See that picture up there? It’s Adrien Brody. And his new girlfriend. And they’re doing a really good job of feeling each other up on a boat in Saint Tropez. And now I want to punch myself in the face for having had to see this today, on a Friday, when the rest of the week had gone so well.
And what the hell is this!
I’m not going to even pretend to have an answer for that.
Adrien’s new girlfriend’s name is Lara Leito, and she’s a nobody as far as I’m aware, and this is the kind of stuff that she puts up on her Tumblr account:
So that probably means that she’s angling to marry Adrien Brody, and if MY Adrien Brody decides to go ahead and marry this vapid-looking bitch (I mean come on, check out this photo):
Then I seriously might have to … I don’t know, reconsider the irrational passion I hold within my heart for dear, sweet confused Adrien Brody, who’s probably just looking for a nice girl to settle down with.
And it’s not this bitch:
Come on. Can we say “fake”? Does this photo of a poor, worn-out Adrien tell you guys nothing?
Man. Sadness, guys. SADNESS.
July 6, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
This is like my lucky day. No, f-ck “like.” This is my lucky day. The only thing that could make this day luckier is if I were on that boat in Cannes with Adrien Brody while he’s shirtless and drinking junky white wine. Seriously, no bad can happen today (knock on wood). I was making coffee in the wee hours of the morning today, really before I was even awake, and after I ground the beans, I began to empty them into the container in which I store my ground coffee. Before I put the lid on, I accidentally bumped the container with my elbow, and it would have tumbled off the counter and smashed on the ground had I not miraculously caught it with my hip (?), spilling fresh-ground coffee everywhere and showering my feet with broken-up pieces of ceramic, all of which I’m sure I would have ended up stepping on and in for the next three days no matter how well I cleaned up. What a nightmare, you know? All of that wasted coffee on top of having to pick sharp-ass pieces of glazed, kiln-fired hell from between my toes with my eyebrow tweezers for a week. Tell me the gods weren’t with me this morning, you know?
So anyway, all of this is why today is probably my lucky day. All of that and, of course, the fact that I’ve run across some pretty steamy Adrien Brody photos that depict the actor in various positions (shirt on, shirt off, smiling, not smiling, sitting, standing …), all of them laying under the warm, joyful blanket of “so f-cking hot”-ness.
Also, due to the fact that today is my lucky day and I’m totally calling the shots, we’re not even going to talk about the pug-faced “mystery blonde” that Adrien was seen being all chummy with during his stay in Cannes earlier in the week, because that’s just not the kind of stuff you talk about on lucky days, OK? We’re just going to go ahead and pretend that business never, ever happened and continue our day being completely blissed out that our bellies are filled with good coffee, our bare feet are free of bleeding cuts, and we were able to see Adrien Brody enjoying himself on a mini-break.
May 24, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
So, I was online shopping for husband-clothes this morning, and I went to Lacoste’s website to see what their latest line looked like. And, like it was meant to be or something, I saw this as soon as I hit the homepage:
Man, isn’t this just so hot? And if you think the video’s hot, and the screenshot is hot, then don’t watch the corresponding interview videos that I’m about to post, because if you happen to watch those before seeing the above behind-the-scenes footage of the interview, you’re going to be completely turned off.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I love me some Adrien Brody, harder than I’ve ever loved another celebrity in my time on this earth (maybe with the exception of Isaac Hanson when I was fifteen years younger, but that’s entirely aside from the fact besides the point that it’s apparent I’m attracted to odd-looking men), and he’s always super-well-spoken and cultured, but this interview? Oh man. It was bad, guys. Just utterly f-cking awful. The questions were dumb, and Adrien’s obviously-hand-crafted answers were even worse. Do you know what Adrien has to “say” about sports? This:
Sports are very dramatic, you know, there are winners and there are losers. In order for one person to win, the other person has to fail, as far as team sports go. Those are lessons and every failure makes you stronger.
Wait, has he been talking to my 6th grade gym teacher? And where’s the “There’s no ‘i’ in team!”? I’m disappointed!
