24MUCH Better!

Apparently someone from her management team read my little rant about how she was dressed last week, because 12-year-old Abigail Breslin was back to looking like the adorable little girl that she is at the NYC premiere of Marley and Me last night. Disaster averted. Phew!

December 18, 2008 at 7:47 am by Evil Beet

24So, Um, When Is Abigail Breslin Going to Be Old Enough for Me to Make Fun of What She’s Wearing?

And also her hair and makeup?

I’m just looking for a ballpark figure here.

15? 16? I mean, do you really have to wait until a kid’s 18 when she’s already been nominated for an Oscar? Doesn’t that shit make her fair game a little sooner? We were allowed to make fun of Anna Paquin’s teeth back in ’94, weren’t we?

Because, like, if I were allowed to make fun of Abigail Breslin at this tender age, I would note that her hair is a better fit for, say, the Little Miss Sunshine pageant than a Los Angeles fundraiser. And that if you’re going to put that much makeup on a 12-year-old — which is a bad idea to begin with — you need to bite the bullet and get her some eyelashes, too. And the boots? I can’t even talk about the boots right now. I want to talk about the boots. I just can’t talk about the boots. Please talk about the boots for me.

At a benefit party hosted by Animal Fair magazine this weekend.

December 14, 2008 at 11:37 pm by Evil Beet

10Supporting Our Troops!

Little Abigail Breslin wears a Marines T-shirt when she arrives to film a spot on David Letterman.

Cute!

June 25, 2008 at 9:51 pm by Evil Beet

12Dakota Would’ve Done It!

Abigail Breslin recently told the LA Times that she — gasp! — didn’t cut her hair to play a short-haired girl in Kit Kittredge: An American Girl. Rather, she donned a short-haired wig.

“I really don’t know if I could handle having my own hair really short, but wearing the wig was fun. It didn’t really feel that different but felt like I was wearing a hat. But I’d never do that to my real hair, because I like putting it in a ponytail. I really don’t like short hair.”

The nerve! Silly Abigail, now no one’s going to take you seriously as an actress. You know what you should do? Sign on to a film where you’ll get raped on screen. That’s what the real pre-teen actresses do.

And I really don’t know why I so enjoy pitting Abigail Breslin against Dakota Fanning. It’s probably pretty cruel and immature of me to pit two pre-pubescent girls against each other (yeah, Dakota’s 14, but she still looks to be miles from puberty), but it amuses me to no end. Also, nothing else is going on right now. This election needs to hurry up and be over, pronto.

June 17, 2008 at 12:21 am by Evil Beet

13There Is Nothing Going on So Here’s a Photo of Abigail Breslin

Everyone’s hanging out with their fathers this weekend. This includes publicists, paparazzi and the rest of the media machine, so we don’t have anything much going on.

Here’s Abby Breslin at the premiere of Kit Kittredge: An American Girl. I like this photo because it makes her look about two feet tall.

June 14, 2008 at 10:32 pm by Evil Beet

6Gossip Fodder in Training

Here’s little Abigail Breslin leaving the Ivy last night.

I don’t understand what is on her arms.

At first I was like, “Oh my gosh! Did she break her wrist?!” and then I was like, “Oh, no, those things are supposed to be cool.”

Whatever. I still like her better than Dakota Fanning.

April 15, 2008 at 12:29 pm by Evil Beet