17Abigail Breslin Is Now Fully Licensed to Sell You Cookies

Abigail Breslin was inducted into the Girl Scouts in what appears to be a publicity stunt for her new film, Nim’s Island.

Dude, I’d totally forgotten about Girl Scouts. I was a Girl Scout. I remember the other girls and I, in, like, second grade, would go door-to-door all around the neighborhood selling cookies. Yup, just two or three short-skirted eight-year-olds, naively ringing doorbells, devoid of any adult supervision. Were there fewer child rapists around those days or were our parents just less aware of their existence? Today, girls sit in front of the Best Buy, practically bodyguarded by their mothers, or else the parents just drag the stupid cookie sheets into their work and pressure all their coworkers to buy a bunch.

My mom made me watch videos of when I was a little girl the other day. I’m talking, like, four years old, and I’m climbing up huge trees and jungle gyms and falling down flat on my ass and then getting up and trying again. No one is, you know, putting down the video camera to check to make sure I’m okay after falling ten feet out of a tree. I was horrified! I was like, “Mom! You just let me keep falling like that?” and she was like “Eh, it was a different time. And you turned out okay, didn’t you?”

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t know what Girl Scouts is today, but I imagine it’s nothing like when I was a kid. When I was a little girl, you earned your right to be a Girl Scout. With your blood, sweat and tears, not by starring in some pansy-ass fantasy film. We had Arts and Crafts, beyotch, not Craft Services. Abigail Breslin better get her ass on the street and sell some fucking cookies if she wants to wear that sash with any pride.

Nah, I’m kidding. GSA (I guess it’s not even GSA anymore … they’re the Girls Scouts of the USA now) is a fantastic organization that does a lot of good work toward building confidence and leadership skills in young women. Learn more here.

March 26, 2008 at 11:21 pm by Evil Beet

250Dakota Fanning Refuses to Go Bald for Her Art

Dakota Fanning has dropped out of the film she was to star in with her kid sister, Elle, My Sister’s Keeper. In the film, Dakota and Elle were to play on-screen sisters in the story about a young girl who sues for emancipation from her parents after she learns she was only conceived as a genetic match for her sister who is dying of some illness.

The role would have required Dakota to shave her head, which she reportedly refused to do, and she took her sister with her.

Seriously? They couldn’t have just gotten her a bald cap?

Dakota will be replaced by Abigail Breslin, and Elle will be replaced by Sofia Vassilieva.

February 13, 2008 at 1:06 pm by Evil Beet

1Hey, You Guys Would Be My Peers If I Hadn’t Been, Ya Know, Nominated for an Oscar and Stuff

Abigail Breslin poses with some kids her age at a charity function.

She’s so much better than them.

You can tell by her hair.

December 4, 2007 at 5:50 pm by Evil Beet

3What a Cutie!

Little Abigail Breslin attends the Glamour Magazine 2007 Women of The Year Awards.

I love her little purse!!!

She’s like Dakota Fanning without all the creepy preternatural intelligence. It’s not that she’s not poised and professional — she is — but it’s nice to see a young star who looks and acts like a young star. I just love her.

November 5, 2007 at 11:10 pm by Evil Beet

0Movieline Brings the “Fashion”

Seriously. Worst. Outfits. Ever.
Dakota Fanning just makes me want to puke in my mouth. Honey, you are 13…you’ve been raped in a movie stop wearing pale pink like you are Abigail Breslin. Katherine Heigl…I can’t even start to talk about that loud red jacket…you look like you should be on the “Golden Girls.” I don’t know if you got the memo but you are at the Young Hollywood Awards, might be best if you try to look young.

Here are some awful outfits from Movieline’s Hollywood Life 9th Annual Young Hollywood Awards.

April 22, 2007 at 8:36 pm by EvilT

6SNL Sometimes is Funny

I know that this video isn’t new to some of you…but for those that thought the “Dick in the Box” was the only funny thing on SNL in the past few months check out “The Dakota Fanning Show.” I love Amy Poehler, she really rocks my world almost as much as Tina Fey. A little industry secret from the T…they are doing a movie together very soon! Yea!!!!

Amy as Dakota Fanning and Drew Barrymore as Abigail Breslin is just too funny for words. It is rare when SNL makes me laugh out loud so if you haven’t checked this out please do. It is quite funny that while Dakota Fanning tries to push the limits of her acting chops Abigail has taken over as the sweet little girl people like to have appear on their red carpets in party dresses. Ah, youth fades honey, strike while the iron is hot.

It is totally safe for work and funny enough that you could foward this link to your friends and family…then they can find the boobs, va jay jay, and dirty posts from the Beeters on their own…

March 13, 2007 at 12:44 pm by EvilT