Today's Evil Beet Gossip
A-Rod

Cameron Diaz is Not Above Eloping, is Practically Begging For Marriage

photo of alex rodriguez and actress cameron diaz

While the sort of formerly-hot-in-a-funk-kind-of-way actress has been rumored to be dating A-Rod, she hasn’t wasted any time laying down the law and telling everyone that she’s willing to be married. This should go over well with the long-time ladies’ man, Rodriguez. Diaz states that she’s a romantic at heart and isn’t afraid of commitment. Cam speaks these prophetic words to Parade magazine [stifles laughter] and sort of throws A-Rod under the bus the term “elopement” around:

“I am a romantic. I love romance. I’m not afraid of commitment. I commit to everything I’m doing and I am hopelessly loyal … The mystique and the romance of a big wedding are lost on me. I don’t think that I could ever do something that extravagant. I am not much of a planner. I would probably make the phone call 20 minutes before the bus leaves for the chapel and ask if anyone is available to come. That’s probably how my wedding is going to end up.”

Read: Cammy’s getting desperate and running out of options. Oh, and doesn’t realize that the best way to trap a man like A-Rod is to not get involved with him in the first place. Poor, sad, Cameron Diaz. She’ll be a spinster for the rest of her life with this faux-I-don’t-care-about-getting-married-but-I’m-actually-really-fucking-desperate-to-tie-the-knot-before-fifty attitude. She tries to pretend like she’s the girl all the guys want by “knowing” what turns guys on, but farts in front of them and dribbles chili sauce down the front of her chin without wiping it off, ’cause she thinks these things make her seem down-to-earth.

Damn, Cammy. Just … damn.

Okay, Kate Hudson And A-Rod Are Dating. Happy?

Kate Hudson

There are many times in my life when I ignore certain situations in hopes that they’ll just go away.  It’s not a real effective approach with bills, but sometimes it works out okay with unknown rashes.  But, you know what else I keep ignoring that just won’t vanish?  A-Rod and Kate Hudson stories.

So, let’s just put it out there — these two idiots are dating.  Personally, I think it’s a match made in STD heaven, but some of the Yankees’ wives — and you know it’s the Yankees’ wives talking when they are identified in print as “someone connected to the team” — aren’t so delighted.  “First we dealt with all the Madonna mayhem, now we’re on to Kate. It’s distracting.  And they haven’t even been together that long.  It’s not like there’s a problem with wives or girlfriends going to games.  But a lot of us agree that this is a little much. They’re barely dating, and it’s all about Kate.”  

Wow.  Women can be such catty little wenches.

A-Rod Wants to Buy You Panties

a-rod

Apparently, Alex Rodriguez likes lace and ‘Sexy Little Things’ so much that he’s willing to buy them for you.

“He’s been going into Victoria’s Secret for the last seven months and buying $1,000 gift cards, sometimes five or six at a time. He must be giving them out like candy”

First: I didn’t even know Victoria’s Secret made $1,000 Gift Cards – I might be in the wrong tax bracket. 

Second: Kind of a shame that all those pretty panties are going to go to muscular bossy blondes. 

I suppose giving some one a gift card to buy panties makes it easier for you to get them naked, right?