international community and justice issues. I just assumed nobody would ever see or read it.” The 36-year-old actress then admitted that, “Some of the very darkest sections were probably conceived in Shiloh’s art class; I was in the back corner, waiting for the kids to finish. And then somehow it slowly ended up being read by Brad, and then friends. There was a discussion of making it, and I just was terrified to hand it over to anybody. It wasn’t that I said, ‘I’m going to write something, and I want to direct it.’”

On friends: “Well, I have a few girlfriends. I just…I stay home a lot. I’m just not very social. I don’t do a lot with them, and I’m very homebound.”

On retiring: “That doesn’t mean I’m stopping tomorrow. But I woke up one day realizing, God, I’m an actor. I don’t think I intended to be an actor. I think my mother wanted it for me. I loved telling stories, and I enjoyed the profession, but it is too late to be something else?,” the actress says.

On her family: The actress told the magazine that Pitt “has expanded my life in ways I never imagined. We built a family. He is not just the love of my life, he is my family. I hold that very dear.”  She also confesses that she is very thankful to Brad. “I suppose what I’ve learned from Brad is to be able to have the kind of family whose happiness and well-being comes before your own. I’m very, very grateful to have such a loving family, and I wouldn’t have that without him,” Angelina explains.

On the kids and the possibility of more: “If they see Mommy and Daddy in need of some private time ’cause they’re going to kiss and whatever, the kids get all giggly and happy. Because it gives them some security,” Jolie says.  What about having another baby? “Nothing planned at the moment, but we just don’t know. I could end up pregnant,” Angelina says.

On the children’s thoughts of marriage: Jolie admits that, “They have mentioned it, yes. If you take it in an emotional way, you think, Ohhh, the children! They don’t feel secure enough! But then you think, Now, wait a minute: They think a wedding is a party with a four-layer tiered cake!”

So, there you have it. She might not drink blood anymore but, as of right now, she is pretty damn cute, right?

December 9, 2011 at 5:30 am by Emily