And there are a variety of other videos on Lacoste’s YouTube page that you can check out and mock to the best of your ability, too, because there’s a lot to work with. Bottom line? Does this (undeniably beautiful) man just like to talk nonsense because he likes the sound of his voice? Because if that’s so, then this depresses me as much as this miserably rainy day, guys. I mean, do you know what all this rain is going to do to my grass? I’m going to be riding my lawn tractor all damned weekend.
Also. Adrien. I hate the fluffy hair. Since you’re so chic and in-the-know, you should probably do something about that, bro.
April 18, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
This is semi-old news, as the following interview was released about two weeks ago, but I’m sorry – I just cannot pass up a chance to talk about the object of my celebrity obsession. No way, no how.
Word on the street has it that Adrien was banned from SNL for ad-libbing when he wasn’t told to ad-lib. Which, to me, kind of defeats the purpose of ad-libbing, because if you can’t ad-lib when you feel it’s appropriate to ad-lib, when can you ad-lib, I ask you?
Check out a snipped of the recent interview from Moviefone, where Adrien discussed his new role in Detachment (which will be, to be sure, The Pianist caliber-type awesome), and where the SNL incident was brought to light:
Another comedic topic that I’ve wanted to learn more about: there’s a rumor that you’ve been banned from “SNL.”
I’ve heard that, but I don’t know.
Did Lorne Michaels say something to you backstage?
No, nothing like that.
Then I don’t know how that story got out.
I don’t either.
Well I’d like to see you host again.
I would too, I had a great time.
Further details on why he was allegedly blacklisted from ever appearing as a host on SNL again:
Adrien Brody became the latest person banned on May 10, 2003. He came out to introduce reggae musician Sean Paul, while wearing Rastafarian attire including faux dreadlocks. Without any prior notice, Brody began rambling in a Jamaican accent for close to 45 seconds before finally introducing the act incorrectly, misannouncing “Sean Paul” as “Sean John.”
But yeah. So this happened almost an entire decade ago, ages before I even knew that I loved him, but like I said, guys: I’ll never, never pass up the chance to talk about Adrien Brody, even if the news is older than some of Evil Beet’s readers. For real. Can we just get that straight?
March 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
A couple of others did, too, like Emile Hirsch and Tim Roth, but that doesn’t really matter all that much to me, truth be told. Also, it wasn’t just any old fashion show – it was a fancy-schmancy fashion show for Prada. Yup. Prada. And in case you couldn’t guess it from the, ahem, get-up that my boy Adrien‘s wearing in the photo above, it was “English Gent”-themed.
Finally, guess who led the final walk? Nope, it wasn’t Gary Oldman, much as I love him. It was Adrien. God. This guy’s just so multi-faceted and talented and … I don’t know, DAPPER, right? He goes from hip-hopping from basketball game to basketball game with Lil Wayne to reciting the Best of the Notorious B.I.G.’s Poetry to scholars (without skipping a vulgar word, indeed), to hobnobbing it with some of the UK’s finest male actors on a runway for Prada. Could there be a hotter, more refined-yet-down-to-earth dude ALIVE?
Who looked the hottest?
January 17, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Well, in short, this:
Oh I am so in love. “Your Daily Gosling”? EFF Your Daily Gosling. In my mind, every day is Your Daily Brody. And it’s been awhile since we covered what my love’s been up to, because I know not a lot of you understand the complexities of my compelling attraction to this man and his face and his body and his voice and his complexities, but today I felt like being SELFISH and writing an ENTIRE POST about Adrien Brody.
‘Why?’, some of you might wonder. And I’m here to tell you why. It’s because he is just so hot and wonderful and is deserving of attention (just, you know, not *too* much attention, because then it’s going to turn into another “I’m-not-going-mainstream-Ryan-Gosling” thing, and I don’t think I could really handle that all that well), and frankly, because that guy up there is the hotness.
But, right. Detachment. A film about Brody as a substitute teacher a la Dangerous Minds, just without all of the overt angst and Coolio. It’s broody. Brody-broody. And I love it and will probably see it just because he’s the star. That’s what he’s been up to lately, FYI.
Actually, that and hanging out with people like … um, Lil Wayne. And no, I don’t really get that either. I know that Adrien’s got this urban …