Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Angelina Jolie

BREAKING NEWS: Angelina Jolie Is Very, Very Skinny

angelina jolie skinny

Angelina Jolie seems to have been lying low lately. She’s was in London doing good things; she appeared at the G8 Summit, raising awareness for victims of sexual violence in warzones in the Middle East. From The Huffington Post:

The Hollywood star joined British Foreign Secretary William Hague in announcing $36 million in additional funding from G-8 nations to go toward a series of measures for preventing sexual violence and ensuring justice for its survivors.

For too long, Jolie said, survivors of sexual violence have been “the forgotten victims” of wars in the Middle East, Africa and elsewhere.

“Today, I believe that their voices have been heard,” she said alongside Hague, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, and others at a meeting of foreign ministers from G-8 nations.

Despite her charitable efforts, she still managed to land a spot on the 20 Most Hated Celebrities List (#15).

Now she’s back in LA and selling wine or whatever latest pet hobby she and Brad Pitt are focused on.

It wasn’t until The Daily Mail posted these photos of a very skinny Angelina that I thought, whoa. Yeah, she’s always been thin — hence the very sarcastic “BREAKING NEWS” headline — but this seems really extreme. Look at her hand compared to her wrist! And look at her legs.What is happening here?

She and Kate Bosworth are rapidly shrinking. I think It’s alarming. Or is this just the new normal for how female celebrities look?

angelina jolie skinny

Angelina Jolie Flies UK Goodies Back to LA For Brad Pitt

brad pitt angelina jolie

Today in “problems I can relate to”, Angelina Jolie has apparently been using hers and Brad Pitt‘s private jet to fly some of Brad’s favourite English food back to Los Angeles for him. Apparently he’s been missing his favourite curry spots and other things that the UK just does better, like baked beans and sweets and shit. Having just returned from living in England (and looking forward to moving back ASAP), I can feel Brad’s pain. There’s no such thing as a 44p bottle of no sugar added lemon squash here in New York City. No, you have to pay $7 for an imported one. Boo! As for the curry, there’s just no substitute for that.

From The Sun:

She had a special consignment of lamb bhuna, chicken korma and chicken tikka picked up from Brad’s favourite curry house in Surrey.

A source said: “Brad is back in America and has been longing for a decent curry.

“He really misses their Indian takeaway nights from when they lived in Surrey last year. Angelina arranged as a surprise for a load of it to be cooked and flash-freeze packed for her to fly home.

“So while she was at the G8, she sent her bodyguard Ray and eldest son Maddox to collect it and to stock up with more treats.

“They even got a load of Kingfisher and Cobra beer for Brad to wash it all down with.”

It helps when you can pack it all in on a private jet. It would be a struggle with the Easyjet baggage allowance.

Angelina and Maddox were reunited with Brad and the rest of the brood in LA at the weekend.

It was a sweet moment.

Because as well as the curry — and cans of sausages and baked beans — they’d also stocked up on jelly babies, Galaxy Ripple bars and several six packs of Irn Bru — which isn’t sold in their posh neighbourhood of Los Feliz.

Galaxy doesn’t hold a candle to Cadbury and Irn Bru isn’t really my jam, but hey, to each his own. I can’t really speak for the beer thing as I’m more of a cider girl myself, but I guess they weren’t all that into their own wine. Ugh, now I want cider and blackcurrant. And, you know, a private jet. Damn you, Brangelina!

Here Are The Top 20 Most Hated Celebs In Hollywood…And Chris Brown Isn’t Even In The Top 5

katherine heigl sucks
Chris Brown is a hated celebrity but apparently not as much as Anne Hathaway (which James Franco totally gets, btw). Star magazine released their super scientific list of top 20 most hated Hollywood celebrities. Weirdly Jay Leno is more hated than Chris Brown, which is making me laugh really hard. Here’s the stupid list:

20. Chris Brown
19. Jesse James
18. Taylor Swift
17. Shia LaBeouf
16. Lindsay Lohan
15. Angelina Jolie
14. Jay Leno
13. Ashton Kutcher
12. LeAnn Rimes
10 and 11. Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian
9. Anne Hathaway
8. Justin Bieber
7. Madonna
6. Matt Lauer
5. Katherine Heigl
4. John Mayer
3. Jennifer Lopez
2. Kristen Stewart
1. Gwyneth Paltrow

This is a pretty good list. I’m shocked to see that Kanye West isn’t on here. I love him but I thought he was one of the most hated people around. I’m not sure if he’s psyched or pissed not to be included. I also didn’t realize that people hated Matt Lauer this much. Damn. Too bad this poll was taken after Justin Bieber’s idiotic Anne Frank statement or I’m sure he would be higher up. Kristen Stewart now has the dubious honor of being one of the most hated and least attractive female celebrities. Hey, good for her! At least she’s good at stuff!

Who is your ultimate most hated celebrity?

Angelina Jolie Denies Marrying Brad Pitt, But Isn’t Very Convincing

brad pitt angelina jolie

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are apparently getting married sometime soon and everyone (especially Jennifer Aniston, LOLZ)  wants to know when, but they’re not telling. The reports of a possible secret wedding during Christmas 2012  have been circulating for months, ever since Angie started wearing a wedding ring on her wifey finger, so of course every reporter she deigns to give a few precious moments of her time wants to know if they’re already married or what.

From TMZ:

LOL, “No, it is not [a wedding ring].” Well, that’s convincing.

Personally, I couldn’t care less when (or if) these two walk down the aisle. I think they should just buy a private island and take their 8,000 kids and just be away from society as large forever. What do you think, though? Secretly married already?

