15Can You Even Imagine How Amazing This Will Be?

Tim Burton’s on this whole fairy tale kick as of late and while both Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland were kind of “eh” in my opinion, I am all about what’s rumored to be his next project: Maleficent. And guess who’s might be playing the lead? The only person who could, of course: Angelina Jolie.

Maleficent! Remember that bitch? The evil fairy godmother from Sleeping Beauty? Burton wants to re-tell the classic story from her point of view. Now you know that that’s going to be off the chain. It’s been a minute since I’ve seen a big-budget movie staring a kick-ass female and look at the Disney version of the same character from years ago:

OK, yeah. I’ll be seeing this if it gets made. Don’t go too crazy, Burton. Don’t mess this one up.

March 29, 2010 at 10:27 am by Molls

31Because How Is a 3-Year-Old Girl Supposed to Develop Any Sense of Self in the Absence of Barbies?

I MEAN HOW WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A VAGINA LOOKS LIKE IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BARBIE????

Oh, wait.

Shut up, stupid magazine.

March 5, 2010 at 2:30 pm by Evil Beet

29Never Forget That Jon Voight is The Original Michael Lohan

Jon Voight and Angelia Jolie recently reconciled after years of not speaking, and you’d think that Jon would have learned a thing or two about keeping his mouth shut over the years, but luckily he didn’t. Luckily for us, I mean. I’m sure it’s a living hell for Angelina to have a father like this.

The actor went to Radar Online to discuss his reunion with Angelina and while he’s not exactly a pro like Michael Lohan when it comes to ruining his daughter’s life, the guy’s not bad. Here are some choice quotes:

“It was just wonderful to spend time with Angelina and Brad and the children. I’ve been waiting so long to hug my grandchildren and it was amazing, they are the most beautiful, loving kids you could imagine and I’m not just saying that because I’m their grandfather, they really are something special.”

“Angelina and Brad are so happy together and they are the most amazing, loving parents I’ve ever seen. It truly moved me to see how Angie is as a mom, I am so proud of her – she has so much love to give and to share with the children and with Brad.”

“Angie and I have been in contact on the phone and by email for some time now. We’ve been working towards a full reconciliation for a while. Angie had to feel it was the right time to bring me into the lives of her and the kids and after some work she decided the moment had arrived.”

You see, it’s not that anything he said was bad, it’s just that he’s saying it at all. He paints his daughter, her man and their children in a wonderful light but, uh… STFU, Jon! Either this guy doesn’t actually care about having a relationship with his daughter or he’s completely insane. Either way, how sad for Angelina that this is her father.

February 25, 2010 at 1:03 pm by Molls

43Who The Hell Are You Two Trying To Convince?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want us to know that not only are they soooo not breaking up, but they love each other enough to suck face in the middle of the street. Does it matter if their kids are there? No! Let them see the love that mommy and daddy share! Does it matter that there’s a strange man taking their photo across the street? All the better! Let these two crazy-in-love fools show the rest of the world how to do the damn thing.

I give them another year, tops.

February 24, 2010 at 12:46 pm by Molls

134Send Them Back!

I swiped these pictures of Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt from JustJared so I could show you how surprisingly not adorable the twins turned out to be. Well, they’re no Shiloh, anyway. Sure, sure. They’re still above average-looking and will probably grow up to be obnoxiously foxy adults, but for right now I am finding comfort in the fact that not everything that comes out of Angelina Jolie’s body is perfect. Let me have that.

February 22, 2010 at 1:16 pm by Molls

5Angelina Jolie Reconciles with Father, Jon Voight

Jolie and her father, actor Jon Voight, haven’t been on speaking terms since 2001, when he used a television appearance to make a public appeal for his daughter to get help for “her serious mental problems.”

But things may be looking up for their father/daughter relationship. This afternoon, the two were photographed boarding a water taxi together in Venice, along with Brad and a few of the adorable Captain Planeteers.

While riding in a taxi together isn’t exactly indisputable proof that they’ve worked out all their problems, it’s a good sign that they are at least talking to each other.

February 21, 2010 at 6:36 pm by Kelly