People Were Fiending For That Brad and Angelina Wine, I Guess

brad pitt angelina jolie pics

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt decided to put out their own wine earlier this month and it was apparently a pretty shrewd business choice, as it’s all sold out already pretty much everywhere in the first 24 hours. Note to buyers: this shit is not polyjuice potion. You will not suddenly look like Brad or Angie by drinking their shitty alcohol. At $139 for a case, it needs to have magical properties because I’m a cheapskate.

From Yahoo News:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s first wine has gone down a storm with buyers.

The Hollywood couple have unveiled their Miraval Rose 2012, which was produced at their southern French estate of Chateau Miraval.

It’s the first Miraval vintage stamped by Brangelina, in a joint venture with established vintner Marc Perrin. The back label reads “bottled by Jolie-Pitt and Perrin”.

A Perrin family spokesman said the first 6,000 bottles put on sale online on Thursday were bought within five hours. The wine sold for 105 euro (£91, $139) for a six-bottle case.

The wine, in a bottom-heavy, champagne-like bottle, goes on sale to restaurants and wholesalers later this month.

I don’t know, I kind of don’t get the draw. I suppose Brangelina fans are going to grab it up, but do Brangelina actually have 6,000 fans? (Well, 1,000, since that’s how many cases there were.) I guess I’d try it for a laugh – so long as it was free.

Jolie Tells Pitt He Sucks In Bed; Pitt Gets Hammered

brad pitt angelina

Oh man, I love the National Enquirer. Jest all you like, but half of the time they get their stories right and before anyone else. The other half of the time I think they just make shit up and I think this falls under that half.

Apparently Angelina Jolie told Brad Pitt that compared to Colin Farrell he sucks in bed and now Brad Pitt is an alcoholic or something.

from The National Inquirer

Brad caught Angie red-handed, admitting that she thinks he’s a so-so lover. Ever since then, he’s been on a drunken rampage – consuming copious amounts of his favorite beer and red wine…he’s showed no signs of slowing down on the booze. He’s been drink­ing to forget about the image of Angie and Colin together.

One might ask, how did he catch her “red-handed”? Was she spray-painting “COLIN FARRELL IS BETTER AT SEX THAN BRAD PITT” on their garage? No. Allegedly Jolie was talking on the phone to ex Billy Bob Thornton while Pitt was out but then he forgot his wallet and then this scene from Beverly Hills, 90210 played out:

As he walked into their bedroom, Brad overheard Angie say that he was a great guy, but Colin was the best lover she’d ever had! Then Angie told Billy Bob that her love life with Brad had gone cold, and she missed the wild, passionate sex she’d had with Colin!

Who was there to know this private information? This is like when Charles Foster Kane died whispering his last words, “Rosebud” but the nurse was in the other room. Whatever, this is great, let’s just keep going with this. Brad “exploded” and,

Demanded that Angie tell him everything about her relationship with Colin. She told Brad that she fell in love with Colin because he was dangerous and spontaneous. She also copped to sending Colin sexy pictures, dirty voice-mails and sexually explicit let­ters during their fling. Angie admitted that she had hoped for a future, includ­ing marriage and kids, with Colin, but he wasn’t ready. She couldn’t deny to Brad that he was her second choice! [...] she thrives on making him jealous.

So now Brad Pitt is all sad and not wanting to marry her, like ever, and is telling her she can’t talk to Colin Farrell.

Okay.

Brangelina Want You To Get Crunk Off Their New Wine

Everyone knows that wine is only good for vineyards, first dates and the desperate and otherwise dry. Still, lots of people seem to like it because it’s classy and you can drink it by the bottle without feeling like the alcoholic you probably are, so it only makes sense that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have gotten in on the action and are releasing their own range, fresh from their very own vineyard!

From Decanter:

Under the agreement, the Perrin family, long-term owners of Château Beaucastel in Chateauneuf-du-Pape, and one of the most renowned names in the Rhone Valley, are now responsible for both the winemaking and distribution of the Jolie-Pitts’ Château Miraval in Correns.

The Perrins began working with the estate from harvest 2012, Marc Perrin told Decanter.com. Mutual friends put the two sides in touch, he said.

When the Jolie-Pitts first moved in to Château Miraval they signed a three-year lease to rent the 500-ha estate, but its AOC Côtes de Provence continued to be made by the previous winemaker.

They have since purchased the property – reportedly for around US$60m – and have been carrying out extensive renovations.

‘The focus will now be more about Miraval itself that any specific cuvée,’ said Perrin. ‘They (the Jolie-Pitts) want to ensure they are making the best Provence wines they can. They were present at the blending sessions this year, and are relooking at everything from the installations in the winery – where we have already switched to stainless steel tanks – to reworking the labels across the range of wines.’

The first Perrin-made Miraval rosés should be on the market next month, March 2013, with the white wines arriving at the end of the summer.

I generally think most wines taste like a fresh blend of stewed ass (besides Riesling – I do like Riesling), so I don’t particularly have high hopes for this. I’d rather a cider – or better yet, an aged Scotch whisky – if I’m going to drink at all. However, I’m sure idiots will buy this by the bucketload simply for the Brangelina name.

Speaking of Brangelina, I’m not sure if this sounds totally like them or not at all like them. They tend to pass by the mainstream celeb entrapments like product endorsements (save Chanel, but that’s couture) and the like, but at the same time, money talks. What do you think? Will you be ponying up for some Miraval?